2 Heads Are Better Than 1

I don't believe in division of responsibility among spouses strictly down gender lines.  I believe you should do what works best for you and your family.  In our home, we BOTH preside as joint leaders.  I have never understood the need to delineate the father as "presiding" in the home.  Does that just mean that when the oh-so-important task of choosing someone to say a prayer is needed, the male is to step forward and show his mighty leadership skills?  In Relief Society when discussing how we can honor the priesthood, part of the lesson teaches that you need to encourage your husband to lead.  I find this suggestion belittling to men, much as I would feel if Robert felt it necessary to encourage me to work on my homemaking skills.  In our house, family home evening is almost always done by me; planned, conducted, and carried out by me.  This is because growing up, my family always had family night which instilled this habit in me and so I know that if I am in charge, it will get done.  Robert's strength is family scripture study, so he organizes and leads that activity because he has always had this wonderful habit.  I LOVE yard work.  Therefore, it is usually me and the kids who mow the lawn, pull weeds and plant things.  It is always surprising to me when someone expresses amazement that I would be doing the yard work.  To me it makes much more sense for me to do the yard work because I LIKE IT instead of assuming that Robert should do it because he is male.  Robert has no problem taking all 5 kids somewhere by himself or doing laundry and dishes.
     When we lived in Kentucky, we had a home teacher that thought that since the man was the patriarch of the home, that when he needed to make an appointment to come over he would only talk to Robert.  You may think I am exaggerating, but he actually TOLD us that this is how it should be in every home.  Somehow "patriarch" and "preside" got mixed up with me needing someone to answer for me.  Even if he saw me at church, he would tell me to have Robert call him to make an appointment.  Robert and I both found this amusing so whenever we were both present and he asked when would be a good time to come, Robert would answer, "You'll have to ask my wife."  This left him flustered and disgruntled, much to our further amusement.  I also recall a time when Robert was called into the Bishop's office to ask for his permission for me to have a calling.  I was mortified.  Didn't he have enough respect for me to let me answer for myself?!  How degrading.  It made me feel like I was a child and that Robert was my parent--responsible for taking care of me.  Blahhhhh!  At Robert's encouragement, I went into the Bishop after this to let him know that from now on, he should come to ME first when calling me to a church position.  I have little tolerance for traditions that make no sense and are no longer practical.  Sometimes people just do things because that's the way they've always been done without stopping to think, "Does this make sense?"  "Does this work well for my family?"  As a matter of fact, I think that people who structure their homes with strong division of responsibility lines are often stunted in their individual growth.  Let me give an example.  Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend and so it was up to Robert to take two of the kids back and forth from tumbling, make dinner, and start homework.  He of course managed to do this with flying colors because he has never limited himself to the archaic notion of what male responsibilities are.  I think because of this, he is closer to our kids.  After all, "presiding" is a sort of static term not really meaning any action is involved, it's just a term referring to someone that stands at the head.  I know men that have never even boiled water and when their wife is away, she must do everything beforehand for him so that he is not helpless.  I know women who don't have a clue about how to do the family finances.  Should something happen to their husband, they would be lost not knowing what to do.  Everyday night after dinner, it is an unspoken rule that both of us divide and conquer.  We split up doing evening chores with the kids such as dishes and cleaning the family room, as well as helping each child with homework.  No one stops until it is ALL done.
     As I mentioned, last night I went out to dinner with my long-time friend Lisa.  I have written about her before; she is my age having never married, is highly educated and has worked in Kenya for the Peace Corp for several years and traveled the world.  BY HERSELF.  Her next adventure is going to Korea to teach English in a private school.  As I sat at dinner wide-eyed and taking in every word of her traveling adventures to Thailand, India, Kenya, Cambodia, Vietnam, etc. I couldn't fathom that she had done all of this by herself!  Don't get me wrong, although I am fascinated by her life, I thoroughly love mine and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I do not possess her level of independence and I wish I did.  I couldn't help but wonder how comforting it must feel to have the know-how and confidence to completely provide for yourself and protect yourself in any country.  I am thankful I don't have to, but it certainly would make me feel stronger to know that I could if I had to.  It took me back in time to when my sister Kristen and I took a trip just the two of us to San Francisco.  Somehow, we took a wrong turn late at night while walking to get to our hotel.  There were homeless and scary looking men ogling us and yelling things at us all the way down the street.  It was a little scary I have to admit!  It was also somewhat difficult trying to find our way around because I usually just let Robert take care of that.  I definitely felt stunted because I have relied on him so heavily in this way.  So last night, I came to this conclusion:  Every married person should learn how to do everything that their spouse does in case they ever had to do it all by themselves.  This would also have the added benefit of more appreciation for each other when you had to experience what the other person usually does.  I think it is fine and wonderful to depend on each other and split up responsibilities to get things done more efficiently, but not at the expense of not knowing how to do certain responsibilities.  I love when Robert does things for me to lighten my burden, NOT because I can't do it for myself.
     Next Fall, when my youngest starts kindergarten, I plan on going back to school to get my Master's Degree in Social Work.  I have always loved this field of study, but I also want to be more prepared to provide for my family if the economy gets worse or something happens to Robert.  I am well aware that I would not ever earn anything close to what he does as a dentist, but I think that if I were more educated and we down-sized our life a LOT, we could survive if we had to--especially since we don't have very much debt.  In this day and age, we really can't afford as women to only know how to do responsibilities limited to the home and family.  Life is unpredictable and circumstances are precarious in the world.  The forces of evil are so powerful that in my opinion, TWO leaders in the home is vital.  What do you think?