I ran across this article and found it to mirror my beliefs exactly. With my daughter turning 12 in 7 months, these thoughts have crossed my mind and I have wondered what to do about them. Do I really want any man in a room alone with my daughter, questioning her about chastity at age 12? The answer to that is a resounding NOOOOOOOO. I have already told her that she is not obligated to answer any questions that make her uncomfortable no matter who it is or what authority they have. What do you think??
Current Priesthood Stewardship Over Women’s Sexuality
By: Guest - August 26, 2009
By: Julene Humes
I am the mother of five sons and two daughters. It wasn’t until my daughters reached an age to be interviewed by their bishops on sexual worthiness issues that I began to question the practice. I had always had very positive interactions with my leadership but had heard of others with quite troubling stories to tell about encounters with priesthood leaders whether in routine interviews or as a result of a moral indiscretion that required priesthood involvement for the repentance process.
Recently, while traveling through Europe I had the time to give it some serious thought and determined that the practice needed to be questioned. It’s quite simple, really. The Church affirms repeatedly, through the Proclamation on the Family and elsewhere, that gender is eternal, that gender differences are necessary and to be protected. With that as a logical foundation, how can a man or group of men in the case of a disciplinary counsel, inspired or not, be able to bring wisdom and proper sensitivity to the issues of female sexuality? It is recognized that men’s sexuality is so different from women’s.
I believe that this applies in all relevant spheres of present priesthood jurisdiction:
1) counsel to women who have committed sexual indiscretions,
2) questioning women about chastity for temple worthiness, and
3) regularly interviewing the young women, beginning at the age of twelve (!), about their sexuality.
In the case of the latter, I am especially committed to raising the issue, because these girls have no voice. They are required to submit to private, sometimes very uncomfortable interviews (uncomfortable for both, I might add), and without understanding (temple recommend interview–Bishop: Do you keep the law of chastity? Young woman: What’s the law of chastity?). Now let me be clear–most bishops are extremely sensitive, and many women can witness to the gentle handling with which these matters were discussed and can also describe spiritual experiences they received from unburdening themselves of their guilt in the case of a moral indiscretion. Those experiences are valid. I am firmly committed to sexual purity and the role confession can pay in the event of a misstep, but the young women are still children, really, and children, as is stated in the Proclamation, are the primary stewardship of women. I am a mother; I have daughters, and I intend to use my efforts to raise awareness on this issue. Moreover, sexual issues for adult women require a different environment than men can provide.
So much more can be said on this subject, but the bottom line is this: women have stewardship over women’s sexuality.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Hmmmmm.
I found this opinion on a feminist mormon housewife blog and found it thought provoking.
Traditional Marriage is Dead (and it’s a good thing too)
By: Not Ophelia - June 26, 2008
The bloggernacle is awash with posts on same-sex marriage, the First Presidency’s upcoming letter and the demise of traditional marriage. Over and over I read comments about how ‘traditional marriage’ is under attack. How gays and lesbians marrying will ‘destroy marriage.’ How we have to fight to defend ‘traditional marriage’ and the family from variously, the homosexual agenda, the evils of the world, the forces of Satan, etc. etc. etc. But the sad (glad) news is that Traditional marriage is dying or dead in much of the world and has been for a long time. And its demise has nothing to do with gays or lesbians. It was us women who killed it, forced its reinvention and started us down this ’slippery slope’ to where we are today.
What we call marriage in this country is a very recent invention. Throughout the millennia marriage has been, not about two people who love each other and want to share a life together, but rather about power, property and paternity. About male control of women’s work, women’s lives and women’s fertility. The importance of virginity, the stigma of bastardy, the ‘head of the household’ status, coverture, and in some cultures arranged marriages, bride price, dowries, honor killings, and the right of husbands but not wives to divorce at will — all of this was (or shamefully still is) part of the effects of traditional marriage.
These basic underpinnings of traditional marriage cross cultural boundaries. Yes, the monogamous found the polygamous found the polyandrous to be barbaric and uncivilized and just plain wrong. Not too much tolerance there. Nevertheless, things like monogamy vs. polygamy were differences of degree, not type. Traditional marriage began it’s decline the day women became autonomous people. The day our status became human, not property.
So we (our culture and our religion) had to redefine marriage to be relevant to 21st century life. We now talk about love and sharing our lives and being equal partners and mutual respect. Because of this, the world and the church have had to reinvent marriage. Society has reinvented it through laws. Many decry no-fault divorce, but once marriage became a joining of two loving, devoted and equal partners, it’s hard to force one to stay when he or she no longer wants to. Others decry same-sex marriage, but once society redefined marriage from a chattel arrangement to one between equals you need more reasons than unshared religious values or the ‘ick’ factor to prevent them from marrying the one they love.
The church has also reinvented marriage, most recently in the Proclamation on the Family. But as grand or inspired as you might find that document, it doesn’t reflect the reality of what marriage in the church was 100 or 50 or even 20 year ago. Re-read the polygamy parts of D&C 132, or ask someone who took her marriage vows before 1990 what she covenanted: it was a kind of marriage quite foreign to the one described in the Proclamation on the Family.
The LDS church has already reinvented marriage to conform to our ideas of morality and modern culture. Others have too. The battle now isn’t over whether ‘traditional marriage’ will survive but rather over who gets to have their redefinition accepted by the rest society.
Traditional Marriage is Dead (and it’s a good thing too)
By: Not Ophelia - June 26, 2008
The bloggernacle is awash with posts on same-sex marriage, the First Presidency’s upcoming letter and the demise of traditional marriage. Over and over I read comments about how ‘traditional marriage’ is under attack. How gays and lesbians marrying will ‘destroy marriage.’ How we have to fight to defend ‘traditional marriage’ and the family from variously, the homosexual agenda, the evils of the world, the forces of Satan, etc. etc. etc. But the sad (glad) news is that Traditional marriage is dying or dead in much of the world and has been for a long time. And its demise has nothing to do with gays or lesbians. It was us women who killed it, forced its reinvention and started us down this ’slippery slope’ to where we are today.
What we call marriage in this country is a very recent invention. Throughout the millennia marriage has been, not about two people who love each other and want to share a life together, but rather about power, property and paternity. About male control of women’s work, women’s lives and women’s fertility. The importance of virginity, the stigma of bastardy, the ‘head of the household’ status, coverture, and in some cultures arranged marriages, bride price, dowries, honor killings, and the right of husbands but not wives to divorce at will — all of this was (or shamefully still is) part of the effects of traditional marriage.
These basic underpinnings of traditional marriage cross cultural boundaries. Yes, the monogamous found the polygamous found the polyandrous to be barbaric and uncivilized and just plain wrong. Not too much tolerance there. Nevertheless, things like monogamy vs. polygamy were differences of degree, not type. Traditional marriage began it’s decline the day women became autonomous people. The day our status became human, not property.
So we (our culture and our religion) had to redefine marriage to be relevant to 21st century life. We now talk about love and sharing our lives and being equal partners and mutual respect. Because of this, the world and the church have had to reinvent marriage. Society has reinvented it through laws. Many decry no-fault divorce, but once marriage became a joining of two loving, devoted and equal partners, it’s hard to force one to stay when he or she no longer wants to. Others decry same-sex marriage, but once society redefined marriage from a chattel arrangement to one between equals you need more reasons than unshared religious values or the ‘ick’ factor to prevent them from marrying the one they love.
The church has also reinvented marriage, most recently in the Proclamation on the Family. But as grand or inspired as you might find that document, it doesn’t reflect the reality of what marriage in the church was 100 or 50 or even 20 year ago. Re-read the polygamy parts of D&C 132, or ask someone who took her marriage vows before 1990 what she covenanted: it was a kind of marriage quite foreign to the one described in the Proclamation on the Family.
The LDS church has already reinvented marriage to conform to our ideas of morality and modern culture. Others have too. The battle now isn’t over whether ‘traditional marriage’ will survive but rather over who gets to have their redefinition accepted by the rest society.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Random and Unrelated Thoughts
*Is it bad that I am paying my daughter $20 to potty train my 3 yr. old? She's doing a great job and he seems to respond to her better than me, but for some reason I still feel a bit guilty about not doing it myself.
*It bothers me to no end when people refuse to admit flaws in their children, spouse, or themselves. I'm not saying you have to resort to negativity, but trying to portray a "perfect" image is dishonest and aims at making those around you feel "less than".
*It's been very hard for me to get over the fact that I am done having babies, but I have found myself enjoying that I have had more freedom lately. I now have 2 children that are very capable babysitters. It is incredibly strange after 14 years to be able to run errands occasionally by myself! Yes, I am one of my very favorite people to hang out with. :)
*There's a "transition" happening at my house that I have mixed feelings about. The older kids are starting to listen to their own music, and they don't watch as many cartoons but prefer more pre-teen type shows. It's hard trying to balance their likes with attempting to let the younger kids enjoy more age appropriate things just for them. My oldest wants to "hang out" with friends instead of "play" with friends. YIKES! Am I ready for this?!
*My summer tv addiction is "Cake Boss". I can't go to bed without watching at least one episode. There's something very appealing to me about an Italian family who look and talk like mob bosses, making elaborate cakes in their bakery. Love it.
*I've been very aware lately that I am aging because I guess I never really thought I would. I am enjoying the inward calmness that comes with maturing, but I don't like the wrinkles and occasional white hair that I find.
*I love my dog's perfect little black nose.
*I laughed so hard I cried yesterday for the first time in a long time, and boy did it feel good!
*Just saw the movie "Inception" last night and loved it, although I haven't had to think that hard in a looooong time which made me realize that I really want to go back to school! I really miss mental exercise.
*This summer has been one of my favorites ever. I love seeing the people my children are becoming.
*The length of my fingernails and toenails is directly related to the amount of stress I am under. (Thanks for that trait, Mom)
*I am reading a really good "bad" book, if you know what I mean--really good story line so I don't want to put it down, but I'll probably have to throw it out when I am done to get rid of the evidence. :)
*Everyday I give myself some small reward so that I have something to look forward to that is just for me. Here are some of my favorite things to reward myself with: A cold diet coke, a People magazine, buying a new book, an hour by myself, a good hard workout, sitting under the shade of our enormous tree watching my kids play, taking pictures, editing pictures, and spending time alone with Robert. Small things make me happy.
I guess that's it for now--
*It bothers me to no end when people refuse to admit flaws in their children, spouse, or themselves. I'm not saying you have to resort to negativity, but trying to portray a "perfect" image is dishonest and aims at making those around you feel "less than".
*It's been very hard for me to get over the fact that I am done having babies, but I have found myself enjoying that I have had more freedom lately. I now have 2 children that are very capable babysitters. It is incredibly strange after 14 years to be able to run errands occasionally by myself! Yes, I am one of my very favorite people to hang out with. :)
*There's a "transition" happening at my house that I have mixed feelings about. The older kids are starting to listen to their own music, and they don't watch as many cartoons but prefer more pre-teen type shows. It's hard trying to balance their likes with attempting to let the younger kids enjoy more age appropriate things just for them. My oldest wants to "hang out" with friends instead of "play" with friends. YIKES! Am I ready for this?!
*My summer tv addiction is "Cake Boss". I can't go to bed without watching at least one episode. There's something very appealing to me about an Italian family who look and talk like mob bosses, making elaborate cakes in their bakery. Love it.
*I've been very aware lately that I am aging because I guess I never really thought I would. I am enjoying the inward calmness that comes with maturing, but I don't like the wrinkles and occasional white hair that I find.
*I love my dog's perfect little black nose.
*I laughed so hard I cried yesterday for the first time in a long time, and boy did it feel good!
*Just saw the movie "Inception" last night and loved it, although I haven't had to think that hard in a looooong time which made me realize that I really want to go back to school! I really miss mental exercise.
*This summer has been one of my favorites ever. I love seeing the people my children are becoming.
*The length of my fingernails and toenails is directly related to the amount of stress I am under. (Thanks for that trait, Mom)
*I am reading a really good "bad" book, if you know what I mean--really good story line so I don't want to put it down, but I'll probably have to throw it out when I am done to get rid of the evidence. :)
*Everyday I give myself some small reward so that I have something to look forward to that is just for me. Here are some of my favorite things to reward myself with: A cold diet coke, a People magazine, buying a new book, an hour by myself, a good hard workout, sitting under the shade of our enormous tree watching my kids play, taking pictures, editing pictures, and spending time alone with Robert. Small things make me happy.
I guess that's it for now--
Monday, July 19, 2010
A Dash of Romance
I am ashamed to say that I LOVE the "Twilight" series. I will admit that both the writing in the books and the acting in the movies is mediocre at best, but nonetheless I am addicted. It is incredibly reminiscent of Robert and I falling in love at 17 and against all odds, marrying 4 years later. I am a romantic and that's one of the things that drew me to Robert. He wrote me poetry, drew me elaborate pictures of he and I together, wrote me beautiful letters during his 2 yr. mission to Portugal, and constantly surprised me with thoughtful small gifts and sweet guestures. Like the movie, we couldn't get enough of each other. When we were both at BYU, we would stay up until 2am just talking, and then be anxious to see each other again at 6am as we ate breakfast together at the dorms before our history class we had together. Everyday felt like a dream. I know. It's sappy. But it got me to thinking--Why do we accept that all that has to end after we've been married for several years and have a batch of kids and lots of responsibilities? Life lately has been a whirlwind for us; Robert is scoutmaster, he's busy with his office as well as trying to keep our rental properties rented and fixed up, I'm trying desperately to keep up with the needs of 5 kids, as well as my callings, etc., etc., etc. And somewhere along the line, romance becomes a ridiculous and impractical notion.
Last night, Robert and I were talking about this and how we didn't want it to be like this for us. So we decided to make a concerted effort to add small, romantic daily guestures back into our lives. There really are so many inconsequential things that we have in our lives that waste what precious spare time we have in the day; tv, internet, and many other things. So to say that life is "too busy" to cultivate fun, excitement, and romance in your relationship with your spouse, is just not true. This morning, not only did I wake up to him telling me he'll be thinking about me all day, but he left a love note on our white board--two very small things that have already brightened my day and reminded me why I love him so much. So now it's my turn. What am I going to do today to show him how much he is loved and cherished?
Last night, Robert and I were talking about this and how we didn't want it to be like this for us. So we decided to make a concerted effort to add small, romantic daily guestures back into our lives. There really are so many inconsequential things that we have in our lives that waste what precious spare time we have in the day; tv, internet, and many other things. So to say that life is "too busy" to cultivate fun, excitement, and romance in your relationship with your spouse, is just not true. This morning, not only did I wake up to him telling me he'll be thinking about me all day, but he left a love note on our white board--two very small things that have already brightened my day and reminded me why I love him so much. So now it's my turn. What am I going to do today to show him how much he is loved and cherished?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Highlights and Lowlights
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We just got back from a wonderful family trip to Western New York. We were able to see Niagara Falls, the Hill Cumorah Pageant, the Sacred Grove, Palmyra, stayed at a cabin on Lake Canandaigua, went boating, and did lots of hiking. Sounds amazing in theory, right? I'll let you decide:
Here's the Good--
*Got to accomplish a long-held desire to see Niagara Falls and the Sacred Grove.
*The Hill Cumorah Pageant was incredible. Very well made and powerful.
*We were able to meet up with Robert's parents and do lots of fun activities with them.
*We had a blast boating.
*I love seeing parts of the world that are different than my own. I was fascinated by the people, the scenery, and the houses.
*My kids all did really well on the plane rides, which is really great considering it took about 7 hours each way.
*Got to take many pictures of some spectacular scenery.
*We made lots of wonderful family memories.
Here's the bad and the ugly:
*Temperatures of 100 degrees with 99% humidity. We were drenched in sweat for 6 days.
*Hearing the echoes of 4 children's crying from one end of the Sacred Grove to the other. Yes, there were no spiritual experiences to be had here as I had hoped.
*Trying to navigate maps for Robert as we grew increasingly sick of each other.
*Hiking up an unexpected 1600 steps on our trek through Watkins Glen State Park.
*Sleeping in a loft bedroom where ALL sounds could be heard and no privacy was to be had.
*Having to "sit" on a child that had so much energy he was bouncing off the walls at midnight.
*Feeling guilty about not wanting to see one more church history site for a LONG time.
*Not realizing that Hunter had been stung by a wasp and telling him to stop acting like a maniac. (He was screaming like he had had a limb amputated and he wouldn't tell me what had happened, so I assumed he was overreacting.)
*When asking the kids what their favorite things were on our trip, Hunter piped up, "I would have to say the gift shop." Swell.
All in all, I am thankful for the opportunity we had to go. Only time will tell what, if anything, our kids get out of the experiences we try to give them. And as for me, I am hoping on a quick recovery from this latest family trip.
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