Last week I took Madison (my 13 year old) with me to Elisabeth's horseback riding lessons. As I sat there casually talking to her teacher Kyle about Elisabeth's progress, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Madison's green eyes grow bigger and bigger as she took Kyle's appearance in slowly from head to toe. From the sparkly pink fingernails to his bedazzled zebra striped glasses, his immaculate faux hawk hair and fluorescent teal shirt, I could almost see the exclamation marks going off in her head. Afterwards, I was curious at how she would verbalize what she saw so I cautiously asked her what she thought of Elisabeth's teacher. This is how the conversation went, much to my dismay.
Me: "I just love Elisabeth's horseback riding teacher! He's so patient and kind to Elisabeth and he has become a good friend of mine."
Madison: Whispering for no apparent reason and obviously horrified, "I think he might be . . . GAAAAYYY!"
Me: "Maybe he is, and maybe he isn't. We don't know if he is, and it really doesn't even matter because Elisabeth loves him and he's an excellent teacher. But I am curious about what you think about gay people."
Madison: "They're really REALLY BAD!" (still whispering emphatically even though it's just the two of us in the car)
Me: Very sad, realizing in that moment that I had failed in teaching my daughter compassion and understanding for people that arguably have been burdened with one of the heavier plights a person could be born with, and most of all, before other sources had gotten to her. I proceeded to re-teach her in the way that I feel is more Christ-like.
I usually pride myself in being progressive and assertive in teaching my children, but I have to admit that I really missed the boat on this one. With the rash of recent teenage, gay mormon suicides in Utah, (http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/54018293-78/bullying-gay-jack-edmonds.html.csp) I have realized that we can't just sit in the background thinking that our child could never be part of the problem in the bullying, or standing by quietly allowing the bullying to take place, that can lead to suicide. While I don't think that Madison would ever bully someone who was different in any way, her reaction scared me a bit because it made me think that maybe she could be one of the ones standing by and saying nothing because she views them as so evil, and thus maybe not worthy of defending. And if she isn't actively STOPPING things like this if/when she sees them happen, she is part of the problem as well, as are all of our children. Indeed, not doing anything is an act of condoning something. Yes the subject of being gay is taboo and can be uncomfortable to broach with our children, especially in the Mormon religion, but that should not stop us from teaching our children to stand up for any child who is the subject of ridicule, and that children who may appear to be gay (although this is our judgment of them and we probably don't know for sure) are definitely NOT evil but some of the kindest people we have in this world. AND they are Heavenly Father's child and deserve respect and dignity, equal to anybody else.
If you haven't seen this short clip on you tube that shows LDS parents of gay/lesbian children, I highly recommend it. http://youtu.be/I948dOw41I8
5 comments:
Interesting! When Megan was 2 to 6, we met almost monthly with some really good friends who were gay. We had several discussions with her about it based on her questions about their wives, etc. Even now as a teenager she has a very open-minded attitude towards gay people which I am proud of. BUT, I think of my other children who did not have that same experience and realize I need to be sure to be talking to them more regularly about it too.
You are a wonderful mother!
Every person on earth is a child of our Heavenly parents. Each is loved by them and likewise should be loved by us. Each was sent down to earth to experience life and find joy in their journey. We all carry crosses in this life, some are more socially acceptable and understood than others.
I think there is nothing more saddening to our celestial family than when some of us choose to judge, criticize and persecute others because they are different than us (especially under the cloak of righteousness!).
Regardless of your beliefs about homosexuality, we are all equal in God's eyes and he expects us to love, understand and defend his little ones (minority, outcasts, defenseless) -- That does not mean we nesissarily need to defend or condone their sexual orientation, but we should be very sure to defend their rights and freedoms of humanity. They deserve the right to enjoy life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness just as we enjoy. They deserve their dignity and ability to determine their own identity and path. We have been taught to love one another as God has loved us--even to the laying down of his life. How much of our lives are we willing to lay down for the life of a homosexual? We have also been instructed that the second great commandment is to treat others as we would want to be treated. What if this were our cross to bear, or that of our brother, sister, son or daughter? Would we be as callous, dis-connected and quick to judge? Would we not want understanding, acceptance and love from others?
I believe that God will not hold any blameless who either instigate hatred on others or sit quietly by while some of God's children suffer when it is in their power to do prevent it.
Ignorance, intolerance, and self-righteousness are the devil's tools to further promigate this hatred.
What an interesting and difficult conversation to have. Gosh, I've got a lot to learn before Harper gets old enough to have that conversation, but I think it is one of those important conversations you MUST have with your child. You're right, I think if someone doesn't defend someone who is being bullied for their sexual orientation and just sits back and watches it happen can be just as much at fault.
oops I accidentally posted my comment twice :)
Post a Comment