A Smattering of Motherisms

I found this list entitled, "Things Our Mothers Taught Us" and found it entertaining so I thought I would share.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

**My favorites are numbers 1, 5, 7, and 20.  And I'm not going to say how many of these I have said to my own children...

And a humorous little gem my own mother taught me:


*If you are talking to someone who is cross-eyed and wondering which eye to look at, LOOK AT THE ONE THAT IS LOOKING AT YOU!!"  bahahaha

Because chores are always easier when snorkel gear is donned.

Ashton has an imaginary friend whose name is "Volcanoes".  This friend helps him with his chores, is blamed for things Ashton doesn't want to get in trouble for, and has the super cool power of shooting hot lava out of his hands when someone is mean.  Awesome.  Also, as of today, "Volcanoes" is sick and resting comfortably at his ghost house which is located next door to Ashton's room. (except there is no room next to Ashton's room)

And lastly, one of my all time favorite Saturday Night Live commercial spoofs.  Pure awesomeness.  And if I ever wear jeans like this, please shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Click on link: http://www.hulu.com/watch/10333/saturday-night-live-mom-jeans