*Prediction: Elder Scott will finally succeed in hypnosis as he stares intently into the camera while he talks very, very deliberately about repentance. I will start to feel very, very sleepy… and enter an altered state of consciousness. The trigger to come out of it will be when the organ plays the intro for “We ever pray for thee”.
*Last Conference we got a talk on the risks of sleepovers, and I expect along those lines we will have a Seventy give council against playing Angry Birds.
*1 female speaker. 1 pastel suit (pearls optional). 1 high-pitched, breathy, ‘primary voice.’
*Nonsense! There will be TWO female speakers. And both will use ‘primary voice’. And congregation will fall asleep.
*The Mormon Tabernacle Choir Women will wear maroon or baby blue dresses – most about a size 22.
*Someone will tell a story about a granddaughter named Ruby.
*The two African-American members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will be strategically placed about 6 people apart on neighboring rows and then shown at least 3-4 times during every song to dispel the belief that they are more than just a bunch of white people.
*Elder Packer will definitely NOT be assigned to give a talk about homosexuality!
*I know I’m going WAY out on a limb with this one, but I predict that President Monson will mention the presence of local officials, dignitaries, and the media. He also will welcome and acknowledge those enjoying conferences in stake centers around the world, and also via television, radio, satellite, smoke signal, and the Internet.
*My wife and I always have a contest to see if either of us can guess (1) what the first product commercial will be after the Saturday morning session and (2) what the title of the newest Richard Paul Evans novel will be.
As for my predictions, I hereby proclaim that a commercial for a personal “Cristus” statue will be the first commercial and that the new Richard Paul Evans novel (miraculously and thoughtfully created during the last six months) will be titled …(drumroll)…The Cedar Chest. Mark my words!
*Julie Beck will come to conference in a pantsuit, and will be ushered out as inconspicuously as possible.
*I’ll put dollars to doughnuts that the topic of sexting is brought up to either the men or in a general session, but that no one actually utters the word “sexting” in their discussion of “sexting.”
*At least one talk will contain something that is truly offensive to a large number of people, and at least one talk will get taken totally out of context and blasted on multiple sites for no good reason.
*There will be a talk about the joys of cleaning the church, peppered with cheerful quotes and lessons learned, and pictures of photogenic actors holding mops.
*A youth choir from South Ogden will not be flattered by high definition cameras.
*President Monson will tell at least one story about widows in the ward where he was bishop, and will make at least one off-the-cuff remark that he says his wife Frances will let him hear about later.
*Elder Packer will make at least one statement in an otherwise unremarkable talk that will have the anti's all up in arms.
*New temples will be announced in Istanbul Turkey, Cairo Egypt, Baghdad Iraq and Benghazi Libya. Pres Monson will explain, “The time has now come to begin spreading the gospel in the Arab world. We believe that if we start by building temples, they will come. We originally were going to build a temple in Tripoli, but we’re supporting the rebels.”
No time line was set for expected temple dedications, due to hostile actions taken against the Church temple building committee by Moammar Ghaddafi.
No time line was set for expected temple dedications, due to hostile actions taken against the Church temple building committee by Moammar Ghaddafi.
Joking aside, I absolutely LOVE conference and will be sure to record it so that I can watch my favorite talks over and over. Have a wonderful Conference weekend!
3 comments:
My husband and I were cracking up reading this! And then me and Kristen did the same thing talking about it on the way home in the car today. How true! Great post!
Very, very true!!! I loved Conference weekend, too! I can't wait to see pictures from your most recent trip!
Speaking of sleepovers. I gave a Relief Society lesson that addresses that issue and it was pointed out again that society isn't like it used to be and we needed to be careful about who, where, and when you let kids attend sleepovers. Even as a grandma I have been taught that some DVD's that children bring to view at a sleepover are not appropriate so I must be wise too and provide only the best and safest environment for my grandchildren to sleepover.
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