I neglect my children AND/OR I neglect my household responsibilities. (Said in a hushed whisper). AND I don't feel bad about it. But let me choose a better, more accurate wording for "neglect". I ALLOW them to fend for themselves for short, or not so short stints of time. It's always equally mind-blowing to me as it is to those who can't fathom how I have time for myself, to think that out of 24 hours in a day, many women don't feel like there is an hour or two each day to carve out for their own interests. I can't even imagine cleaning or picking up after or playing with my children ALL DAY. Of course there are days where my children's activities consume my day, but I don't think there has ever been a time in my life where I haven't pursued a hobby or interest. Last week, while having dinner with my college friend Alison, while recounting that she had a couple of trips over the summer planned for herself away from her children, I asked her if she felt guilty at all and she replied, "I only feel guilty that I don't feel guilty!" HAHA! And what a great attitude! She is such an attentive mom, but she also has a great marriage and wonderful life outside of her children making her what I believe to be, more balanced. The other question that I get frequently when people realize that my youngest will be starting kindergarten this year is, "WHAT are you going to do with all your free time?!" Are you kidding me?! I could probably write a whole page of the many delicious options for myself, as well as all the things that are tedious to do that will now be a little bit easier without my sidekick coming along.
I love the story my friend Tiffany shared with us a while back during our Mom's discussion group. As an object lesson for a relief society lesson, a woman showed up in her pajamas making the point that you make the time for things that you really value (I think the lesson was on making time for scripture study). Obviously, we all show up to church dressed so that is something that we value and therefore will not stand for neglecting. Well, it's the same for anything that is important. If you value yourself, you will find a way to make time for yourself.
This now brings me to a Facebook dialogue which I witnessed the other day. My good friend lamented about how the summer was long and she was getting tired of parenting. One person commented, "Children are a gift from God." Oh. My. Gosh. I quickly chimed in, "So is cheese, but that doesn't mean I want to eat it all day every day." Perhaps I was a little too brave in my retort, but I just can't stand other mothers looking down their noses at some when they are simply being honest about a bad day! Any mother who claims that she is able to consistently hold the outlook that her children are always "precious gifts" is L Y I N G and one should from here on out regard this person as suspect. What she really needed, besides words of encouragement, is probably an afternoon away from her children. Other mothers can be so hard on each other! I'm so thankful I don't buy into judgmental comments clothed (or unclothed) in concern or sweetness anymore.
Last week, I went to lunch on 3 separate days with my sister and 2 friends, Robert and I went to a concert with friends on Friday, and then Saturday we went out to dinner with my sister and her husband. This much going out is an anomaly for me and I admit to twinges of guilt for leaving so much, but without fail, my children did just great by themselves and there was still plenty of time left in each day for me to play with them and give them the attention they needed. So heres to Moms enjoying their lives and making time for themselves AND not feeling guilty about it!!
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| Krissy, Zack, Me and Robert (I know I look miserable, but I'm just trying to hide my braces and gap between my two front teeth) Yuck. |
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| Me and Lisa |
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| Me and Julie at the concert |
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| Journey and Pat Benatar Concert. Pure Awesomeness. |
6 comments:
You are the best mom, wife, neighbor, and friend to so many and you deserve every moment you can get carve out of your busy day for 'you time'! Thank you for being balanced. I didn't marry a 24 hr mom, I married Sandy (now Sandra) and I am so grateful you are still you!
arrggghhh! Comments like "children are a gift from God" when said in that context is so belittling to that woman and not what needed to be heard in that moment. I love your response! ha! We had a blast going out to dinner with you guys. It had been far too long! When I think about what you said it reminds me of something Tiffany has written about on quality versus quantity time with kids. I think you have plenty of both, but I do think that you don't have to be down on your hands and knees being extremely interactive ALL of the time. It reminds your kids that you are still a PERSON outside of being their MOM. You have interests and hobbies too. It also teaches them independence and to entertain themselves without clinging on to your legs 24 hours a day.
I can't stand the "how do you find the time" comment people ask. Ridiculous. It is all about choices. My heart aches for mothers that don't seem to be able to find balance in their personal pursuits and their mothering. Very well said. And I LOVE your Facebook retort! BRAVO.
What fun to have me mentioned on your blog TWICE in one week! You're the best! I forgot I said that about feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. Awesome! I'll have to write that on my blog. So fun seeing you Sandra, I only regret that I forgot to take a picture! We were having too much fun catching up.
Oh and I love the cheese comment you made. HILARIOUS! AND SO TRUE!!
Of course I neglect my kids at every moment I can, but I still can't seem to find the time to do all that you do - Natalie either for that matter. Sigh.
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