It was back when Robert was in dental school and I was feeling trapped at home that I got it in my head to take a drawing class. I wanted to be able to draw beautiful portraits of my children (fanciful thinking) and so I settled on taking a figure drawing class. I looked over the art school syllabus and found that in some of the class descriptions, there would be nude models. Well, I thought, I'm definitely going to avoid that so I picked a class that specifically did NOT mention nude models in it's description. The first day of class, I was nervous because I knew that many in the class would most likely have drawing experience, which I did not have. There were 6 of us in the class and so we all set up our easels for the front row experience. The teacher explained the class objectives and then much to my HORROR, introduced the male model who nonchalantly walked in, in his plush white robe and promptly disrobed, dropping it on the floor. What the WHAT?! I was red, sweating bullets, averting my eyes, and looking for the nearest exit. But wait, wouldn't it be offensive for him to disrobe, for me to see him in all his glory, and then saunter on out? Wouldn't that be like me saying, "I have seen you, taken it ALL in, and find you simply reprehensible." I pretended to take it all in stride like my classmates, who seemed to think that seeing a stranger stand 6 feet in front of them completely naked was a normal daily occurrence. Oh but it got worse, much worse my fine readers. Apparently, we needed to learn to see and then draw the human body in MOVEMENT! And my, what strange positions the body can take when it wants to. I will never forget the following week's class model which was a middle aged man with completely flat buns, totally covered in hair like a wooly mammoth, and confidence to spare. He decided to challenge our drawing abilities by doing a freaking HEADSTAND for the class!! I'll let your mind explore what a naked wooly mammoth man would look like standing on his head. The class would intermittently pause so that each of us could observe each other's sketches and that was always the worst. Mine were the only drawings in the class that completely avoided all private parts. My classmates would have constructive criticism for me like, "Hmmm. It looks like you're missing some vital components in your drawing." Me: "Yep." Now you may be wondering what Robert thought about all of this nakedness. After I had decided that I couldn't possibly leave the small class, perhaps insulting the naked man in front of me, I came home to tell Robert of my art adventures. Me: "Funny thing . . . Turns out it is a NUDE drawing class. Thoughts? Concerns?" Robert, rolls his eyes. "Let me see your sketches." After seeing that the sketches weren't half bad, and weren't drawings of only male genitalia, he gave his support and approval for me to continue.
A couple of weeks later, we were at dinner with another dental school couple who were even more prude than me, which by now I wasn't so prude because I was fully tainted from what had been a wonderful experience with nude drawing. It's actually really hard to learn to draw the human body if you haven't ever really seen much of it. Anyway, the wife mentions in conversation how she would NEVER allow her child to tour this particular art school for a field trip because she had heard the rumor that nude drawing classes were there and that was just so evil. I thought about mentioning how we had anatomically correct human body books that our children regularly read, or that we had art books with famous nude sculptures in them that we allowed our children to peruse at home, or perhaps, that I just happened to be taking a class there at that very school, but at Robert's not-so-gentle nudging under the table, I put on my mask of horror and extra high voice and exclaimed with the appropriate disgust, "That's just terrible!" And "Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you!" And I realized that sometimes, lying by omission, is absolutely the right thing to do.
3 comments:
Ha ha. I think it's strange that a beginning art class would have a nude in it. It seems like you should have started with drawing a bowl of apples, or something. Very strange. It would have to happen to you!
This is a FABULOUS essay. Not simply because you were talking about naked men, but the writing! This should be submitted somewhere.
Although I think I disagree with your ending. I think there could have been tactful ways to disagree. But then again, that comes from me who often doesn't come up with the right responses until too late.
I don't understand why we can't all just be smooth down there, like Barbie dolls, no crevices, extra appendages, etc. The only time there needs to be an "exit" or "orifice" should be immediately before childbirth. And I'm sticking to that! And then it should immediately disappear thereafter. And as for drawing a naked man standing on his head, it's bad enough when they're standing up. I can't imagine drawing something flopping upside down, which technically would make it right side up, would it not? Ohhh myyyyyyy!!!! You're right, sometimes it's not worth the effort to disagree with someone because they simply won't understand your point of view anyway, so that's when I just nod and say Yes.
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