The start gun went off, and then the crowd of thousands disappeared and it was just me, alone in an immense gathering. Me and God and the pouring rain. And I ran, and I prayed, and I pled that my legs would work, and my will wouldn't stop, and I said many thanks that as mediocre as I was as a runner, that I could run and feel the rain on my face and talk to a Father that knows me and cares. And for an instant, I knew I was perfect, and beautiful, and strong. I outstretched my hands so that I could feel it all more fully. The rain, the cold, the wind, being alive. How I loved that in that moment, I was so fully ALIVE!
This weekend I ran the Ogden Half Marathon. I have run many half marathons in recent years, but this one gave me the greatest satisfaction because I put so much hard work into training for it. I decided that I wanted to really train and be ready for this one, and not just over-exert myself on an isolated race day not really caring what the outcome was. So for about 6 months, 4-5 days a week, I have weight lifted, run, or cross trained so that I could really do my best. I overcame a knee injury and many other aches, pains, and scheduling conflicts to accomplish it, and boy did it feel good. The morning of the race, was 40 degrees and down pouring rain which continued without stopping for the duration of the race. The thing was, that although it made it harder, rain has always been a sign between me and God that He is mindful of me. I feel it has been sent at many unexpected times to comfort me. So it was very fitting for me on this day that it would rain. Finishing the race was a reminder to me of how rewarding doing hard things can be in my life, and I was able to get my best time yet for a half marathon!
Sunday, I taught my second Gospel Doctrine lesson at church, which is my new calling. This is another thing that is incredibly difficult for me. I have major social anxiety and so far it has taken me 2 full weeks of preparation to teach each lesson I have taught. I really am so obviously rough around the edges with my teaching skills and knowledge of certain things, but at the same time, I feel needed for the first time in my life at church. I feel needed because I know I have a very different perspective to offer, and I have finally embraced that and don't shy away from it. I know that people need to hear differing perspectives, because I do, and I know I'm not alone. Besides that, I've kind of tired of living in fear of certain things, and have decided to face some of these things head on, and teaching is one of them. It is hard, but it feels good to face it too.
Sometimes, it just feels good to push past your own boundaries and let them know that you are in control, not them.
