AN OPEN LETTER TO ANYONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED MY SON’S MELTDOWNS/INABILITY TO FOCUS AND STRONG PERSONALITY
Dear [Teacher/Family Member/Friend/Stranger/Jackass],
I’m sorry my six-year-old son disrupted your…
a) class
b) trip to the grocery store
c) soccer game
d) spiritual experience at church
As you may/may not know, my son may or may not have ADD, some social difficulties, or maybe just A STRONG PERSONALITY. One, or all of these things may affect:
a) how he communicates
b) his ability to pay attention
c) his frustration tolerance
d) his need for personal space
e) his ability to learn from his mistakes
f) all of the above
I’m sure you noticed one or more of these when he couldn't sit still or focus during:
a) school
b) church
c) any and every conversation
d) soccer practice
e) all of the above
I can tell from your comments and/or the way you look at me that you think I’m…
a) too strict
b) too smothering
c) too permissive
d) not spanking enough
I am sorry (or maybe not) that he is not like your child who is:
a) completely lacking in personality
b) boring
c) perfect
d) "normal" (blahhhhh)
e) utterly passive
In the heat of the moment, when you were telling me of your concerns, it was hard to hear your…
a) self-serving psycho babble
b) succinct analysis of my flaws
c) concerns about the future of my child
d) Un-insightful recommendations for dealing with my son, as if I haven't had 4 other children before him
What you fail to realize is that:
a) Every single one of my children has been deemed "not normal" at one time or another and is juuuuust fiiiine thank you very much
b) You think you are an expert on my child, but you are not
c) What you see as "a problem", I see as a potential strength
d) He's probably smarter than you. Already.
e) all of the above
When he told the substitute that, "You're not the boss of me," I was:
a) Maybe a little bit impressed
b) Slightly amused
b) Wondering if questioning authority is sometimes ok and I shouldn't get him in trouble
c) Wondering if it was slightly mean of you to dock him all of his "stars" for the day for saying this
d) all of the above
I’m sorry he turned down your offer of…
a) a hug
b) speaking in front of the class.
c) sitting in a large group on the floor
d) all of the above
He has strong preferences and a very large personal space that needs to be understood and heeded. At only 6 years old, he has a hard time communicating his needs and occasionally strikes out when he doesn't have the words to express himself.
It's hard for me to believe that in your experience:
a) all 6 year olds pay attention for long periods of time
b) all 6 year olds follow directions perfectly
c) all 6 year olds get along with their peers in perfect harmony
d) all 6 year olds are compliant to everything they are told
This has NEVER been my experience with any of my 5 children. hmmmm One of us must be way off in our observations.
Unlike your analysis of my child, I find him:
a) brilliant
b) interesting
c) unique
d) strong
e) possessing great depth
f) all of the above
And I believe in him. He will be truly great. You just watch.
So forgive me if I seem…
a) bitter at your lack of compassion
b) upset at your blanket statements of what "all" and "every other" child his age does that he doesn't
c) exhausted
d) doubtful of your noble intentions
It’s only because I am indeed, ALL OF THE ABOVE
a) Yours truly,
b) Love,
c) So screw you and your ill-informed advice,
(Answer C is correct)
S. Flynn
a) school
b) church
c) any and every conversation
d) soccer practice
e) all of the above
I can tell from your comments and/or the way you look at me that you think I’m…
a) too strict
b) too smothering
c) too permissive
d) not spanking enough
I am sorry (or maybe not) that he is not like your child who is:
a) completely lacking in personality
b) boring
c) perfect
d) "normal" (blahhhhh)
e) utterly passive
In the heat of the moment, when you were telling me of your concerns, it was hard to hear your…
a) self-serving psycho babble
b) succinct analysis of my flaws
c) concerns about the future of my child
d) Un-insightful recommendations for dealing with my son, as if I haven't had 4 other children before him
What you fail to realize is that:
a) Every single one of my children has been deemed "not normal" at one time or another and is juuuuust fiiiine thank you very much
b) You think you are an expert on my child, but you are not
c) What you see as "a problem", I see as a potential strength
d) He's probably smarter than you. Already.
e) all of the above
When he told the substitute that, "You're not the boss of me," I was:
a) Maybe a little bit impressed
b) Slightly amused
b) Wondering if questioning authority is sometimes ok and I shouldn't get him in trouble
c) Wondering if it was slightly mean of you to dock him all of his "stars" for the day for saying this
d) all of the above
I’m sorry he turned down your offer of…
a) a hug
b) speaking in front of the class.
c) sitting in a large group on the floor
d) all of the above
He has strong preferences and a very large personal space that needs to be understood and heeded. At only 6 years old, he has a hard time communicating his needs and occasionally strikes out when he doesn't have the words to express himself.
It's hard for me to believe that in your experience:
a) all 6 year olds pay attention for long periods of time
b) all 6 year olds follow directions perfectly
c) all 6 year olds get along with their peers in perfect harmony
d) all 6 year olds are compliant to everything they are told
This has NEVER been my experience with any of my 5 children. hmmmm One of us must be way off in our observations.
Unlike your analysis of my child, I find him:
a) brilliant
b) interesting
c) unique
d) strong
e) possessing great depth
f) all of the above
And I believe in him. He will be truly great. You just watch.
So forgive me if I seem…
a) bitter at your lack of compassion
b) upset at your blanket statements of what "all" and "every other" child his age does that he doesn't
c) exhausted
d) doubtful of your noble intentions
It’s only because I am indeed, ALL OF THE ABOVE
a) Yours truly,
b) Love,
c) So screw you and your ill-informed advice,
(Answer C is correct)
S. Flynn
7 comments:
I DO know how you feel. You're a strong, faithful mother and you know Ashton better than anyone. He'll turn out just great like the others. I have confidence in you and Robert that you'll receive the answers needed to help him reach his full potential- which is greatness.
It takes such courage and strength to write a post like that. So many suffer in silence. I so admire you as an individual and as a mother!
Sandy, all of your children are brilliant including Ash and I'm not just saying that. He really seems like when he is interested in something that he truly becomes an expert in it as can clearly be seen with his ability to put things together/build things. Since I am still new to this mother thing, it literally made my heart ache to know you've felt this way and people have said such insensitive things to you. I would not be able to handle it as thoughtfully as you have. If I can be even half the mother you are, I will be happy!
Did you author that or find it somewhere? You should post it online it will probably go viral....sometimes I hate I mean I feel sorry for ignorant people getting in your business and telling other people what is up with your kids. You know how I feel about this right now and I see you understand the anger.
Brilliant!
The placid obedient neither make or change history. All five of our children undoubtedly will change the world!
Bravo! You have stated my opinions exactly. You have so much insight and so much patience to allow your children to be strengthened as they go through the struggles of developing their best selves. We are proud of you and how you are able to shrug off the opinions of others and do what is right for your kids and yourself. love you lots
When I grow up I want to be just like Sandra.
And then there is my child this morning that purposefully sprayed Windex into the eyes of a sibling. But that same child is considered an angel in any public place. (School, church, etc.)
Ugh. Life.
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