Faith, As I See It

If you had the opportunity to grow up in the LDS church, you are familiar with being taught as a child what a testimony is and how to bare your testimony in the appropriate way.  It usually goes something like this:  I'd like to bare my testimony.  I know this church is true.  I know Joseph Smith was a Prophet.  I love my family.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.  It can be endearing and sweet to hear a child say these words in testimony meeting (or occasionally not, if they are yelling it into a microphone).  I did it as a child, and my own children have born a similar testimony.  I never thought much about what this meant for me, or my children until a couple of years ago when they were participating in the yearly primary program and were each given a part they were required to memorize for sacrament meeting.  I don't remember specifically what parts each of our children had been given to read, but I was surprised when Robert requested that they write their own parts of what they truly could say for themselves that they believed, versus regurgitating what someone else told them that they believed.  The things that the kids came up with were more representative of their own growing testimonies, although the things they said were far less profound than their original parts.  All of these acts of teaching through the years by well intentioned teachers, primary leaders, parents, as well as ourselves should have no offense taken because we are all trying to our very best to teach our children what we view as some of the most important things.  By telling our children what they believe at a young age, there is an underlying hope that someday they truly will learn for themselves what we believe the truth to be.  Perhaps it is just an exercise in semantics, but I do think it is worth exploring the way in which we commonly teach what faith is, according to the way we express it and teach our children to express it and what the ramifications of that are for some.  Sometimes, our words become so overly used from saying them out of habit, we lose the feeling of what the words really mean.  If you are told your whole life what you know and in turn express it as such, and then at some point in your life feel like you might not KNOW everything you have been professing your whole life, you may begin to feel very alone because it may seem everyone else just KNOWS because this is what you have heard every month in testimony meeting your whole life.  I concur that it doesn't make much sense either to talk regularly about the things we aren't sure of, but perhaps we should word things more like this:  "I have faith that Joseph Smith was a prophet."  Or, "I have a testimony that we can be together forever,"  instead of I know, I know, I know.  In reality, we all exercise faith in our beliefs and as far as I can tell not many people have a sure knowledge of all gospel concepts.  Therefore, feeling like we are all, as members of the LDS church, exercising hope and faith is a much less daunting concept and feels much more inclusive to others than attempting and/or professing a supposed sure knowledge.

The Apostle Paul taught that “faith is the substance [assurance] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Alma made a similar statement: “If ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true” (Alma 32:21).  "The call to faith is a summons to engage the heart, to attune it to resonate in sympathy with principles and values and ideals that we devoutly hope are true, and to have reasonable but not certain grounds for believing them to be true."  (Terryl Givens)

In the past couple of years, my own definition and understanding of faith has evolved.  This is what it is  and isn't to me:

*Faith is very private and individual.  We cannot assume that everyone goes about acquiring faith in the same way as we do.  I truly believe that "God is no respector of persons".  Therefore, I don't believe He values or loves his LDS children over the rest of His children, or His children that have stronger testimonies of the gospel over those who have a more tenuous grasp.  In actuality, Jesus spent His whole life forgiving those who were the "lesser" of society, often condemning the hypocrisy of those who claimed to follow Him or claimed to be religious.  He works through the good in all religions and in all people so that everyone has the opportunity to learn of Him and feel His love.  When other people have spiritual experiences that at first may seem implausible to me, I remind myself that God speaks to everyone in their own individual way, and I hope others can have that same respect for me.  Patience in other people's path back to Him and their way of learning and gaining faith is pivotal to being a true follower of Christ.

*Even with a testimony, everyone has the right to question and in fact should.   President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “We are a question-asking people. We have always been, because we know that inquiry leads to truth. That is how the Church got its start, from a young man who had questions. In fact, I’m not sure how one can discover truth without asking questions. In the scriptures you will rarely discover a revelation that didn’t come in response to a question…. Inquiry is the birthplace of testimony. Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions regarding the gospel, but they needn’t feel that way. Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a precursor of growth.”  This has been a commonly misunderstood concept in my own life.  When I have had questions, I have viewed myself as weak, and I have also felt some amount of judgment coming from others when I have voiced a concern about a particular topic.  I don't, and never have, viewed people that appear not to have had struggles with their testimonies as stronger or wiser.  In fact, it is usually the opposite.  I find people that choose to persevere in spite of doubts, much more formidable and people which I admire to an increased degree.  They are people formed in the refiner's fire.

*Personal revelation is the most important witness, because it is the only way we can correctly evaluate the truthfulness of prophets and the scriptures. Blind obedience even to the authority of scripture or prophets can ultimately lead to authoritarianism.  Without personal revelation, we risk becoming mere puppets on a string, tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine ( Ephesians 4:11-16 )  from within and without the Church.  Occasionally I think it is alright to have faith in the testimonies of others for a time when we don't have our own testimonies, but ultimately I think, at least for me, that is not as desirable a circumstance and I will ultimately always seek my own personal revelation and value it over the testimony of others.

*Faith is a choice, and in that deliberate choice, day after day and year after year, there is strength and tremendous virtue.  Even if I am struggling with understanding certain gospel topics, my faith can grow if I continue to have hope that things are true and continue to persevere in my obedience to the commandments in the face of unanswered questions.  Realizing that faith is a choice can be extremely empowering.

*When we choose to look down upon or judge those who do not have the same faith or level of faith as us, I believe we are contributing to their downfall, as well as our own.  We are meant to encourage and build others up as Jesus would and if we indeed had the faith that we profess to have, we would never look down on someone who was in the midst of struggling with their testimony.  In the precise moment we think we are better then our fellow man because of what we "know", we have shown that indeed we do NOT know; people that follow Christ would never behave like that toward their fellow humans.

*Believing that prophets and apostles have been flawed throughout time is not mutually exclusive with having faith in the gospel.  Noah, Abraham, Moses, the Apostle Peter, and yes even Joseph Smith were imperfect men who sinned.  To deny their fallibility is to not accept all of who they were, and therefore to fail to see what good their fallibility means for us;  we too can err, but still have the capability for greatness, and also that God can work through ALL of us, no matter how imperfect.  This concept, while difficult to transition to after a lifelong belief that all prophets were perfect, has aided me tremendously in redefining and affirming my testimony.  Indeed, faith is harder, and therefore must be more proficient in the face of continuing to believe things that aren't white washed and as simple as we would perhaps want them to be.  We aren't weaker or being negative simply by acknowledging the truth of our history or that there are things in our history that trouble us.  What I wish, however, is that I could have discovered this much younger because the transition to this type of thinking was quite tumultuous for me.  I plan to inoculate my children against this inaccurate notion of the perfection of church history and prophets by teaching them that we embrace our prophets and apostles and follow them, while still seeing them as men--great men, but nonetheless, just men.  I plan on being honest with my children about the things in our LDS history which trouble me while I still choose to persevere in faith, therefore allowing them to see how faith in action works.

*Policy is not doctrine.  For example, just because the Sunday School presidency has never had women in those positions, doesn't mean that God himself wants it that way--we've just never done it that way for whatever reason.  I am allowed to question the status quo if it doesn't work for me or if it goes against certain values that I have.  This does not mean I don't have a testimony or am spiritually lacking.  In fact, this is how much revelation comes to fruition;  certain policies don't meet the needs of the body of the Church, and as a result policy is changed.  This is how the Word of Wisdom began, and in my opinion, how the blacks ended up receiving the priesthood.  Both were revelations, but both were in response to a problem that emerged.  Our church needs people who question the status quo, just like it needs people who don't.  Both serve a purpose and can add strength to the church if people allow them to.  The church has evolved tremendously through time, and must continue to in order to meet the needs of its people.  If the status quo were not to be questioned, the result would always be that the power balance would favor certain groups of people over others.  Those who question the norm help give a voice to those who often aren't heard.

*Faith is found in the middle ground between the compulsion to affirm and the compulsion to deny.  I don't believe true faith can be possessed until we can balance the evidence both for and against the voracity of the gospel.  Without this, it is only blind faith.  In turn, our decision to affirm or deny faith is a direct reflection of who we are.  Terryl Givens, a notable LDS and religious scholar observed, "I am convinced that there must be grounds for doubt as well as belief in order to render the choice more truly a choice—and, therefore, the more deliberate and laden with personal vulnerability and investment. The option to believe must appear on our personal horizon like the fruit of paradise, perched precariously between sets of demands held in dynamic tension. One is, it would seem, always provided with sufficient materials out of which to fashion a life of credible conviction or dismissive denial. We are acted upon, in other words, by appeals to our personal values, our yearnings, our fears, our appetites, and our egos. What we choose to embrace, to be responsive to, is the purest reflection of who we are and what we love. That is why faith, the choice to believe, is, in the final analysis, an action that is positively laden with moral significance."  I can now say that I have seen both the evidences for credible conviction as well as for dismissive denial, and I choose to affirm faith.

My faith has had it's moments of both ebb and flow, and in fact, it is in motion daily.  There are certain parts of my faith that are stronger than others, but the main thing that has helped me is realizing that my faith is always my choice.  Sometimes I allow certain elements of my testimony to be suspended in time as I learn, ponder, and pray, still pressing forward and then eventually come back to them and reevaluate them given my knew understanding.  I am also trying to no longer feel inadequate for doubts and questions, but to view them as an opportunity to change, learn, and grow into something better.  I honor people on their own paths, doing their best to interpret and apply the way God speaks to them, and hopefully I can be a soft place for them to fall if they need me, just as I have occasionally needed others for a soft place to fall in my moments of hardship.  I want my children to understand that I don't have a knowledge of anything, but yet a hope and a faith. Like many followers throughout history, I have found reason to doubt, and have also found reason to believe. And for today, and hopefully everyday, I choose to believe.