Book Review: "Half the Sky"

The book, "Half the Sky" by Pulitzer Prize winners Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn (both journalists for the New York Times as well as husband and wife) comes with my highest recommendation. It is a call to arms regarding the oppression of women and girls in the developing world. It focuses on three particular abuses: sex trafficking and forced prostitution; gender-based violence, including honor killings and mass rape; and maternal mortality, which surprisingly and needlessly claims one woman a minute.

The global statistics on the abuse of girls are numbing. More girls have been killed in the last fifty years, precisely because they were girls, than men were killed in all the battles of the twentieth century! While gender discrimination may not be something we have to worry about much in the United States, it is RAMPANT in other parts of the world. Nobel Prize winning economist Amartya Sen states that more than 107 million women are "missing" from the globe today, with 2 million per year added to this total every year. These women are missing because of gender discrimination using sex trafficking of children, forced prostitution, honor killings, and in China girls that are murdered just for being female.

What I liked about this book was that it not only calls attention to the horrific injustices to women around the world, but succinctly explains the complexities of how and why these things came to be. It was fascinating to me to learn how interconnected the problems of gender inequality are with all of the other issues facing the world; wars, and the failing economy for example. It shares inspirational stories of the amazing resiliance of women and ends by giving simple ideas that every person can do to help.

I am a firm believer that ignorance is NOT bliss, so one thing I do is teach all of my children (even our 5 year old) about different things plaguing nations of the world. They have learned about the genocide in Darfur and the Congo, about the extreme poverty in India, and even gender-selective abortions in China. (maybe not the 5 year old for this one) Everyone can do something, even if it's simply educating yourself on these injustices going on every day in our world.

Here are some quotes from the book that stuck with me:

Goldman Sachs concluded, "Gender inequality hurts economic growth."

"Women's empowerment helps raise economic productivity and reduce infant mortality. It contributes to improved health and nutrition. It increases the chances of education for the next generation."

"Are women human yet? If women were human, would we be a cash crop shipped from Thailand in containers into New York's brothels . . .? Would our genitals be sliced out to "cleanse" us . . .? When will women be human? When?"

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."--Mahatma Gandhi

"It is impossible to realize our goals while discriminating against half the human race. As study after study has taught us, there is no tool for development more effective than the empowerment of women."--Kofi Annan

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."--Derek Bok

An Ideal Woman

There is a woman in my ward who is admittedly amazing; poised, intelligent, well-traveled, always sweet, loves being a homemaker, doting wife, etc. She is admired by all, including me, and she also happens to be a general authority's wife. There is nothing negative that I could say about her and be honest. In fact, I would consider her a good friend. However, over the 4 years we have lived in this ward, I have heard her referred to as "the ideal woman" many times. There is almost an air of worship when it comes to her and her husband and I never know what to think about it. Last week, in particular, she was referred to as "the ideal woman" several times in our relief society lesson and it has bothered me ever since. It's not that she isn't AN ideal woman, but she is not THE ideal woman, because no one is. Or rather, every woman should strive to be her OWN, INDIVIDUAL ideal. This has become a pet peeve of mine because I believe that once women are told what the "ideal" is, many will force themselves into trying to become this and when they fail, self-loathing is sure to result. This is true particularly of LDS women whose lives are usually centered around their families, so if they question their abilities as a wife and mother because they are not measuring up to another's ideal, they often feel like failures. Why is it that in our church, there seems to be this woman out there that we are all supposed to emulate, whom we all hate, yet constantly strive to become? Is it any wonder that at every women's conference, women have to be told over and over how "valued" and "cherished" they are in order to build them up from the previous year's inadequacies and then reminded to "rejoice" in womanhood? Well maybe we could rejoice if we felt the freedom to be who we truly were! Should every woman like to cook, be talented at cleaning, always nurturing of her children, and generally in awe of her priesthood holding husband? Not only do I not do these things all the time, I don't WANT to. I spent, or should I say wasted, all of my 20s wondering why I couldn't be like so-and-so, and why I didn't have that natural nurturing talent I was told all women innately had --I really have to work at that! Honestly, cookie-cutter women bore me. These are some of the traits I admire in the women around me, who by the way, are very rough around the edges:

--My neighbor who started her own million dollar business doing vinyl lettering.

--My friend who is the first LDS member of her family and never fails to have scripture study every day with her kids, and always has family night. What an inspiration! Her husband does all the cooking though because she can't stand to cook.

--My friend Julie who is the strongest-willed, opinionated woman I have ever met. She fascinates me with her quick mind and adventurous spirit. She is no frail little flower . . .

--A woman who I admire, who always seems to find the positive in every situation--not in an oblivious and dimwitted way, but with wisdom and wit.

--My sister-in-law who works to help support her family, and also enjoys it. Her 3 children have always received all the attention they have needed and are all happy and well-adjusted.

--My own mother who is wise, musically gifted, and the truest friend you could ever have. Is she perfect? No (but almost). Her flaws are what make her interesting and endearing to me.

I know these things about myself and have come to accept them:

*I will never be sweet, but I always try to be kind and accepting of all people.

*I loathe sewing, but I love to mow the lawn and work in the yard.

*I am not really good at cooking, but I force myself to do it to create healthy meals for my kids.

*I am not naturally very nurturing, but I would fight to the death for my kids' happiness.

*I don't like singing church songs, wearing dresses, talking in a high voice, doing all my kids' work for them to earn the Mother of the Year Award, and will NEVER wear a short, permed bun on my head even if I volunteer at the temple. But, I am a strong and good woman in my own, individual way. The world is such a more beautiful place when women feel like being themselves is okay and thus have the confidence needed to improve upon things that THEY value--not something they are told they should value! This reminds me of a pillow that I used to have that had this short, yet poignant verse:

I like me,

Yes I like me.

Being what no one else can be.

I like me.

Christian, The Candy Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_evnXvuDhXA

Click on the link above to view Christian's "grand" performance. Watch for the candy bullets the boys threw at people's heads.

An "Interesting" Conversation

Last night Robert and I got into an "interesting" conversation about the purpose of trials and I have been thinking about our different perspectives ever since. We were both flabbergasted as to how the other person could possibly think the way they thought. It went something like this, "What!? That's what you think?!" "Really?! Wow." He expressed how if he was going through something difficult and he knew it was a trial directly given by God, then that was a great comfort to him and no matter what it was, he could get through it because of that perspective. I, on the other hand, think the complete opposite. If I was going through something horrendous, it would trouble me to know that God had directly given me that trial and would make me feel like a rat in a maze with God constantly moving the cheese to see what I would do next. It comforts me much more to think that the things that happen to me are caused by living in an imperfect world, but that anything that happened to me, God would help me find purpose in it and comfort me. We both couldn't believe that the other one thought what they thought, so I am interested to know what YOU think. I am sure that our trials are the result of both God giving us trials AND the earth's natural laws as well as people's free agency. But which way of thinking gives YOU more comfort?

PS We really need to stop having these "deep" conversations . . .

Confessions

The other day, I made reference to the fact that I was making gingerbread ornaments with the kids on my Facebook page and my sister Becky mentioned how she was having a hard day and that had made her feel worse. I will NOT be that woman that makes other women feel "less than" because simply, I deplore women like that and to think that I live my ideal every day is a MAJOR misnomer. So to make her feel better about herself and to dispell any false impression that things are always hunky dory over here, I thought nothing would be better than some confessions. Here are some of my plain and ugly day-to-day truths:

*It is not uncommon for me to open my car door and have a rock-solid chicken nugget fall out. Yes, my car is almost always a sty.

*I secretly relish saying an occasional "damn" or "hell" because sometimes, it just feels good.

*We eat on paper plates almost every night.

*I just had my anti-anxiety dosage upped by my doctor. Much better.

*The other day, one of my older kids reported that the two year old had taken off his diaper and spread pooh all over his room (a frequent and genetic tendency in all of my children). Well, I was just not emotionally up to the challenge, so I avoided that room for 2 days until gathering up enough courage to tackle the problem. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

*I go through phases where I am very anti-social and the thought of having to answer the door or talk on the phone is an absolutely painful concept.

*Sometimes, I save up my errands to run for when the kids get home from school, so I have some place to go. I know, really bad.

*I can no longer watch any movie with the least bit of depth or sentimental-ness because my life is so stressful that I find these movies emotionally taxing, which I cannot afford and thus stick to movies with senseless humor or wonderful gratuitous violence. Sorry Mom.

*I am so used to being in the hall before church even starts that on the rare occasion that my children are behaving, I have developed a severe case of ADD in which I cannot sit through a full sacrament and must find some reason to take one of my children out.

*When things get really stressful and the kids are fighting, especially during the summer, I sometimes banish my children outside, or worse--to the tv. "You are to sit in front of that tv until I tell you, you can get up!"

*I daydream about living in my bed sometimes.

*I feel like I need a nap every day.

*More often than not, I finally get ready for the day right before my kids get home for school, and on really hard days, right before Robert gets home from work.

*I occasionally hide from my children when I just can't deal with the messes and fighting anymore.

*The other day Elisabeth said, "I want to be just like you Mama and so I just went to the bathroom with the door open! Just like you!" Great.

Alright, I think I have redeemed myself from the notion that I have it all together. Now you can all feel good about yourselves today when you think about how low functioning and frazzled I am. Enjoy.

Beautiful Girl AND Our 15th Anniversary

We just got back from a wonderful anniversary weekend in Midway. We stayed at the Zermatt hotel which has a charming Swiss theme and is right across from the Homestead. As always, I was anxious to leave, missed my precious little people the whole time, and was glad to come back. We celebrated our 15th anniversary this summer by going to Kauai with my sister Kristen and her husband Zack, but our real anniversary is December 8 and so we took another opportunity for time alone. I am a firm believer that the very best gift you can give your kids is a happy, fulfilling relationship between the parents. Nothing else will create as much security and confidence in a child as this. I even would go as far as to say that you should put your spouse as your first priority and your children next. There is no one I would rather spend my time with than Robert. No one I admire more, love more, or that that is as fun and interesting as him. He has given me confidence, respect, freedom to pursue my dreams, unconditional love, undying support, and 5 of the most beautiful children in the world. Yes, I am in love. He is, and will always be, my handsome Prince.

PS The first 2 pictures are of poor quality because they are taken on my phone. The first is of our hotel, the second of the beautiful ice sculptures they had there.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Here are some of my Christmas "must haves." They include Bath and Body Works Peppermint lotion, watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, seeing the Tabernacle Choir in concert, matching Christmas pajamas for all the kids, making fleece blankets for the homeless shelter, making gingerbread ornaments and/or cookies, having my parents (grandma and Papa) watch the kids overnite every December, my hanging snowflakes, my Christmas countdown calendar, Christmas Eve with the Rasmussen relatives, listening to Handel's Messiah, the annual Brinkman adult dinner (which I don't have a picture of), seeing the lights on Temple Square, reading a Christmas story a day until Christmas, poinsettias, and adding to my Department 56 Christmas Village. What are your Christmas "must haves?"

Spittin' Image

My Mom recently showed me this picture of my Dad (seated on the right in picture of boys) and I couldn't believe how much it reminded me of Huntie! (see picture on top) I always thought Hunter looked like Robert, but maybe he has some Brinkman in him afterall!

Recent Pictures