This year, my only goal is to live by the theme: "Do something different." As I was taking stock of my life, I realized there are certain situations, problems, and barriers I keep hitting up against over and over again. Out of habit, I react consistently in the same manner which doesn't solve the issue, but just continues it. I am in essence living the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I really want to be an active participant in my own life, a sort of gate keeper, choosing my friends wisely, my reactions carefully measured in situations that arise, acknowledging my own involvement in perpetuating harmful circumstances, and making changes as needed. I feel my life right now is a pressure cooker of long term issues that cannot be solved and unending responsibility. However, I feel empowered by the fact that I can choose my reactions deliberately, and choose not to participate in situations that are harmful to me. This involves speaking up for myself, seeking help, getting rid of unnecessary responsibility, taking care of myself, and trying new approaches to old problems. Just recently, there were two situations that arose that had given me much angst over a long period of time. I chose a different reaction this time and was able to feel much relief and like I was back in control of my own life again. I really love the serenity prayer which begins like this:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
There are so many things I realized that I am desperately holding onto in hopes that I can change them. This is a just a false perception though because I know I cannot change them. There is a calm that comes with acceptance of things that are out of your control. As long as I am holding onto hope that things can be different, I feel tremendous inner turmoil. I will continue to do everything I can to remedy things that I can affect change in, but need to let go of situations I can't. My little Ashton came home from school and told me about his day recently. He said he got in trouble, but his teacher told him, "Just do your best, and forget the rest." Such wise words. If we are doing our best, we should just be able to forget the rest.
A couple of weeks ago, we went and stayed in Midway for the weekend. We went to see the ice castles there which was really neat. Here are some pictures:
