Human behavior absolutely fascinates me. I LOVE to watch conversations and read body language and everything that isn't being said. The other day, I was indulging in an episode of Dr. Phil (which literally took me 4 hours to get through because of all of the kids' interruptions) where he was doing some group therapy of about 8 women. He had never met them before that day and by simply watching how they responded to questions and reacted to each other, was able to delve into each of their personal problems. What I couldn't believe was that without fail, each women was completely unaware of how she was being perceived by others and how that negative behavior was affecting all of the relationships in her life. All of the other women could see from the persona each was projecting that the other woman had major problems, but each and every one could not see those same problems in themselves. I was absolutely spellbound by this behavior and it got me to thinking. How self-aware am I? Is there a large discrepancy between the person I feel like I am inside and what I portray to others? Do I sometimes, inadvertently turn people off by my body language and interactions with others? And I think the answer is yes.
If I were to take a close look at myself, this is what I think the impression I give of myself to others is compared to what I am really feeling inside.
*I have a very loud bark, with usually little bite. This may come across that I am overly opinionated, or negative when really I often speak strongly, and then after thinking things through, I react much more toned down.
*I think some may think I am very liberal because I enjoy exploring other views and am not threatened by them, when in reality I am a very traditional, conservative mormon mother.
*I am compelled to stick up for the underdog, sometimes before I think it all the way through. I am often turned off by people I view as having "perfect" lives and avoid them, and feel much more comfortable associating with much more flawed people. I am sure this is perceived as being stuck up to some, when really, people I view as perfect just make me feel uncomfortable because I don't know how to have a conversation with a person like that and they make me feel insecure about myself.
*I love being a mother, but because I have no problem voicing the often less-than-pleasant realities of it, some who don't know me well probably think I don't like being a mother, or that I'm on the edge of losing it. (which sometimes I am)
*I love to be by myself, or just with my family. I am an introvert. I say "no" to a lot of social things because they are very draining to me and I think people may think I don't like them.
*I think I come across like I have it all together, which occasionally I do, but every day is hard and takes everything I have in me to do all I need to do for my family. I am often overwhelmed.
So what about you? Are you aware of how you come across to others, and the ways in which you may be attracting or repelling people by your behavior? This has been a good exercise for me because it is definitely something I need to be more conscious of and work at correcting. I was at a friend's house and read a quote on her fridge (thanks, Tiffany) which said something like, "Act in such a way that if someone were to say something bad about you, no one would believe it." That is my new goal.
5 comments:
I love this. I think I am self aware, but don't want to admit what I'm aware of.
That was a fabulous post. Since I have 'reconnected' with you the last few months, you have become a woman and mother that I look up to a lot. You have an honesty and depth that is rare to find. I particularly love your last few starred paragraphs. I have much to learn from you. Thanks!
PS-Friday morning I was thinking some not so kind thoughts about somebody, and I thought specifically about that quote on my fridge and realized I NEED to LIVE it, not just read it...
HI ~ I came over from Kristen's blog.
It's funny, but as I think about what I'm aware of I am just like you. Okay, it's really scary, but kind of cool knowing that I'm not the only one that feels that way.
This was an interesting post ~ thanks for posting it.
Sandy, AHHHHH - both you and Kristen have added to my already spinning mind, but in a good way! I loved reading what you said about yourself. I know for a fact that many people, including those within our own family and even my not-so-extended family, that I am perceived much differently than I actually am. For a lot of years, I didn't care and thought - to hell with them, let them think what they want. I am who I am and I a secure with that. Like you, I have Jon as a sounding board and I can say so much to him that would be imposible to say to anyone else.
As I'm getting older, my attention to how I'm perceived is becoming more important to me. Why? Because I am realizing that peoples' perception of me directly affects my kids - the way they're treated. THAT is where I draw the line. There are a lot of things I would like to do but will not, because I know that my kids would suffer because of it.
I'm going to give this some additional thought and write a post about it for myself. Thank you!
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