Thursday, September 30, 2010

Modesty--What's Your Policy?

Modesty.  I am very modest, and generally appreciate modesty in others although I accept the fact that everyone has different standards of modesty that may or may not mirror my own.  Although I do not wear short skirts, or low cut shirts, I see no problem with wearing fitted clothing whether it has an ill effect on men or not.  My view is that there are many men that are just simply "pervs" and would still find a way to be turned on by a woman even if she was adorned in a potato sack.  I don't feel it is my responsibility to "bundle up" because of mens' weaknesses.  Another thing that really bothers me about the topic of modesty, is the way in which it is usually addressed in our church.  Here is a portion of a blog I was reading recently that made me reflect on my own qualms with modesty.
While attending a 5th Sunday meeting, this blogger refers to a message being given by her stake president, "When he spoke about modesty, he said, “We need to do better. In every ward I visit, there is always some corner of the congregation where the brethren on the stand cannot look.  And, this is not the young women – these are the adult women!”
She continues, "I was bothered by the whole talk, but I was extremely troubled with this statement. It made it clear to me, in a way I hadn’t fully understood before, that modesty is less about morality than it is about women being asked to dress for the comfort of men. I don’t imagine the brethren on the stand give a second thought to whether the cut of their suits or the way their trousers hang will arouse any of the sisters. I am asked to dress up to go church and simultaneously expected to be hyper vigilant about whether my choice of clothing might make a man that is not my husband uncomfortable and always aware that my body is a public commodity. Given that we put women in the church up on a pedestal and expect them to be receptive and sensitive to the male gaze and then ask them to be simultaneously in the world, but not of the world, all while seeking perfection – is it really so surprising that Utah is the plastic surgery capital of the United States?"
It has always concerned me that when the subject of modesty is addressed, that the blame is almost always placed on girls and women, as if men are simply slaves to their basic instincts, similar to animals.  If this is the standard we are setting, this is the standard they will strive for.  I want to scream, "WHY DO YOU THINK WOMEN WANT TO DRESS IMMODESTLY?!  BECAUSE MEN LIKE IT!" THEY are the ones sending the message that immodest dress is appealing.  It makes me think that there are some leaders that have just thrown in the towel and accepted the fact that men have no self-control, and therefore women must be extra careful so as to not tempt a man's small, inferior, perverted pea brain.  What kind of message does it send to the young men of our church if they see that the young women are cautioned to not tempt them with their dress, but nothing is ever said to the young men about controlling their thoughts?  It sends the message that the girls hold the responsibility for whatever happens between a boy and girl if she is dressed immodestly.  
I indeed DO think there is a problem with immodesty in society, but think that both genders hold responsibility and should therefore BOTH be expected to exhibit self-control.  This is what I intend to teach my sons and daughters.

8 comments:

Krissy Noel said...

What an awesome post. Just when I thought they couldn't get any better they ALWAYS do!! Whatever blog that excerpt came from, it almost sounds as if I'm talking ahah Your thoughts are always so dead on with the way that I feel. I love your potato sack comment and pea brain comment. I agree, I'm freaking sick and TIRED of trying to control a man's gaze to remain eye level. Not like there's large curves to look at elsewhere, but you get my point. It's their problem if they are looking elsewhere. I also agree that it's the older women and not the young women who have the problem with modesty. I think this argument has to do with some unequal responsibilities placed on women in the church vs men. As I've explained to you before, I think men are immodest when they sit very anxiously at the edge of their metal chair at church with their legs spread eagle to the world, and their slacks bunching and pinching in places I don't care to see bunched or pinched, or at all for that matter. Even worse, when your home teachers come over and they are sitting on the edge of the couch spread eagle "hanging off" the couch so to speak. For some reason it's usually the fat ones that are particularly gaping open for the world to see. Maybe they need to have a sit down talk with the higher ups about the MODEST way to sit????????? Did I just write all of that?

Tiffany said...

I wasn't going to comment-but have to LAUGH at Kristen's comment because it is disgustingly SO TRUE! As for the post, I do think the brethren have told the boys repeatedly to control their thoughts in regards to modesty, but I could be wrong.

Kathryn said...

Yes, I believe we're taught SELF control, not to control someone else.

BA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Kristen!!!!!!!!! hA HA HA

Julie said...

I do believe that your last paragraph sums up how I feel. Both males and females should be modest and respect their bodies and other's bodies and not blame the other gender for their stray thoughts. Kristen, you are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Men need to keep their legs together as much (or more so) than the women.

Amy Evensen said...

What a great post! I totally agree!

Kristen, LOL!!! SO true!

-Randall.Ashley- said...

Sandy, I linked over to your blog from Kristen's and I love it! You two have some of the best blogs out there. I love your posts! I'll be visiting more often! And Kristen, your comment is perfect. . seriously.

Crystal Pistol said...

I took Kristen's suggestion and hopped on over too.

Awesome post! AMEN!!!!!

Juliann said...

Sandy, I can't tell you how infuriated I have been for YEARS over this subject. It is one of the many that needs to be revamped in how it's handled and addressed - so that it applies to ALL, not just the girls/women. I couldn't agree more that ALL should respect their bodies and that both MALES and FEMALES should be modest; that it's not a FEMALE'S responsibility to keep the MALES in line or to stop them from "thinking unclean thoughts". It's just crap. I know plenty of "immodest" men that contribute to some women having "unclean thoughts" but is that ever adressed?? No. It's not.