2 Heads Are Better Than 1

I don't believe in division of responsibility among spouses strictly down gender lines.  I believe you should do what works best for you and your family.  In our home, we BOTH preside as joint leaders.  I have never understood the need to delineate the father as "presiding" in the home.  Does that just mean that when the oh-so-important task of choosing someone to say a prayer is needed, the male is to step forward and show his mighty leadership skills?  In Relief Society when discussing how we can honor the priesthood, part of the lesson teaches that you need to encourage your husband to lead.  I find this suggestion belittling to men, much as I would feel if Robert felt it necessary to encourage me to work on my homemaking skills.  In our house, family home evening is almost always done by me; planned, conducted, and carried out by me.  This is because growing up, my family always had family night which instilled this habit in me and so I know that if I am in charge, it will get done.  Robert's strength is family scripture study, so he organizes and leads that activity because he has always had this wonderful habit.  I LOVE yard work.  Therefore, it is usually me and the kids who mow the lawn, pull weeds and plant things.  It is always surprising to me when someone expresses amazement that I would be doing the yard work.  To me it makes much more sense for me to do the yard work because I LIKE IT instead of assuming that Robert should do it because he is male.  Robert has no problem taking all 5 kids somewhere by himself or doing laundry and dishes.
     When we lived in Kentucky, we had a home teacher that thought that since the man was the patriarch of the home, that when he needed to make an appointment to come over he would only talk to Robert.  You may think I am exaggerating, but he actually TOLD us that this is how it should be in every home.  Somehow "patriarch" and "preside" got mixed up with me needing someone to answer for me.  Even if he saw me at church, he would tell me to have Robert call him to make an appointment.  Robert and I both found this amusing so whenever we were both present and he asked when would be a good time to come, Robert would answer, "You'll have to ask my wife."  This left him flustered and disgruntled, much to our further amusement.  I also recall a time when Robert was called into the Bishop's office to ask for his permission for me to have a calling.  I was mortified.  Didn't he have enough respect for me to let me answer for myself?!  How degrading.  It made me feel like I was a child and that Robert was my parent--responsible for taking care of me.  Blahhhhh!  At Robert's encouragement, I went into the Bishop after this to let him know that from now on, he should come to ME first when calling me to a church position.  I have little tolerance for traditions that make no sense and are no longer practical.  Sometimes people just do things because that's the way they've always been done without stopping to think, "Does this make sense?"  "Does this work well for my family?"  As a matter of fact, I think that people who structure their homes with strong division of responsibility lines are often stunted in their individual growth.  Let me give an example.  Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend and so it was up to Robert to take two of the kids back and forth from tumbling, make dinner, and start homework.  He of course managed to do this with flying colors because he has never limited himself to the archaic notion of what male responsibilities are.  I think because of this, he is closer to our kids.  After all, "presiding" is a sort of static term not really meaning any action is involved, it's just a term referring to someone that stands at the head.  I know men that have never even boiled water and when their wife is away, she must do everything beforehand for him so that he is not helpless.  I know women who don't have a clue about how to do the family finances.  Should something happen to their husband, they would be lost not knowing what to do.  Everyday night after dinner, it is an unspoken rule that both of us divide and conquer.  We split up doing evening chores with the kids such as dishes and cleaning the family room, as well as helping each child with homework.  No one stops until it is ALL done.
     As I mentioned, last night I went out to dinner with my long-time friend Lisa.  I have written about her before; she is my age having never married, is highly educated and has worked in Kenya for the Peace Corp for several years and traveled the world.  BY HERSELF.  Her next adventure is going to Korea to teach English in a private school.  As I sat at dinner wide-eyed and taking in every word of her traveling adventures to Thailand, India, Kenya, Cambodia, Vietnam, etc. I couldn't fathom that she had done all of this by herself!  Don't get me wrong, although I am fascinated by her life, I thoroughly love mine and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I do not possess her level of independence and I wish I did.  I couldn't help but wonder how comforting it must feel to have the know-how and confidence to completely provide for yourself and protect yourself in any country.  I am thankful I don't have to, but it certainly would make me feel stronger to know that I could if I had to.  It took me back in time to when my sister Kristen and I took a trip just the two of us to San Francisco.  Somehow, we took a wrong turn late at night while walking to get to our hotel.  There were homeless and scary looking men ogling us and yelling things at us all the way down the street.  It was a little scary I have to admit!  It was also somewhat difficult trying to find our way around because I usually just let Robert take care of that.  I definitely felt stunted because I have relied on him so heavily in this way.  So last night, I came to this conclusion:  Every married person should learn how to do everything that their spouse does in case they ever had to do it all by themselves.  This would also have the added benefit of more appreciation for each other when you had to experience what the other person usually does.  I think it is fine and wonderful to depend on each other and split up responsibilities to get things done more efficiently, but not at the expense of not knowing how to do certain responsibilities.  I love when Robert does things for me to lighten my burden, NOT because I can't do it for myself.
     Next Fall, when my youngest starts kindergarten, I plan on going back to school to get my Master's Degree in Social Work.  I have always loved this field of study, but I also want to be more prepared to provide for my family if the economy gets worse or something happens to Robert.  I am well aware that I would not ever earn anything close to what he does as a dentist, but I think that if I were more educated and we down-sized our life a LOT, we could survive if we had to--especially since we don't have very much debt.  In this day and age, we really can't afford as women to only know how to do responsibilities limited to the home and family.  Life is unpredictable and circumstances are precarious in the world.  The forces of evil are so powerful that in my opinion, TWO leaders in the home is vital.  What do you think?

Transition

Now that I've had a week to recover from the summer and to process the transitions I am going through, I can now write about it.  One of the main goals I have had in raising my children is to teach them independence.  This was the first summer that I really felt their ability to be somewhat self-sufficient taking over.   The house felt empty many times as the two oldest were busy with friends and summer camps.  The two youngest have finally reached the stage where I don't have to worry so much that they are going to leave the house without telling me or swallow pennies.  All of my children are capable of making their own lunches (yes, even the 4 year old), folding and putting away their own laundry, and doing all sorts of household duties, including mowing the lawn for the 3 oldest.  And I am very proud of this because as any Mom knows, it's HARD to motivate kids to work--way harder then if we were to just do it ourselves.  My kids did jobs EVERYDAY of summer except on my birthday (a wonderful gift to myself) and by the end of summer, they would get up, look around and see what needed to be done, and do it because they knew there was no way out of it.  Success!  But boy did it take a lot of long-suffering on my part!  ( I think I may have aged at least a few years from this)
     Raising children produces such a complex mixture of emotions.  For example, I am so proud that they are growing up into good and happy people, but I miss the sweet toddler phase of each of them,  when they get their two bottom teeth and take their first steps.  So here are some things I am thankful for right at this moment and trying very hard to hold on to:

*My 12 year old still calls me "Mama."  I know the days are numbered before someone makes her feel uncomfortable for this, so I will cling to it every minute of every day.

*I still have children young enough to play at the park and go to children's museums.  There is almost nothing quite as enjoyable as watching your child gleefully playing at the park on a pleasant, not-too-hot day.  On one day this summer, I took all 5 kids to the park for a picnic and it made me so happy to be there with all of them!

*My 4 year old still carries his ratty old stuffed dog everywhere he goes and insists on wearing one glove everyday.  He also calls sandwiches "smash-smiches".  How I LOVE that!

*They all still seem to prefer being at home versus their friend's houses.  Yes, it is hectic with them and their friends over, but I am grateful they love to be home.

*With the exception of Christian, they all still believe in Santa Claus (I am wondering if I may have to force Madison to "see the light" on this one, after all she is 12).  Holidays are magical with children.  As a matter of fact, we have received a few Halloween magazines in the mail and the kids covet them like candy.  They look through them everyday and put them in a special place so I don't throw them out.

*None of them have progressed to the teenage thinking that reasons, "Why isn't YOUR room clean?" when I ask them to clean their room.  I know the days are numbered on this one too because the older they get, the more they watch your every move.

*They all still want me at all of their school and extracurricular events.  They don't seem to be embarrassed of me…yet.  (Maybe I'm just oblivious to their embarrassment)

*One of the things I treasure most about my children is their innocence.  How I wish they could always be unconscious of the evils of the world around them!  At this point, they still think the "s-h word" is shut-up. And that "stupid", "idiot", and the word "dumb" are all bad words, worthy of punishment.

*Most of them still "make-believe" play.  I love when they dress up in costumes, pretend they are dogs, or that they are teachers at school or the mom and dad with their stuffed animals as children.

*They get excited for every weekend when they can sleep in sleeping bags all together downstairs.

*My almost 7 year old still LOVES tigers, lions, and leopards.  She pretends she is one every day, ski-daddling around the house.  Sooo precious!  When she introduces herself, she says her full name:  Elisabeth Rose Tigerdog Flynn.

Ashton mopping as his summer chore

Ashton making himself lunch

On another topic, Christian FINISHED his Eagle Project which was to make a bookshelf and collect funds to buy books for women and children at the domestic violence shelter in Kaysville. (Safe Harbor)  I couldn't believe how generous people were!  He collected around $1500 and was able to buy about 125 books!   Way to go Christian!  (And his parents)

This is right before he took all of the donations to the shelter
to drop off.

Gorgeous St. George and Back to School

Ashton and Elisabeth hugging before she left for school

Christian's 1st day of HIGH SCHOOL (holy cow!)

Elisabeth on the 1st day of 1st grade (or maybe 2nd grade)

Tigerdog being a tiger dog

Miss Madison's 1st day of Junior High

Hunter's 1st day of 5th grade

Ashton refused to smile for a picture after Elisabeth left

My family had a short, but extremely enjoyable trip to St. George this weekend.  It was our yearly family reunion trip.  Unfortunately, my sister Becky and her family couldn't make it.  It was so fun to see my brother with his two girls being such an amazing father and my sister Kristen in her bikini and pregnant belly.  And to top it off--we all got along!

Kolob Canyon

Cousins Ashton, Elisabeth, and Brooklyn 

Samara, Krissy, and Me with Charlotte and B

He couldn't get enough of jumping off the diving board!

My brother with his two girls

Christian

I couldn't get enough of her precious body
jumping off the diving board!  Sooo cute!

"Brinkman"

Robert and Christian at the top with Hunter coming up

Stevie

None of them wanted to go through Kolob Canyon--thus the fake smiles
and grouchy faces

You Know It's the End of Summer When . . .

You know it's the end of summer when . . .

*You find yourself tiptoeing around the house when you realize that the two youngest kids are actually playing nicely in their rooms and you don't want them to remember that you are home because then they will need you for something.

*Your 6 year old wakes you up at 6:30am to ask what the day's exciting plans are and you feel a full blown panic attack coming on because you are plum out of energy, creativity, patience, and will power.

*Your feet stick to the kitchen floor with every step, your bathroom smells like the zoo, your sink smells like a rotting rag, the laundry is knee deep and you are so overwhelmed you opt to just do NONE of it.  Afterall, it will still be waiting for you tomorrow.

*The sound of the word, "Mama" is not endearing, but sends chills of dread up your spine.

*You have 4 of the 5 kids in the bathroom while you are on the toilet or in the shower and you no longer care.  They have finally taken your last ounce of dignity and stomped the crap out of it.

*The fighting of siblings starts first thing in the morning and lasts until bed time.  Your solution is to yell at them to "Turn on the TV!"  and "Don't look at each other, speak to each other, touch each other, or breathe on each other!"

*You desperately think of errands that may or may not be needing to be done just to get yourself out of the house.

*Your kids want to wear their pajamas all day and you're just glad they are wearing clothes. 

*You realize, once again, that lowered expectations is the KEY to surviving the summer with kids.

*You find yourself locking yourself in your bedroom more and more, realizing that indeed, you are your own best friend.  And that's okay!

*For your birthday, which is the last month of summer break, you give yourself the best gift:  No chores for the kids for the day because of the amazing amount of energy it requires to endure the process of getting them to do them.  Happy Freaking Birthday!

*You marvel at what tried and true friends your bed, computer, and handy lock on your door are.  Hmmm.  Not good--those are all inanimate objects.  Not good.

*You daydream about how close everyone will all be once again after you are all separated for the day, everyday.  Ahhhhh--those were the days . . .

*Cold cereal becomes the favorite dinner of both the kids and the mom.

*Your 4 year old wants to have a popsicle for breakfast and that doesn't sound like such a bad idea anymore.

How I love my 5 precious peanuts, but IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL TO START ALREADY!

books.

I love books.  Everything about them; the feel, the smell, the characters, the words.  I love that the characters become my friends, people I can draw wisdom from, live vicariously through, and learn about different cultures than my own.  I love the immense power that words have and the beauty of how a skilled author can string words together in a way I never would have thought to.  One of my very favorite places on earth are book stores.  The smell, oh the smell of new books and the grand appeal of disappearing into another person's life for a while.  One thing about me is that I'm almost always reading 2-3 books at a time--I can't just read one.  Another thing is that I wouldn't be caught dead at a church sponsored book club--I can't stand being around people that only want to read LDS fiction (my least favorite genre of book) or LDS non-fiction and are easily offended by ugly truth that may involve the occasional bad word or circumstance that they would rather just shut their eyes to.   And with that, I will introduce you to this summer's reading:

"Sister of My Heart" by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
--A story of 2 girls from India who are not biological sisters, but have a bond stronger than even their mothers can comprehend.  This book takes you through the hardships of their culture and their lives and how through it all, their love sustains them.

"East of Eden" by John Steinbeck
--Long, but richly developed characters written by a renowned author.  This is the tale of the lives of two families and how they are intertwined through several generations.  It also has a modern day Cain and Abel story line through it.

"The 19th Wife" by David Ebershoff
--Definitely not for the faint of heart, or anyone that has "issues" with polygamy.  Although it contains some disturbing facts about early polygamy in the LDS church, I found that it sort of freed me from some of my bitterness regarding the early church because it clearly shows the evolution of our church in a way that I had never thought of before.  It is based around one of Brigham Young's wives who was the only one of his wives to seek a divorce from him.   She went on to lobby for the government to take a stand against polygamy, which they ultimately did.  It also has a fiction story mixed in with it about a modern day "lost boy" who was thrown out of his polygamist  family.  Read at your own risk…

"The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls
--The memoir of a deeply dysfunctional family which shows the complexity of loyalty and pain that permeated the children's lives as they were forced to raise themselves.

"Half Broke Horses" by Jeannette Walls
--This is a true-life novel written by the same author as the above book and is the story of the adventurous and hard life of the author's grandmother who is a spirited, fiercely outspoken heroine.

"Women Food and God" by Geneen Roth
--This book leads with the premise that the way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive.  Your relationship with food is an exact mirror of your feelings about love, fear, anger, meaning, transformation, and even God.

"Animal Farm" by George Orwell
--This book is an allegory written by a democratic socialist regarding his views on Communism, all told through a sort of parable about animals that take over a farm from their human owners.

Most of these books are about people with lives and/or cultures very different than my own.  I immensely enjoy having my mind broadened by reading about the plights of people in different cultures.

Books I am reading next:

"The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway

"The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer

"State of Wonder" by Ann Patchett

"A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini

AND NOW FOR… The many faces of Ashton

Jazzy's tongue is out in every picture!

Soundbites and pictures

*We watched the movie "Soul Surfer" together as a family which is an inspiring true story of a girl who loved to surf and then had her arm tragically bitten off by a shark.  She comes back to win a national title in spite of her missing arm and at the end she says she wouldn't trade having her arm back for the experiences she learned.  This is the pinnacle of the movie where most people would be tearing up, but Hunter pipes up, "I wouldn't want the experience!  I would just want my arm back!  Why would you want a stub?!"  Lesson NOT learned.

*Doing the ULCER bike race with my Dad and sister Kristen.  It was a gorgeous day and I greatly enjoyed their company.  Upon passing a field with horses and a lone donkey, Kristen uses the opportunity to say, "That is a HUGE ass!"  To which I added, "A HUGE, STINKY ass!"  Hahaha!  My poor Dad yells, "I can hear you two!"  In our defense, it truly was a huge ass, in the biblical non-cussing sense of course.

Me before the race

*I told Ashton to go put on his sandals before going swimming to which he replied, "I'm just going to wear my toes today Mama."  Sooo cute!

*Madison and Christian returned home from a 6 day trip with their Grandma and Grandpa Flynn to Washington DC.  I was proud that they worked really hard to earn half the money needed to go on this trip! They were able to visit some Flynn cousins there, see many famous sites, and go to Six Flags.  I really did miss them and was so happy to have them return!

Washington Monument

Names of those who died during the Holocaust
(Holocaust Museum)

The US Capitol

Lincoln Memorial

The White House

Christian took this of the White House.  Isn't it beautiful?

Washington Monument

*I asked Elisabeth a question and she replied, "Yes, my love."  Where did she get that?!  Adorable.

*This summer Elisabeth and Ashton have really become close.  They have played (and fought) all day together.  Ashton has really matured over the last several months and has learned how to play well with others and that actions have consequences.  These pictures were taken before church on Sunday.

This week, Robert, Christian, and Hunter are at Scout Camp.  The house seems empty and I miss them.  Worst of all, there is no cell reception where they are so I can't talk to any of them for a whole week!