For about a year now, I have been a loyal follower of this blog : The NieNie Dialogues. The author of this blog is Stephanie Nielson, a plane crash survivor, burn survivor and mormon wife and mother of four. She is truly a modern day hero; resilient, joyful, strong, wise, and good. Last night she was on an episode of 20/20 in which she talked about her crash 2 years ago as well as the transition from a stunningly beautiful woman, into having an outward appearance that even her children were scared of initially. Her message of transcending her body was extremely powerful and particularly poignant in this day and age of body obsession.
It is incredibly difficult not to feed into society's idea that a "perfect" body, as portrayed in the media, is something that should be prized above all else. We are afraid of aging, incessantly compare ourselves to that so-called ideal that has been supremely air-brushed in magazines, we are plastic surgery obsessed, and in the name of being "free", women sell their bodies in movies, magazines, and on the internet to feed perversion as well as their own ego. To achieve this perfection, one would have to literally make their body their full time job! It has infiltrated advertising to young female children (padded bras for girls) and Utah has become the "botox capital" of the United States as well as one of the top providers in the nation of plastic surgery. I do not claim to have avoided doing things to my body to preserve youth and look my best; I too struggle with the tremendous pull of the world towards body worship along with most females. I sometimes struggle with insecurities, comparing myself to others as well as attempting to keep up with others who are beautiful, but very out of balance in their priorities. But, I will fight this attitude for my daughters because quite simply, it is not right and I will not pass the burden of it on to them. I refuse to be a slave to every little thing I put in my mouth. I will be proud of my age and the wisdom that comes with it. I will be a good example by exercising, but I will not allow it to consume my life. I will try to be the best "me" inside and out, realizing that trying to imitate a body type that is not mine is emotionally unhealthy. With age, I now realize that I have power over my thoughts and attitudes towards things and can catch myself when improper thinking enters my mind. While having a "self" as a mother is of great importance, I will not let it circumvent the importance of being truly present in my children's lives.
It is especially imperative as mothers that we display healthy attitudes towards our own bodies, accepting flaws yet still taking care of ourselves, in order for our children to model this behavior. My 12 year old daughter had 3 friends over the other day and I could overhear a conversation in which one of them was asking the others if she was "fat", although she was tiny. Another girl said she always wanted to maintain a size "0" frame even if it meant not eating. I was IRATE, to say the least! I quickly interrupted the conversation and told them they needed to go home because it was dinner time for us. And then I was forced to have one of the many talks that I had hoped I wouldn't have to give yet, about how important it was for her to not value herself based on her appearance, and how conversations like the one I overheard are inappropriate and she should steer away from them. Thankfully, my daughter seems somewhat oblivious at this point about how she looks. Last week, I took my girls to their first dance competition. While dance is a worthy skill to pursue, I was shocked that 6 year olds and even younger had full makeup applied as well as FAKE EYELASHES! You've got to be kidding me! Maybe I am a rebel, but I absolutely refuse put eyeliner and mascara on my 6 year old for dance competitions. I definitely do not consider myself a prude, but I nonetheless observed a certain degree of sexuality in many of the dances. Yes it was cute, but I cannot overlook the inevitable consequences of sexualizing girls at such young ages. I'm thinking that maybe sports is more of the way to push my girls because there are many more acceptable types of bodies that are tolerated in sports than in dance, and sports seem to be less about how a girl looks and more about skill.
I don't have it all figured out and have already made some mistakes, but wouldn't the world be a better place if all parents cared about the messages they were sending their children about body image? Then my job trying to counteract all of the bad ideas and images wouldn't be so hard!
Check out this link: ( I am not my body) I love it.
5 comments:
In an ideal world there would be no competition, no comparisons, just equality and happiness. The dreadful truth is we do live in a very competitive and comparative world. A world that rewards winners. Each generation defines what a winner is and if that definition is not what you are, you fail to get the world's rewards. This isn't something new, it is just that society has permiated it's values so deeply through the various forms of media, that we start believing they must be true. Even those of us who feel like our priorities are right and our view of eternity is clear can't help but fall into the traps of earthly honor and reward. We are all guilty. We all seem to sit beside the tree of life eating the fruit of the tree like popcorn while watching across the gulf to the great a spacious building for entertainment and approval.
On the other hand, I think the vast majority of people are lazy and would rather eat unhealthy and without limits, dress like slobs, stop working and live a socially aberrant life if it were not for the socially unacceptableness of it all--clearly, however I do see an increasing frequency of people at grocery stores in flannel pajama bottoms and unkept hair who don't seem to give a rat's freckle about appropriate social etiquette.
So is competition good? Is being better than the next person, business, or style a good thing? I think that's a tricky one. It's good when it gives us more choices. Its good when choosing a date to have the option to pick the prettier one. It's good when the new product is more useful or clever than the other one we could have picked. It's good when they are performing surgery on you and you have the one with a little more experience or the more comfortable waiting room. In other words it's good for those of us on the outside who merely get to choose our best option. But what about the one not chosen. What about the girl not picked for prom, or the store owner who goes out of business, or the idea that sits unused on the shelf, or the talented surgeon without any patients to treat? To them competition has darwinianly stomped them into extinction. And that is sad, because they still had worth, sometime even more so than the ones who were selected, even if nobody noticed.
So what am I trying to say is we live in a world that lies upon the tip a two edge sword which both rewards and punishes it's occupants as they try to appease it's sense of values. So tread lightly for that which you think will make you great may also lead to your very destruction. On the other hand, taking the road less travel may just get you lost in the woods!
You hit the nail on the head. There is so much pressure on younger and younger girls to flaunt their bodies. I don't know if this pressure comes more from males or ffemales, themselves. The adversary is very much involved in this and it is wise parents that guide their daughters by example and principle. Our bodies are sacred temples and it is THE most important reason we chose to come here. All we need to do is exercise in moderation, obey the word of wisdom, and be clean in mind and body. Wouldn't we seriously be healthier, happier, and more attractive? And obedient???
Sandra, I LOVE you and am grateful you are my friend and that you are willing to share your thoughts because they are just wonderful! I agree with you completely and have struggled with this balance as well.
I love what you wrote though!
Sandra, I LOVE YOU! THank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so grateful you are brave enough to do so and I am grateful you are my friend.
I struggle with this balance as well and I hope and pray that my girls will learn a little from me and not struggle as much as I have.
Sandy, I appreciate this post. I can't imagine being a slave to my body and being so into image and my appearance. It seems like everyone who is caught up in this is living in their own personal prison. Although I refuse to "age gracefully", to me that means just taking good care of my body, eating healthy, doing everything in my power to stay in shape and feel my best. Hearing stories like the conversation Maddie had with her friends makes me worry for my future children. I can only assume it will only get worse and more vain over time. Thank you for sharing. There's more to life than looking good and needing constant assurance and praise for good looks.
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