Treading Water

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it's so busy that you feel like you're desperately treading water and in spite of your best efforts, you keep ending up with your head under water?  Well, that was this week for me.  I know when I'm in over my head when I get into the car and have to ask myself, "OK.  Why did I get in the car and where was I planning on going?" My mind just gets jumbled and I start forgetting things.  The fortunate thing was that the week was filled with mostly all good activities.

Ashton posing on our walk to preschool
graduation--which he refused to participate
in.  So we left.  Oh well.

Hunter's 4th grade performance

E. and her masterpiece story "Scary Paw"

Elisabeth and Grandma Flynn at her Kindergarten
Spring performance

Ashton and I took a long walk with the dog.  He played in this field
while I took pictures.  Very enjoyable.

Love this smile

Little Miss Attitude

The kids had been looking forward to going to Crystal Hot Springs to camp for weeks.  I should have taken it as a bad omen not to go when Robert violently threw up right before we left.  He thought it was bad food...but it was the flu.

After swimming in the hot spring pools, we warmed up
by the fire.  Then, it started to rain for 10 hours straight.
AND...wait for it...I threw up all night.

Robert feeling deathly ill.  Probably only the second or third
time our entire marriage I have seen him this sick.

Jazzy enjoyed herself though.

Ashton declaring another burnt hot dog
as DONE!

After a rough night of rain, wind, and barfing,
this is the view that we woke up to--Ashton tinkling.

At least when we got home, THIS is the picture that greeted me.  This is our
new family picture and I LOVE IT!!

An Awesome Repost

I loved this article so much, I had to repost it. It makes so much sense! And it is actually something I had never thought of before! Wow.  What do you think about what he says?

Found on the blog:  http://bycommonconsent.com

Sitting on the stand

May 26, 2011 — Norbert

I’m in the bishopric, and have been for six years. Every Sunday, I sit on the stand, and it often feels ridiculous. I can see my wife and four sons in the congregation, and she is in constant motion, never really listening to a talk, doing a stellar job of keeping everybody happy and reasonably reverent. And I sit.

My most important job on the stand is to do nothing. I find that every time I move, everybody looks at me to see what I’m doing. So I sit still and wear an expression of interest in the speaker, occasionally doing something that looks like taking notes or reading a sacred text. And I wear a suit. Wearing a suit is an important part of sitting on the stand. 

There are, of course, some practical aspects to sitting on the stand. Looking out (or really down) at the congregation, I get a sense of who is available or a possibility for a specific calling or perhaps who needs a calling more generally. We can also scope out visitors, seldom-comers and obvious investigators and target them for a between-meetings chat. I know that some bishopric-types will claim they can see how members are doing based on their body language and whatnot, but this is rubbish. Judging anybody’s spirituality on their attitude on a blizzardy Sunday morning after managing public transport or parking on the snowbanked street with a clutch of kids is obvious folly.

Sitting on the stand has to do with presiding, but the actual task of presiding, which is minimal, requires one person, not three. And so my role as a presider in sacrament meeting is to sit there, in my suit, and give a sense of gravitas: ‘presidiness’ if you will. The Handbook recommends that bishopric should be sitting on the stand five minutes before the meeting starts to set a reverent tone for the meeting. From my vantage point — perch, if you like — I can see all sorts of things need to be done to get the meeting together and get one’s kids in the right place in those critical five minutes, but three guys in suits need to be up there. Presiding.

I got a unique insight into the nature of presiding when the Helsinki Temple was dedicated. I was asked to preside at a chapel where a session of the dedication was being broadcast. (It was being broadcast in English, hence my presence.) I was a little nervous as I thought I ought to know something about what was happening or my responsibilities, but I was told by a member of the stake presidency that all I needed to do was sit on the stand (in front of the projection screen) until the broadcast started, and then I could sit with my wife. The purpose was to give everyone a sense that this was a church meeting that had a priesthood member presiding. And so I did. I sat there by myself, on the podium in the dark, feeling like a right fool, watching the ushers do their job. But doing nothing — being a figurehead in a suit in the front — was the most significant element of presiding.

I need to admit that I come off of the stand at least once during every meeting: someone needs the headphones for the translation of the meeting, or I need to get someone to translate if the member with the calling has not arrived; the audio system  or room temperature needs some adjustment; more often, my wife goes to breastfeed or deal with a recalcitrant child, and I go to fill in. In case of a fraternal fight, I sometimes wave one of the combatants to join me on the stand. I am aware that this is considered inappropriate. A visiting authority pointed this out to me and recommended having someone else do these sorts of things. I should delegate.

My experiences with formal presiding has helped me understand why the language of the Proclamation on the Family might be problematic. To summarize: in their primary roles within the home, fathers should preside, mothers should nurture. Nurturing means doing stuff, lots of stuff, which President Beck has made clear in several talks. Presiding, in my experience, means doing nothing: benignly overseeing, giving a sense that someone is in charge, making clarifying statements, but not really doing. Yes, we are to assist each other as equal partners, but the father’s primary role in the home — when not out providing and protecting — is defined by inactivity.

So here’s the thing: I’m going to keep coming off the stand when I can see a need, and sometimes, when I’m not conducting and things are a little rough, I will tell the bishop I’m sitting with my family. I suppose symbolic presiding is fine if nothing else needs to be done. But sitting on the stand, literally or metaphorically, when others have needs, in meetings or at home, is foolish and inconsistent with the example of Christ. And I’m not going to do it.

Motherhood is Complex

Motherhood can supply a myriad of emotions sometimes experienced simultaneously.  Take Friday for instance.

Wake up, get the kids up and have 30 minute scripture reading.  As I look up from my reading to see the 3 oldest intent in their scriptures, I am filled with gratitude that THEY were sent to ME.

Next, get breakfast ready, help do kids' hair, check over homework, remind them to brush teeth, make their beds, help them make lunches, etc.  STRESS.  They all need something from me and I am constantly reminding myself to answer and act kindly.

Christian hands me his English final project paper to read.  It has his art, poetry, and profound interpretation of the topic, good vs. evil in the world.  I really am so overcome with how insightful it is, I feel like I might cry.  I swear that it reads like a college student's paper.

Hunter hands me a paper to sign that says he has been chosen to represent his school at the Math/Science Olympiad.  He never ceases to amaze me!  I really am in awe of my kids' talents and abilities.  It makes me feel incredible joy to see him excel in a way I didn't even know he could.

Madison is excitedly telling me of the party she is going to that night and all of the drama between certain friends.  I love that she still freely tells me all about everything going on in her life.  Once again, I feel my heart swell when I think about how she was a peacemaker between friends and how well-liked she is.

The 3 oldest leave for school and now I just have the 2 youngest to get ready.  Elisabeth has her Spring program at school at 9:30.  Knowing that Ashton is NOT a morning person, I wait until the last possible moment to wake him up.  I am soooo excited to see my little Elisabeth perform all of her speaking parts and songs.

Ashton decides he does not want to go.  I'm in a panic.  If I wait too much longer to leave, Elisabeth will be late.  I tell myself "Patience and long-suffering", over and over.  I try sweetness, reasoning, and bribing him to get ready knowing that if I force it, he will throw one of his huge temper tantrums--one of those kicking, screaming, crying, throwing kind.  Sometimes I think he is stronger than me.  I can feel my heart beating fast and I'm starting to sweat.  I try thinking of a way out.  Is there someone that could watch him?  No.  After an hour of excruciating patience, I tell him we HAVE TO GO.  He begins screaming, kicking, and crying. I drag him to the car flailing wildly and throw him in the back seat.  Poor Elisabeth looks horrified.  She says, "Maybe you shouldn't come because of Ashton."  I feel SO bad.  And MAD.  I try to portray to her that I am in perfect control and that he will be fine by the time her program starts so she doesn't worry.  He is in the backseat finding anything to throw at my head, and kicking my seat.  I am praying that he tires himself out.  Luckily, I drop Elisabeth off at 9 and the program doesn't start until 9:30 so he has a whole 30 minutes to tire himself out.  So I sit in the parking lot while he is screaming at the top of his lungs.  A few people show looks of sympathy as they can hear him yelling from outside the car.  I think to myself, "What am I going to do with this child?!"  I consider myself to have a lot of experience with strong-willed children and feel in this situation I exhibited MASSIVE amounts of self control.  Yet, I find absolutely no solution to what I could do to alleviate this situation.  I think that I am failing him somehow.  That maybe he is acting like this because I have sub-conciously trained him without knowing it.  I think, "Maybe I had too many kids!  There's no going back now!  I'm really not cut out for this."  It's 9:25 and I absolutely must go in to get a seat.  My head is throbbing.  He is starting to get tired of screaming, thank goodness.  When he throws temper tantrums, it truly is like he is out of his mind.  I attempt to talk to him about his behavior and he says, "Sorry Mama."  I feel compassion for him--it's like he genuinely cannot control himself once he gets like that.  I forgive him.  I dearly love him.

Elisabeth's program is amazing.  Her artwork is displayed and her story about "ScaryPaw" the tiger is incredibly endearing.  Ashton didn't let me enjoy the program though, needing my attention the whole time, but at least he wasn't screaming.  I feel physically weak and my headache has turned into a migraine.  Now I just have to do the grocery shopping.  I hear my phone chime, reminding me of an awards banquet for Christian since he has been nominated as Student of the Month.  Once again I feel such overwhelming gratitude to have a child that is so gifted.  There really is nothing that he can't do.

Grocery shopping.  I tell myself  "I can do this.  I can do this."  I am squinting from my headache pain that I haven't had time to take anything for yet.  I race down each aisle, not comparing prices or brands.  Just grabbing whatever it is that I need.  Ashton is running away from me, wanting to buy this and that. I keep telling him, "Maybe for your birthday."  (Which is 10 months away)  Miraculously, he seems satisfied with this answer.  And then...  I can't find him.  CRAP.  I retrace my footsteps thinking maybe in my haste to get done fast, I left him down one of the aisles.  Then I hear over the intercom, "There is a little boy who is lost, looking for someone whose name is 'Mama.'"  I guess I have neglected to teach him what my name is.  Thank goodness I found him!  I don't care what else is on my list.  I am paying for what I have and leaving.

I take lunch to Robert and then go home where visions of movies playing for hours dance in my head.  I walk in and the house is a sty.  Friday is early out so the kids will be getting home in about an hour.  I feel the need to quickly clean it so it looks like I've been cleaning all morning.  Ridiculous, I know.

The kids walk through the door and they are all talking at once.  They are all asking me questions and handing me papers.  "Did you sign me up for Fall soccer?"  "Can Derek come over to play?"  "Did you buy me new socks?"  The pain medication I took is doing nothing for my headache.  I think about an episode of Oprah where Maya Angelou says how important it is for a Mother's face to light up when her child walks into the room.  I attempt to look "lit with joy" as they tell me their adventures of the day.

I take them to friends' houses, to parties, and pick them up.  Later on, we have a reception to go to and dinner with my sister and her husband.  Finally, I can breathe.  Christian and Hunter are babysitting Ashton and they do it without complaining.  I am so thankful to them for this!  Once again, I feel a wave of pride and gratitude wash over me.

We get home and watch a family movie together.  I love spending time together watching fun movies.  Then we have to pick Madison up at her late-night party.  She comes home bubbling with fun details.  FINALLY it is time for bed.  At 2am, the electricity goes off for 2 hours.  AHHHHH!  I cannot sleep without my sound machine to block out Robert's breathing!  TORTURE!  I finally drift off to slumberland when I feel a little tapping on my shoulder.  It's Elisabeth.  "Mama?  I'm going to throw up."  I get her situated with a sleeping bag and garbage can in my room.  She throws up.  Robert gets up to help her and then neither one of us can go back to sleep.

And then . . . we start another day over again.  Full of activities, chores, disciplining, temper tantrums, sibling fighting, stress, proud moments, joyful moments, thankful moments, and FUN.  Almost everyday, a full spectrum of emotions can be experienced.  And you know what?  I wouldn't change a thing.

AWWWW-KWARD!!

I stumbled across this website (http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/) a while back and thought I would share some family portrait "gems".

At some point, someone in this family said, "Yep.  That's
the Christmas card for us!"

Hey!  Where's Jane?  Oh, she's smelling the grass...

This poor, poor family

Let's try THIS pose!  Awesome.

Do you see the head peering out from under the mom?!

There are no words.

I think we all know how hard it is to take a family portrait

Creative posing taken to a whole new level

Oh wow.

Maybe if we add a flowerpot on each end, we'll look like a happy family.
Nope.

Do you see the baby duct taped on the end?!  Hahaha!

We're expecting BIG things from you Timmy.  No pressure.

CHEEEESY!

Really?!

Kids...

All I see is hair

Did they really think this was appropriate?

Spread eagle

I want all 3 kids to match.  I know!  How about meat coats and vests!

Is he for real?!

I am NOT my body

For about a year now, I have been a loyal follower of this blog : The NieNie Dialogues.  The author of this blog is Stephanie Nielson, a plane crash survivor, burn survivor and mormon wife and mother of four.  She is truly a modern day hero; resilient, joyful, strong, wise, and good.  Last night she was on an episode of 20/20 in which she talked about her crash 2 years ago as well as the transition from a stunningly beautiful woman, into having an outward appearance that even her children were scared of initially.  Her message of transcending her body was extremely powerful and particularly poignant in this day and age of body obsession.
          It is incredibly difficult not to feed into society's idea that a "perfect" body, as portrayed in the media, is something that should be prized above all else.  We are afraid of aging, incessantly compare ourselves to that so-called ideal that has been supremely air-brushed in magazines, we are plastic surgery obsessed, and in the name of being "free", women sell their bodies in movies, magazines, and on the internet to feed perversion as well as their own ego.  To achieve this perfection, one would have to literally make their body their full time job!  It has infiltrated advertising to young female children (padded bras for girls) and Utah has become the "botox capital" of the United States as well as one of the top providers in the nation of plastic surgery.  I do not claim to have avoided doing things to my body to preserve youth and look my best; I too struggle with the tremendous pull of the world towards body worship along with most females.  I sometimes struggle with insecurities, comparing myself to others as well as attempting to keep up with others who are beautiful, but very out of balance in their priorities.  But, I will fight this attitude for my daughters because quite simply, it is not right and I will not pass the burden of it on to them.  I refuse to be a slave to every little thing I put in my mouth.  I will be proud of my age and the wisdom that comes with it.  I will be a good example by exercising, but I will not allow it to consume my life.  I will try to be the best "me" inside and out, realizing that trying to imitate a body type that is not mine is emotionally unhealthy.  With age, I now realize that I have power over my thoughts and attitudes towards things and can catch myself when improper thinking enters my mind.  While having a "self" as a mother is of great importance, I will not let it circumvent the importance of being truly present in my children's lives.
        It is especially imperative as mothers that we display healthy attitudes towards our own bodies, accepting flaws yet still taking care of ourselves, in order for our children to model this behavior.  My 12 year old daughter had 3 friends over the other day and I could overhear a conversation in which one of them was asking the others if she was "fat", although she was tiny.  Another girl said she always wanted to maintain a size "0" frame even if it meant not eating.  I was IRATE, to say the least!  I quickly interrupted the conversation and told them they needed to go home because it was dinner time for us.  And then I was forced to have one of the many talks that I had hoped I wouldn't have to give yet, about how important it was for her to not value herself based on her appearance, and how conversations like the one I overheard are inappropriate and she should steer away from them.  Thankfully, my daughter seems somewhat oblivious at this point about how she looks.  Last week, I took my girls to their first dance competition.  While dance is a worthy skill to pursue, I was shocked that 6 year olds and even younger had full makeup applied as well as FAKE EYELASHES!  You've got to be kidding me!  Maybe I am a rebel, but I absolutely refuse put eyeliner and mascara on my 6 year old for dance competitions.  I definitely do not consider myself a prude, but I nonetheless observed a certain degree of sexuality in many of the dances.  Yes it was cute, but I cannot overlook the inevitable consequences of sexualizing girls at such young ages.  I'm thinking that maybe sports is more of the way to push my girls because there are many more acceptable types of bodies that are tolerated in sports than in dance, and sports seem to be less about how a girl looks and more about skill.
         I don't have it all figured out and have already made some mistakes, but wouldn't the world be a better place if all parents cared about the messages they were sending their children about body image?  Then my job trying to counteract all of the bad ideas and images wouldn't be so hard!

Check out this link: ( I am not my body)  I love it.

A Whirlwind Weekend

This weekend was jam packed with activities.  It was Christian's 15th birthday party, Hunter's 10th birthday party, Elisabeth and Madison's dance competitions, Mother's Day, a date with Robert to see the play "The Hasty Heart", a photo shoot, and dinner guests on Sunday.

For Christian's party, he decided he wanted to invite 4 of his friends to ride Frontrunner downtown to the Gateway to see the new movie, "Thor" on opening day.  They also went out to eat at the food court while they were there and then rode the train home.  They missed their train coming home so they had to catch another one an hour later, but other than that, it went off without a hitch!  And talk about an easy party to put on!  This is the only picture I could take right before they boarded the train.

I can't believe he's 15!!!















For Hunter's party, he invited his 5 best buddies to go to FatCats in Ogden.  They did the bumper cars, arcade games, and miniature golf.  He said it was his favorite birthday ever.  Success!!

Madison and Elisabeth both do Jazz and Hip Hop classes.  They had their first competition on Saturday.




















I have done a LOT of photo shoots lately.  I got to do my brother's family on Friday.  Unfortunately, their baby fell asleep in the car and she was not happy when they woke her up so we had a really hard time getting good shots.  But there were a few:

Brooklyn, aka Patty

One of the only pictures she smiled for!  This is
Charlotte, aka Pippy

The real coloring is actually much better than this represents

This is a senior photo shoot I did for Caitlyn.  She is incredibly photogenic.

AND . . . I did a recent shoot with my gorgeous sister Kristen who is incredibly modest and refuses to post them on her blog, so I will post some of my fav's.

Those EYES!

We wanted to do something a little different by making most of her pictures
really light.  Not many people can pull it off, but she did.

She looks like a Calvin Klein model here.  And isn't this orchard gorgeous?!

I could seriously post 20 more of her, but I need to go make dinner and help kids with homework.  The best part of the weekend?  My date with Robert to see an amazing play at Hale Centre Theatre and reading the kids' cards on Mother's Day.  I love my 4 peanuts and a cashew!