My mind is muddled. So many thoughts, so many voices.
I feel the pull between two equally compelling things;
succumbing to age, or fighting it tooth and nail?
a liberal left and and an equally liberal right. I'm always wondering, where is reason?
it's all so confusing--every voice is loud and seems to KNOW. But I can't hear my own
voice...
I want to hang on to the past and the present. My children are innocent lambs but I wonder
how long this can last? As much as I would love to dwell in this bubble, I am forced to
wage a war for them and with them on this evil world. It makes me so angry! It makes me feel overwhelmed at the prospect of arming them for the battle that is ahead.
pulled between obligations to others and responsibilities to my family. And then where
do I fit in between these? Is there even room?
I want to enjoy life and find joy in it, but there is always that distant, yet familiar voice in my head: Beware! And Prepare! My mind is never at rest. Always restless, always anxiety.
I feel constantly drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But yet everyday, one foot must be placed in front of the other. Most of every accomplishment in the day is done by sheer will power and strength beyond my own. The hardship of enduring to the end should be addressed more.
Political divisiveness wears on me. Glenn Beck, Jon Stewart, George W. Bush, Barrack Obama, Republicans, Democrats. All confused, confusing, and disappointing. I feel like if I don't hate one side or the other, I am evil. Why does everyone seem like they know where the truth lies when everyone we get our news from is motivated by self-interest, greed, money, and fame? They are all extremists to me. I don't trust ANYONE's political opinions.
I think we are fighting a war that should have never been started and will never be won. Or am I supposed to think that America is doing the "noble" thing? So many people dying, so much money spent and no end in sight. Is it worth it if the goal is unattainable?? When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die...
Sometimes I sit in church and think, "I can't believe they belong to the same church that I do" because others' interpretation of doctrine is so different than my own. It seems like even within our church, everyone is still living their own religion.
Living in the world, but not of it. Much easier said than done.
Sex and money. The whole world revolves around them and seems to be warped by them. I concur with my mom's opinion that our bodies should all be made of smooth surfaces with no private parts. Maybe that would solve the world's preoccupation with sex.
It bothers me that there is so much emphasis placed on "sons" or "daughters" of God. Can't I just be His child? I don't know why this bothers me.
So many people around me are so beautiful and well kept. I feel so much pressure to keep up! Sometimes I wish I could just be fat, ugly, and happy about it. HAHAHA!
Sometimes I wish I could just be a child again with no responsibilities. I'm in way over my head...
3 comments:
I'm sorry your mind is muddled. If it's any consolation, thank you for talking to me the other night. You put my mind at ease to have a voice of reason. The world is so evil and confusing and you are doing an amazing job of raising your kids in such a world. Maybe you and Robert should get away to the condo for a night so you can relax. I could tend!
I enjoyed your blog. I trust the "tea party" a lot more than I do the seasoned republicans because the republicans have almost done as much damage to this country financially as the dems have. I like the sound of smaller government, less taxes, balancing the budget, term limits, etc. The answer to our problems is not MORE and BIGGER government, it is less. How I hope the republicans won't blow it like the democrats did! Hopefully the tea party will put a lot of pressure on the republicans that were just voted in! I think it is strange that the left-wing media portray the tea party movement as "radical". There is nothing radical about it. We also need to do away with the pensions all the senators and House of Reps get after just serving 2 years-- a LIFETIME pension of 100% of their pay! Who gets that in the real world?? It tics me off! Also that they don't have to be forced into the Obamacare like the rest of us! They get primo insurance benefits for life! Wow- it really tics me off! THEY are the ones that are radical fanatics- with taxpayer's money!
I feel like you do...a lot. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
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