The Multi-Faceted Woman

Today, I read the February Visiting Teaching message. The focus was on strengthening family and home. Again. Yes, I know this one inside out and upside down. I’m told I must “guard my hearth” against the evils of the big bad world. Sigh. Yes. I know. Sister Barbara Thompson speaks again of how my role is in the home and how I have a responsibility to strengthen families, regardless of how mine looks.  It feels like a one note tune.

Deep breaths. I read on.

Bathsheba Smith, back row, second from the left. Deseret Hospital Board.

I appreciate the nod to history and hearing what Bathsheba W. Smith had to say 110 years ago about family, but it doesn’t escape my notice there is no mention of Sister Smith’s opinions outside of what I should be doing around my hearth. The quotes included in the bland message neglect something important- something that might be missing and leaving Visiting Teaching such a dry, dusty husk of what it could be…

There is no mention whatsoever that Bathsheba W. Smith was a leading suffragette in the west, fighting vocally for women to have the vote. She was on the board of directors for a major hospital and she was the matron of the Salt Lake Temple. Bathsheba Smith, in addition to being the General Relief Society president, was a diarist and an artist, and she drew the quite famous pencil portrait of Joseph Smith Jr. in profile. I daresay she was busy doing things besides simply watching her hearth. I like to think she might encourage me to do so as well.  How INFINITELY more compelling and interesting it would be to hear more things like this about the early women in the church!  That’s the kind of Visiting Teaching message I want to hear, and message in general when I am listening to conference.

I found this thought on the blog "Feminist Mormon Housewives":  "Maybe if women were encouraged to do something besides watch the babies, watch the hearth, watch the bad world out our window, maybe visiting each other would become less of a chore, and more of a way to connect and work with each other. Maybe not. But reading the messages would sure be a lot more interesting, and it would help me feel my church sees me as something besides and one-dimensional pot-watcher and baby-maker. My foremothers certainly did."

This totally could have been me who wrote said this, which is maybe why I liked it so much.  I feel such a huge disconnect when I read or listen to women in the Relief Society General Presidency because I don't see myself in them; both as I am now or the person I am aiming to be.  I almost feel like I am watching women speak that are from a completely different culture, and because of that, I don't know what to do with the advice I hear from them.  I perceive that they feel there is a need to present a persona to us that they are always happy, always fulfilled, and all of the same mind and opinions, and therefore we should be too.  While I appreciate them bending over backwards to let us know how wonderful women of the church are at each conference session, sometimes I feel placated; like I am being treated like a little child who is being patted on my precious head.  I have confidence in who I am and am striving to be in my own home, and it us usually only when I attend these meetings that I feel frustrated with my "role" as a mother.  I am  so tired of being told what my "job" is!  I look around at the women in the church that I know, both in Utah and out of Utah and they are all striving to be great mothers and already realize how important their job is. When I was younger and fought feelings of inadequacy as a mother, I was ultimately freed when I finally realized that the only time I felt this way was when I was attempting to live someone else's ideal for me, and not my own. The thing is, I truly believe that they want us as women to be multi-faceted, they just sometimes forget how important representing the whole picture of a woman is.  Perhaps women in the church wouldn't struggle so much with depression, with comparing themselves to an imagined perfect woman, and feelings of inadequacy if this were the case.  I myself, live a very "traditional" mormon life, and I love it.  I love it because at every turn, I CHOSE it without feeling obligation or force.  However, I fully acknowledge and respect the fact that my lifestyle is not for everyone.  There are mothers who want (or need) to work.  There are mothers who only desire to have 1 or 2 children.  There are mothers who are extremely involved in community outreach programs or going to school or broadening their talents.  There is a woman in my ward who loves the mechanics of fixing things, so she has her own mobile lawnmower repair business.  I for one, could not imagine my life without photography, writing, learning, exercise, and time alone.  However, when I read the monthly Ensign VT message, I feel like instead of a choice, the one-dimensional woman is being forced upon me as the one and only way to be.  Is there room for differences?  How is it even possible with all of the billions of women on the Earth with diverse needs and personalities, that we are all supposed to fit into a particular mold in order to be righteous mother's in Zion?  Indeed like Bathsheba Smith (an unfortunate name), we are all different, having many interests, desires for good outside of our homes, and talents we would like to pursue.  What an opportunity was missed in leaving out the things in her life that make her interesting, relatable, and admirable, at least in my eyes.  THIS is why women feel shame about themselves--not because the evil world questions our worth as mothers, but because when women find they can't sustain someone else's idea of how they are supposed to be, they feel like they have failed at the one thing they hold as most important.

Snowed In and On

One of my favorite feelings is when it's snowing outside and all 5 of my baby birds are tucked into their nests, late at night.  I know it won't be many more years before they are out later with friends and off to college and missions.  Last weekend was a cozy, happy weekend full of sledding, hot chocolate, snow angels, fires in the fireplace, relaxing and not much to do.  And I loved it.

Me and Ashbear

The kids LOVED getting "snowed" on by the snowblower.  I think Robert
enjoyed himself too!

Brothers, playing in the ice

Sledding!

Right before the snow storm

Farmington pond was frozen over

oh Jazzy.

Snowflake kissed

Right before the snow we walked along Lagoon Trail

Madison flopping stomach first onto the tramp

Handsome Hunts, in the snow

This girl is ALWAYS in motion

Snow angels!!

Love this boy

More Than Just Cleaning Toilets

Do you ever feel as a mother that you are living the same day over, and over, and over?  I had been feeling like that a lot in the past several weeks until a couple of days ago.  It was Saturday morning and Robert was still gone at a Young Mens campout so it was up to me to do Saturday chores with the kids.  As each of the kids was picking which jobs they wanted to do, Ashton (my 4 year old) piped up "I will do all the toilets!"  So we got all the cleaning supplies out and went into the first of our 4 bathrooms.  As I instructed him on all the steps to successfully cleaning a toilet, I observed the absolute joy and satisfaction on his face.  Never mind that he was splashing toilet water all over or missing the cleaning of other parts, because I was not going to ruin the absolute glee on his face!  As I continued encouraging him and complimenting him about how smart he was and what an amazing job he was doing, I thought maybe I could actually see his little spirit grow.  I was filled with tremendous feelings of duty, love, happiness, and empowerment as his mother because it wasn't just a toilet; it was a lesson in responsibility, the importance of work, being an integral part of our family, and gaining self esteem. And I was blessed to be the teacher.  Although it is rare for me to feel this fulfilled when doing chores with one of my children (usually the very opposite in fact), I have always felt incredibly vital and powerful in my job as a mother to love, teach, and guide my children.  How I wish every mother could know that all of the tiny, seemingly meaningless things she does each day, are actually the BIG and VITALLY important things of life.  What could be more important and divine than being responsible for teaching and guiding some of Heavenly Father's children?  Ever since then, I have been trying to see my daily life as more than just monotonous things that I must endure, but instead of shaping a soul, showing a child unconditional love, growing self confidence, and planting the seeds of independence.  I love being a Mother.

Lead Me, Guide Me, Walk Beside Me

Mental Illness and George Albert Smith

I recently ran across an article entitled “Cheat the Asylum of a Victim”: George Albert Smith’s 1909–12 Breakdown, written by Mary Jane Woodger which can be found in the Journal of Mormon History. (George Albert Smith link, go to page 113.)  Although George Albert Smith lived in the years before mental illness was recognized and widely treated, it recounts his symptoms as observed by family members and his doctors that point to him experiencing many years of anxiety and depression. This year at church, you may know that we are studying the life and works of George Albert Smith. I think that the Curriculum Committee of the church missed a tremendous opportunity with the production of the manual for study this year when they failed to mention President Smith's struggles with mental illness.  Most of us know someone (if not ourselves) who has struggled with mental illness. We know someone who has or have ourselves, taken anti-depressants, stimulants, or has gone through extensive counseling. It is no secret that in the past, church leaders and church members have often misunderstood mental illness. However, we live at a time when we can all safely view mental illness as a biological problem, like cancer, that needs to be treated. I think however, that many people who suffer with these issues still feel stigmatized, and some yet think that it is simply an emotional or spiritual failing.  How empowering, refreshing, and hopeful that information in the manual could have been, had it been included in the study of his life.  How much greater his accomplishments would be seen, at least by those who have struggled with anxiety and depression if they knew that one as great as him had struggled, yet still been an amazing prophet!

It is therefore tragic that the new manual does not mention George Albert Smith’s lifelong struggle with what appears to be some sort of chronic depression and anxiety disorder.  Instead it describes his health issues and years of convalescence as strictly physical maladies (which though technically correct, obfuscates the real mental illness component of his suffering). Here is a fairly large excerpt from the article from the Journal of Mormon History.

"ON APRIL 12, 1910, DR. HEBER J. SEARS wrote briskly to his nephew: “A letter from your mother brings the sad intelligence that you are down with nervous frustration. . . . For Heaven’s sake George— ‘Side step or step backward not forward.’ Cheat the asylum of a victim.  Dump your responsibility for a while before the hearse dumps your bones.”  His nephew was George Albert Smith, then a forty year-old apostle who was almost totally incapacitated, physically and emotionally. But he survived to become Church president at age seventy five.

In appraising George Albert’s symptoms since 1907, Dr. Ford McBride suggests that George Albert may have experienced a panic attack or a major depression.  George Albert’s “good work ethic” exposed him to additional pressures because of an apparent “personality style that lent itself to hypersensitivity,” manifest in a preoccupation with “what he ate along with a lot of pressure he seems to have felt to measure up to other’s expectations.”  Although George Albert’s “physical pains” were real, they seem excessive were the diagnosis to be either thyroid or lupus. The “extreme impairment” George Albert experienced “seems to be an overreaction” to his physical maladies and symptomatic of a panic attack or depressive episode.

George Albert wrestled with both physical and emotional health issues throughout his life, but this article focuses on conditions leading to an episode of nervous exhaustion that lasted from 1909 to 1912, then describes an experience George Albert had in the spring of 1911 that changed his approach to both physical and emotional limitations. The story of his triumph over these maladies, is documented in surpris- ing detail in his correspondence and journals, much of it quoted here for the first time, and in related papers of those close to him. His story deserves telling for the hope it conveys to individuals likewise suffering from physical illnesses that often bring in their wake emotional distress and the inability to serve in Church callings despite their desire to be healed, faith manifested in seeking priesthood blessings, and earnest prayer. Although it is possible from a modern perspective to offer appropriately tentative diagnoses of the organic cause of his ailment and also his mental depression, Smith felt that prayer was his main resource in dealing with his condition.  George Albert’s nervous collapse, as it was called, reached its pinnacle in February 1909, leaving him so impaired that he was unable to work or even to deliver a public address.  A decade later, he recalled in a conference address, “I have been in the valley of the shadow of death in recent years, so near the other side that I am sure that for the special blessing of our Heavenly Father I could not have remained here. . . . The nearer I went to the other side, the greater was my assurance that the gospel is true.”

George Albert’s difficulties were certainly not all physically based, although mental or emotional instability was seldom given much attention except for outright insanity in the early twentieth cen- tury. Those close to George Albert Smith were aware of some emotional problems. Grandchild George Albert Smith V suggests that his grandfather struggled with depression, feeling incompetent, and being overwhelmed. There were times when “he just could not pull it all together.”  Another granddaughter, Shauna Lucy Stewart Larsen, who lived in George Albert’s home for twelve years as a child, remembers that “when there was great, tremendous stress, mostly [of] an emotional kind, it took its toll and he would literally have to go to bed for several days.”  Grandson Robert Murray Stewart remembers, “There were problems associated with his mental health, just maintaining control of himself.”  Given what seems to be George Albert’s emotional fragility, physical illness may have been a socially acceptable way for him to retreat, rest, and regroup before tackling his responsibilities again with renewed determination. Well known for his sensitivity and compassion, he too-easily took on others’ burdens. At one point he confided to a stake president, “[Even] when things are normal my nerves are not very strong and when I see other people in sorrow and depressed I am easily affected.”  One of his grandchildren observed that George Albert “took everything so much to heart”; others’ problems “became such a part of him” that when associates experienced difficulties it just “wiped him out” and he would go to bed for days at a time.  Obviously his ready concern and sensitive sympathy drew those in trouble to him, which must also, at times, have been a drain on his emotional reserves. 

Complicating a physical diagnosis is the mental component.  Apparently debilitating fatigue without an obvious cause and depression can be traced back as far as Asael Smith, Joseph Sr.’s father, and coming forward to John, Joseph Sr.’s brother.  Of course, diagnosis becomes increasingly murky and uncertain, the further back in time one goes. Clinical psychologist Ford McBride corroborates the genetic component in psychological diagnosis. While “situational depression” may be triggered by a traumatic event (such as a death or divorce), the absence of such an episode suggests “clinical depression” in which “you’ll find typically some kind of a genetic history of a mother depressed or a cousin, etc.” He stressed that a family history “is very, very pertinent” in diagnosing clinical depression.  Dr. Gilmore likewise feels certain that George Albert experienced depression, although he leans toward seeing it as “secondary depression” caused by his lengthy “chronic illness” and complicated by his “frail constitution” and oversensitivity to diet."

Why did the church feel the need to leave out this very pertinent information?  Perhaps they felt it would give a negative view to President Smith's life.  Maybe they thought it "too controversial".  Whatever the reason may be, I have found great comfort knowing this added information on his life:  that he suffered from depression and anxiety as I have, and recently found out that my SECOND child has struggles with anxiety as well.  George Albert Smith was able to lead an exemplary life, full of spirituality and wonderful experiences.  And if he can, so can I, and so can my children.

Love & Logic Parenting

Because I love learning, I have always approached parenting with an attitude of learning.  Let's face it, parenting is too hard to go about it haphazardly with no goals, strategies, or plan.  Great children are not raised by mistake;  it takes a certain deliberateness on our part to achieve good results.  And in the end, it really is about THEIR decisions that determines their happiness.  Above my kitchen table, I have a scripture quote on the wall that reads, "O be wise: what can I say more?"  I love this because it is the words of a parent on his deathbed pleading with his children to be wise, knowing that he has taught them everything he possibly could, and now it is up to them to choose wisdom.  You can kind of tell the different trials of parenting I have gone through by looking at my bookshelves:  "What To Expect:  The Toddler Years", "Real Boys", "Parenting the Angry Child", "Raising Confident Girls", "Letting Go With Love and Confidence" are some of the names of books I have.  The newest one I just read is called, "Parenting with Love & Logic".  It mirrors my own value and belief system and gives lots of ideas of how to deal with different situations.  It has been a great reinforcer and refresher course for me on what I believe is proper parenting.  Here are some things I learned from reading this book.

Ineffective parenting styles:

Helicopter parents--Parents who think that love means revolving their lives around their children.  They hover and then rescue their children whenever trouble arises.  As soon as their children send up an SOS flare, these parents who are already hovering nearby, swoop in and shield their children from teachers, playmates, and other elements that seem hostile.  While today these "loving" parents may feel they are easing their children's path into adulthood, when they leave home they find themselves unequipped for the challenges of life.  Their significant learning opportunities were stolen from them in the name of love.  The helicopter parent sends the message to their children that "You are fragile and can't make it without me."  The irony is that helicopter parents are often viewed by others as "model" parents.  This is the mom that is often spoken of on Mother's Day in sacrament meeting.  She bakes like a chef, sews like a master seamstress, does her kids laundry and cleaning until they leave home and seems like she loves every minute of it.  I can't stand this woman.  Inwardly she is a ravening wolf, taking secret pleasure in making the rest of us look like mean or selfish mothers.

Turbo-attack parent--These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect world for their children .  It is a life wherein the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of credentials.  They look great on paper with all of their high grades, extracurricular activities, awards, and special honors.  Their mistakes are swept under the table by their parents and anyone who creates a threat to their child's impeccable credentials is blasted down mercilessly.  Their child is always a "victim" in the parent's eyes when they don't succeed and the child learns to blame others for their lack of success.

Drill Sergeant parents--They feel like the more they bark and the more they control, the better their kids will be in the long run.  "These kids will be disciplined", and "They will know how to act" the drill sergeant parent says.  If the children don't do what they are told, this type of parent makes them do it.  Kids of drill sergeant parents, when given the chance to think for themselves, often make horrendous decisions--to the complete consternation and disappointment of their parents.  They end up being even more susceptible to peer pressure than most teens because as children, when the costs of mistakes were low,  they were never allowed to make their own decisions but were trained to listen to a voice outside of their heads--that of their parents.  When they reach the teenage years, they follow the same pattern; only this time, the voice outside their heads is their "friends".  They are followers in the truest sense.  The drill sergeant parent sends the message "You can't think for yourself, so I'll do it for you."

The Laissez-Faire parent--These parents who for one reason or another--whether it is because they are unsure of how to handle their child or have become confused by the variety of parenting opinions and advice out there--decide to let their children raise themselves.

It's not possible to always be on our game as parents.  Sometimes parenting can just feel like a test of endurance.  I think I have used all 4 of these types of parenting styles above on different occasions.  But if you approach parenting with a plan, a way of viewing your job as their parent, then you are more likely to act rather than react in the heat of the moment.

Before I even knew the concept of a "love and logic" parenting strategy, I conducted myself using these methods.  I firmly believe in it as the core of raising successful, happy, and independent children.  I have been having several problems with a couple of children and so this book was an amazing source of suggestions of different ways to respond.  It has been a good reminder of the values that I started out with, but sometimes get weary of enforcing.  Here is the "love and logic" strategy in a nut shell:

As children grow, they move from being concrete thinkers to being abstract thinkers when they are teens.  Children need thoughtful guidance and firm, enforceable limits.  We set those limits based on the safety of the child and how the child's behavior affects others.  As much as we can, we allow natural consequences to teach them what they need to know to be successful adults, asking them questions and offering choices instead of telling them what to do.  The burden of decision is put on the children's shoulders instead of the parents.  True, it is painful to watch our kids learn through natural consequences, but that pain is part of the price we must pay to raise responsible kids.  Love and logic parents give their children many responsibilities, knowing that this is the only way for them to gain confidence and learn how to be responsible adults.

Here are some example situations:
--When my children leave home in 20 degree weather choosing not to wear a coat, I say nothing because I know that being cold is the best deterrent to refusing to wear a coat.  When they get home and say to me, "Boy was I cold at recess today!"  I respond with genuine sympathy.  Period.  If they want to be warm, they will wear a coat.

--Staying up late.  I don't say anything to my kids when they choose to stay up late, as long as they are in their rooms and not bothering Robert and I.  The consequence of being woken up for scriptures at the same time every morning regardless of what time they went to bed is enough of a lesson in staying up too late.  I don't need to make this issue into a fight.

--Dinner time.  Anyone who has tried to force a child to eat a dinner that they don't want to knows it never works.  So for our picky eater, we say that she has to eat at the table with us although she doesn't have to eat our food.  She is welcome to make herself her own dinner every night (it must be healthy).  And she does.  Every night, my 7 year old makes herself a peanut butter and honey sandwich for dinner.  In my mind, there is absolutely no reason her pickiness should result in me having to make 2 dinners every night.  With my 4 year old, we just implemented the rule that if he chooses not to eat dinner when we eat, he is choosing to go to bed hungry.  At bedtime, when he is suddenly starving, we express how sad we are for him that he is so hungry, but he can eat a big breakfast in the morning.  Yes there is crying involved, but I am hoping that the lesson will be learned quickly.

--Interactions between siblings and friends.  I have a child that is constantly stirring up drama with siblings and friends.  Sometimes these friends and siblings don't want to be around this child because of the way he/she treats them.  Instead of shielding them from these consequences, I welcome them.  I genuinely feel sad when this child is hurt from the consequences of their actions, but point out that he/she can make a different choice next time that will have better results.

--Procrastination.  My 15 year old has gotten in the habit of putting off school assignments until the last minute.  I say nothing about it when he tells me that he had to stay up until 3am doing homework, although I do feel bad that he is so tired the next day.  However, recently his procrastination started to effect us because when it was his dish night, he would say, "I have too much homework!" because he chose to procrastinate.  Robert and I kept having to do his dishes.  I realized after reading this book that the responsibility for his poor choice needed to be put back on his shoulders.  So I had a talk with him, telling him exactly that; we are not going to do your dishes because you have chosen to save all your homework until the latest possible moment.  Because it was not in the heat of the moment, he handled it well, agreeing that what he was doing wasn't fair to us.

The key is that with every wrong choice the child makes, the punishment comes from the world, not us.  They in turn, don't get mad at us, but angry with themselves for their choice.

With every encounter, the book suggests giving them 2 choices so they feel they have control, but are not overwhelmed with choices.  A winnable war is waged through choices, not demands.  Choices change the entire complexion of the control struggle.  With choices, kids have no demands to react against, and the control we need is established.  What I have learned over the years is that young children are MUCH more capable of doing things then we sometimes think.  And when we allow them to do things for themselves, not only do we take some of the strain off ourselves, but we allow them to develop self confidence.

Okay.  We all know that things rarely run this smoothly.  Take for example my 4 year old who throws vicious, and long temper tantrums.  The book advises that it is best to respond to bad behavior in a detached manner, and to respond to good behavior with emotion.  Easier said than done, for sure.  This is a scenario the book recommends for handling a temper tantrum.  When it is obvious that a child needs to go to their room, you offer them a choice, "Would you like to go to your room walking, or would you like me to carry you?"  The child doesn't respond so the parent says, "Uh-oh!  It looks like you are choosing to be carried."  And then the parent says, "Feel free to continue your tantrum up here by yourself.  Would you like to have the door open or closed?"  If the child tries to flee, then say "Uh oh!  It looks like you are choosing to have your door closed."  And then of course in my case, I usually end up having to lock him in because he still chooses to come out.  However, when he calms down and is let out, he always shows remorse and behaves better afterward.

I must include this HILARIOUS example of what the book suggests saying.  When a child becomes spoiled and entitled, one could say "I know you want me to (help with homework, drive you somewhere, etc.)  However, I'm sorry to say that taking you places (doing things for you) has put a darkening cloud over my haze of happiness lately.  That's sad but true.  So I think I'll pass on doing that for you this time."   AHAHAHA!  After I read this, I continued to say it to my kids all day, "You are putting a darkening cloud over my haze of happiness, could you please stop?"  It became quite a joke that we all laughed at all day.  Although it is funny, I like the concept that it teaches:  You can be a mother, without being a martyr.  So, so incredibly important.  The book stresses the importance of a parent modeling healthy adult behavior by taking care of themselves and even occasionally putting themselves first.  This models for the child how to take care of themselves and the importance of having a good self image.

There is so much more that I learned (or re-learned) from this book, and I highly recommend it.  I feel a little more in control of my life now and much more empowered about handling various situations.  Now I must simply continue to press on.

Small and Simple Things

I have to admit, I'm not a very big fan of the Christmas holiday in general.  In the past, it has represented rabid crowds, coming up with gift ideas for my children of toys they don't need, commercialism of a holiday that literally starts before Halloween, and trying sometimes to no avail to teach my children the "real meaning of Christmas" amidst the much more exciting noise of Santa.  I am so leery of spoiling them, that I feel obligated to come up with a plethora of ways to earn points towards varying service projects…and then invariably give them too many presents on Christmas.  So this year I determined that Christmas would be different.  Simpler.  In the cause of seizing the day, I normally buy tickets for different plays, musicals, the ballet, Tabernacle Choir concert, Savior of the World play, etc. attempting to create meaningful memories for my family.  But this year, besides the events the children were in, we attended NO Christmas events.  I also intentionally signed up for fewer obligations:  being in charge of school Christmas parties, volunteering to bring food to this or that event, etc.  And guess what?  It was by far much more spiritual, calm, and enjoyable.  I was able to take the time to enjoy the smaller, less loud things that happened instead of them being masked by much louder substitutes.  Here are some of the simple things I was able to revel in and be thankful for this Christmas:

A completely spontaneous apology on the part of
a very strong willed girl

A preschool program where Ashton refused to sing a word,
but I managed to catch him smiling.

The joy of a candy cane

Taking pictures of my beautiful sister 1 week
before giving birth

Holding my sister's baby, Harper, minutes after birth

Starting a new tradition of donut making on Christmas Eve.
It was a hit!

My brother, the designated ass in the nativity play, carrying
his daughter on his back.

Watching the kids rough housing before Christmas Eve began.
How they all love big brother Christian.

Christian attempting to thank Madison by
hugging her for her homemade present.  Her
trying not to be hugged, even though I think
she liked it a bit.

Robert's un-contained glee over his surprise present:
a snow cone maker.  LOVE that smile!

Madison's shrill scream of delight over a 1 cent poster I got on ebay.  

Christmas Eve pajama pictures that actually worked!

A game of charades.  This is my Mom acting out an
admiring cow at the birth of Jesus.  HAHAHAHA!

Ashton hugging E. in thanks for her giving him one of her
favorite stuffed animals…with a pen so he can draw on it.

Realizing my almost 13 year old still calls me "Mama"--even
in front of her friends

Look at Hunter's face!!  They get Christmas Eve pjs every year so you would think
they would be used to it, but Hunter thinks he's won the lottery in this picture!

My Dad as Santa, and Christian who is apparently
still not too big to sit on Santa's lap.

--My children being overly generous in donating their money to the Sub-for-Santa family we sponsored.

--The woman's tears of gratitude when we dropped off presents for her family of 13 children.  She hadn't known that she was being sponsored until the day before we came so she was prepared for no presents at all for her children.

--Madison's heartfelt poems to Robert and I as Christmas presents.

--Lots of dates with Robert because the kids are finally old enough to babysit themselves!

--After a long 2 week Christmas break, Robert taking all the kids swimming for family night without me so I could lay in bed and watch tv.

The simple things are the things that bring true joy.

My friend posted this quote, that in the essence of simplicity, I decided to make my goal for this year:

"This year, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again." --Howard W. Hunter.