Art, A Birthday, and a Sunday Fieldtrip

Hunter and his painting of Messi, his soccer idol

Elisabeth turns 9!

Elisabeth and her favorite present

We have decided to take our older children to explore different churches within our community over the next year so that they can see and appreciate other people's religious views.  First stop was Cathedral of the Madeleine, a Catholic church in Salt Lake.  We also mixed this experience with a service project of handing out care packages to the homeless.  It was a wonderfully uplifting Sunday.

We stopped at Temple Square first

This lady was so so thankful to Christian and Madison for their gesture.  She said, "Praise Be to Jesus!"

Cathedral of the Madeleine

Beautiful.

The Evolution of Marriage

I was interested in learning a little more about the history of marriage and was intrigued to find that what we refer to today as "traditional marriage" today, is not the type of traditional marriage that has existed throughout most of time.  And THANK GOODNESS!!  I believe God has worked through various means in bringing about our current understanding of marriage, which at least in Western civilization, is based on love and equality.  However, this has only be prevalent in force for about 50 years or so.  Here is the rundown.

For millennia, marriage was about property and power rather than mutual attraction. It was a way of forging political alliances, sealing business deals, and expanding the family labor force. For many people, marriage was an unavoidable duty. For others, it was a privilege, not a right. Servants, slaves, and paupers were often forbidden to wed, and even among the rich, families sometimes sent a younger child to a nunnery or monastery rather than allow them to marry and break up the family’s landholding.
The redefinition of traditional marriage began about 250 years ago, when Westerners began to allow young people to choose their partners on the basis of love rather than having their marriages arranged to suit the interests of their parents. Then, just 100 years ago, courts and public opinion began to extend that right even to marriages that parents and society disapproved.  In the 1940s and 1950s, many states repealed laws that prevented particular classes of people—including those with tuberculosis and “the feeble-minded”—from marrying. In 1967 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional for states to prohibit interracial marriage. It has only been since 1967 that interracial couples could marry!

For most of history, the subordination of wives to husbands was enforced by law and custom. As late as the 1960s, American legal codes assigned differing marital rights and obligations by gender. The husband was legally responsible for supporting the family financially, but he also got to decide what constituted an adequate level of support, how to dispose of family property, and where the family would live. The wife was legally responsible for providing services in and around the home, but she had no comparable rights to such services.  That is why a husband could sue for loss of consortium if his spouse was killed or incapacitated, but a wife in the same situation could not. And because sex was one of the services expected of a wife, she could not charge her husband with rape.  Until the 1970s, women could not open credit cards in their own names and had no right to decide on the distribution of community property.  It was only recently, between the 1970s and 1990s that most Americans came to view marriage as a relationship between two individuals who were free to organize their partnership on the basis of personal inclination rather than preassigned gender roles. Legal codes were rewritten to be gender neutral, and men’s and women’s activities both at home and work began to converge.  Today, the majority of American children grow up in homes where their parents share breadwinning, housework, and child care. Some couples even decide to reverse traditional gender roles, with the woman becoming the primary breadwinner or the man becoming a stay-at-home dad.

In the Bible, women are historically treated poorly in marriage arrangements as well.  Here is a chart representing marriage in the Bible.  Just as a summary, in case the chart is too small to see, marriage for a woman included accepting her husband's concubines, marrying her rapist after being raped, of course the practice of polygamy, arranged marriages without consent, if a bride couldn't prove her virginity, she was stoned, and women being taken as spoils of war.

So when I hear things like, "Traditional marriage has been around since Adam and Eve,"  I think to myself, "What are they talking about?!"  Because simply put, it hasn't, at least in a way that is understood in our terms today.  I am thankful for the evolution of marriage through time and hope that the rest of the world will evolve to the same understanding of equality and love in marriage as we have.  It's also probably not accurate to espouse the virtues of "traditional marriage" when defending a stance against gay marriage since our understanding of "traditional marriage" has actually only been around for 50 years, not since Adam and Eve, and much of the history of marriage is steeped in inequality for women and those who were poor.

What I am so thankful for is the peace and joy my own marriage has brought me.  My favorite marriage quote is this:

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

–Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

A Mother There

As I have taught Gospel Doctrine over the past 5 months, I have consciously tried to refer to not just Heavenly Father in my lessons, but Heavenly parents, and also our Heavenly Mother.  Robert and I have always done this in our home, but not as much publicly at church until more recently.  I have always felt a little sadness in the fact that even the mention of Heavenly Mother is at times taboo even though I can't think of why it should be.  Just like our belief that on Earth, families function best with 2 parents, our lives would be more blessed and complete with more understanding of the other parent we have in heaven that we hear so little about.  I believe her virtual non existence in history is because of cultural beliefs based in sexism, and nothing more.  I resent the notion that God is somehow "protecting" her from her children because I believe like me, she is strong.  Simple logic refutes the well-intentioned idea that we protect her by hiding her. Surely it makes no sense that children should be denied knowing anything of their mother, talking about her, loving her and honoring her, during the most crucial period of their eternal journey. Doing so with an earthly mother would be unthinkable; how much more so with our Mother in Heaven? I don't believe this is healthy or the way it was ever meant to be and so changing my language to be more inclusive of Heavenly Mother is one way in which I am trying to change the unfortunate taboo that exists around her existence.  An acquaintance recently put this video together of conference references to our Heavenly parents which I was really touched by and I thought I would share it. Most of the references in the video refer to Heavenly parents, not just Heavenly Mother, but it still made me feel better having it all put together and hearing her inclusion so many times in succession.
(The link may not work on iPads or phones)--And yes, the woman in pink who speaks in the video, bugs.

Cali 2013

Our summer trip this year was to Southern California.  We stayed in a small beach city called Dana Point which was about 5 minutes from Laguna Beach.  Every day we explored a different beach; Crescent Bay, Laguna, La Jolla, Salt Creek, and Crystal Cove Beaches.  The weather was mild and gorgeous.  We also went to Legoland for a day and to Los Angeles for a day where we explored the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Grauman's Chinese Theater, the Wax Museum, and Griffith's Observatory which had great views of the city.  I am happy to say that this was probably the easiest and most pleasant family trip we have ever had because our kids are all getting older.  Robert and I both celebrated our 40th birthdays while we were there also, or as I would rather think of it, our 39 + 1 birthdays!  Now we are all madly getting ready for school to start back up on the 26th.  I think it's safe to say at this point that I made it through summer with my sanity in tact, although there were several VERY close calls.

Me and the kids at Salt Creek Beach

Beautiful Crescent Bay Beach

These two got along well almost the whole time!!

Beautiful Miss M

Exploring the cliffs

My 5 precious people

La Jolla Beach

Lots of sand digging

These two are inseparable.  I love it.

No one was happier to play in the waves than this boy.

Me and my favorite

Legoland 

Ashton's dream come true

Kids in front of the largest Lego model in the world.  Built with over 5 million legos.

Grauman's Chinese Theater where the movie stars leave their handprints and footprints

Wax Museum with Will Smith

Madison and Justin Bieber

Why does ET remind me of my dog?

Hollywood Walk of Fame.  Christian poses with Hugh Jackman's star

Up by the Hollywood sign

Griffith Observatory

View of LA

Summer Woes

Summers are hard for me, and lately life in general has been tough.  It may be that my expectations for my children are too high, or that I don't do well without having my children's time structured.  Sometimes the house looks like everyone has emptied their drawers and toy buckets and chucked the contents all into the family room and then gotten every cup, bowl, and spoon out and left them sprawled all over the kitchen.  It seems like there is so much damage on the walls of our home, that I imagine that one day, they all must have decided to just kick all the walls in just for entertainment.  I'm sure this is not the case, it just feels like it is sometimes.  It also may be the onslaught of everyone's summer fun blasted all over Instagram and Facebook, which makes it seem like all day every day is laughter, fun, and memories for everyone.  Of course we have had a lot of wonderful activities of our own, but I find that overall, summer is HARD work, filled with equal parts fun, messes, sibling fighting, and some intense efforts in parenting skills.  I really feel like summer vacation could all be accomplished in about 4-6 weeks and then kids would do better being back in school learning.  I don't feel at all like family bonding or childhood would be negatively affected by being in school more.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children and enjoy their company, but I just think 3 months of summer vacation is too much of a good thing.  Honestly, I have never been so tapped out when it comes to the individual needs of each child.  I find my mind is always thinking, planning, reasoning, analyzing, and rethinking ways of doing things.  It's made things get really simple: what I care about most is my relationship with each child and their individual happiness.  All of my decisions on how I should proceed are based around these 2 things.  And when I say "happiness", I mean that I try and get out of the way and let them lead a little more in defining what happiness is for them.  It can be incredibly emotionally draining when you have a child that has some extenuating needs and you are therefore thinking through every word out of your mouth and action you take.  Well, the older they get, the more this is the case.  And while I would love to be one of those moms who is just carefree and fancy free, I'm not and I never will be.  There is always the mother that feels the need to broadcast to everyone how she simply cannot get enough time with her children and cherishes every moment of summer, crying when they return to school.  Stop.  Just stop.  You are lying at my expense.  If this were the truth, you would be homeschooling and loving it.  Then there is always the pull I feel to go back to school.  Oh yah, there is a "Me" somewhere in the mix which is easy to forget about.  It's just not enough for me to exist only to love and serve my children and I always knew this about myself, even before I had kids.  Learning is a big part of who I am, and besides reading, it has been on hold for 16 years.  I want to go back to school, but how? And when?  What do children suffer from more?  A mother who gives up everything for them, even her deepest desires in order to serve them, teaching them to do the same in the future?  Or a mother who occasionally chooses herself, and is therefore NOT always there when they may need her?  Or what about a mother who has no interests or goals outside of her children?  A lot of how they respond depends on society's messages around them.  If society is supportive of mothers who work or go to school, then it seems children learn to be more accepting of this.  But if society teaches them that their mother has made a "lesser" choice, choosing worldly things over them, they will have more issues with it.  My mom did an amazing job at going back to school with young children still at home.  Hopefully I can do as well as she did.  Trying to teach your kids to work and to not waste their time doing brainless things like TV and electronic games is a full time job.  I wonder why it's so hard for me?  Do other mothers just let their kids do what they want all day?  Because that would be so much easier!  Or are they just more mild mannered and have passive children who simply do what they are asked?  Hmmmm.  I'm convinced that people aren't as carefree as they seem on social media.  At least that's my hope.

While cleaning out my closet, I came across this poem that Christian wrote me.  It made all my woes fade for a while.

You don't want me to grow old or tall

You wish your Peanut could just stay small

I'm sorry to say that I've gotta plan

I'm going to grow up, and be a man

You taught me to think, love, and pray

I promise I'll work hard every day

You gave me life in more ways than one--

You taught me passion, wisdom, work, and even fun

You taught me to battle dark warriors,  vile villains, and evil powers

But also to dream, create, help, sympathize, be true, and to admire life's pretty flowers

You are uplifting, charitable, pretty, and nice

The chances of getting a Mama like you were so slim, I had to use loaded dice

You gave me the knowledge to seize the day

And even some of your amazing DNA

The wisdom of the sages, kings, and prophets of old

Dwindles in comparison to what I've been told

You deserve kingdoms, honors, and wealth of great sum

I'm so happy that I get to keep you and call you my "Mum."

Awww, so sweet!