Modesty--What's Your Policy?

Modesty.  I am very modest, and generally appreciate modesty in others although I accept the fact that everyone has different standards of modesty that may or may not mirror my own.  Although I do not wear short skirts, or low cut shirts, I see no problem with wearing fitted clothing whether it has an ill effect on men or not.  My view is that there are many men that are just simply "pervs" and would still find a way to be turned on by a woman even if she was adorned in a potato sack.  I don't feel it is my responsibility to "bundle up" because of mens' weaknesses.  Another thing that really bothers me about the topic of modesty, is the way in which it is usually addressed in our church.  Here is a portion of a blog I was reading recently that made me reflect on my own qualms with modesty.

While attending a 5th Sunday meeting, this blogger refers to a message being given by her stake president, "When he spoke about modesty, he said, “We need to do better. In every ward I visit, there is always some corner of the congregation where the brethren on the stand cannot look.  And, this is not the young women – these are the adult women!”

She continues, "I was bothered by the whole talk, but I was extremely troubled with this statement. It made it clear to me, in a way I hadn’t fully understood before, that modesty is less about morality than it is about women being asked to dress for the comfort of men. I don’t imagine the brethren on the stand give a second thought to whether the cut of their suits or the way their trousers hang will arouse any of the sisters. I am asked to dress up to go church and simultaneously expected to be hyper vigilant about whether my choice of clothing might make a man that is not my husband uncomfortable and always aware that my body is a public commodity. Given that we put women in the church up on a pedestal and expect them to be receptive and sensitive to the male gaze and then ask them to be simultaneously in the world, but not of the world, all while seeking perfection – is it really so surprising that Utah is the plastic surgery capital of the United States?"

It has always concerned me that when the subject of modesty is addressed, that the blame is almost always placed on girls and women, as if men are simply slaves to their basic instincts, similar to animals.  If this is the standard we are setting, this is the standard they will strive for.  I want to scream, "WHY DO YOU THINK WOMEN WANT TO DRESS IMMODESTLY?!  BECAUSE MEN LIKE IT!" THEY are the ones sending the message that immodest dress is appealing.  It makes me think that there are some leaders that have just thrown in the towel and accepted the fact that men have no self-control, and therefore women must be extra careful so as to not tempt a man's small, inferior, perverted pea brain.  What kind of message does it send to the young men of our church if they see that the young women are cautioned to not tempt them with their dress, but nothing is ever said to the young men about controlling their thoughts?  It sends the message that the girls hold the responsibility for whatever happens between a boy and girl if she is dressed immodestly.  

I indeed DO think there is a problem with immodesty in society, but think that both genders hold responsibility and should therefore BOTH be expected to exhibit self-control.  This is what I intend to teach my sons and daughters.