An Ideal Woman

There is a woman in my ward who is admittedly amazing; poised, intelligent, well-traveled, always sweet, loves being a homemaker, doting wife, etc. She is admired by all, including me, and she also happens to be a general authority's wife. There is nothing negative that I could say about her and be honest. In fact, I would consider her a good friend. However, over the 4 years we have lived in this ward, I have heard her referred to as "the ideal woman" many times. There is almost an air of worship when it comes to her and her husband and I never know what to think about it. Last week, in particular, she was referred to as "the ideal woman" several times in our relief society lesson and it has bothered me ever since. It's not that she isn't AN ideal woman, but she is not THE ideal woman, because no one is. Or rather, every woman should strive to be her OWN, INDIVIDUAL ideal. This has become a pet peeve of mine because I believe that once women are told what the "ideal" is, many will force themselves into trying to become this and when they fail, self-loathing is sure to result. This is true particularly of LDS women whose lives are usually centered around their families, so if they question their abilities as a wife and mother because they are not measuring up to another's ideal, they often feel like failures. Why is it that in our church, there seems to be this woman out there that we are all supposed to emulate, whom we all hate, yet constantly strive to become? Is it any wonder that at every women's conference, women have to be told over and over how "valued" and "cherished" they are in order to build them up from the previous year's inadequacies and then reminded to "rejoice" in womanhood? Well maybe we could rejoice if we felt the freedom to be who we truly were! Should every woman like to cook, be talented at cleaning, always nurturing of her children, and generally in awe of her priesthood holding husband? Not only do I not do these things all the time, I don't WANT to. I spent, or should I say wasted, all of my 20s wondering why I couldn't be like so-and-so, and why I didn't have that natural nurturing talent I was told all women innately had --I really have to work at that! Honestly, cookie-cutter women bore me. These are some of the traits I admire in the women around me, who by the way, are very rough around the edges:

--My neighbor who started her own million dollar business doing vinyl lettering.

--My friend who is the first LDS member of her family and never fails to have scripture study every day with her kids, and always has family night. What an inspiration! Her husband does all the cooking though because she can't stand to cook.

--My friend Julie who is the strongest-willed, opinionated woman I have ever met. She fascinates me with her quick mind and adventurous spirit. She is no frail little flower . . .

--A woman who I admire, who always seems to find the positive in every situation--not in an oblivious and dimwitted way, but with wisdom and wit.

--My sister-in-law who works to help support her family, and also enjoys it. Her 3 children have always received all the attention they have needed and are all happy and well-adjusted.

--My own mother who is wise, musically gifted, and the truest friend you could ever have. Is she perfect? No (but almost). Her flaws are what make her interesting and endearing to me.

I know these things about myself and have come to accept them:

*I will never be sweet, but I always try to be kind and accepting of all people.

*I loathe sewing, but I love to mow the lawn and work in the yard.

*I am not really good at cooking, but I force myself to do it to create healthy meals for my kids.

*I am not naturally very nurturing, but I would fight to the death for my kids' happiness.

*I don't like singing church songs, wearing dresses, talking in a high voice, doing all my kids' work for them to earn the Mother of the Year Award, and will NEVER wear a short, permed bun on my head even if I volunteer at the temple. But, I am a strong and good woman in my own, individual way. The world is such a more beautiful place when women feel like being themselves is okay and thus have the confidence needed to improve upon things that THEY value--not something they are told they should value! This reminds me of a pillow that I used to have that had this short, yet poignant verse:

I like me,

Yes I like me.

Being what no one else can be.

I like me.