a little bit of writing therapy

AN OPEN LETTER TO ANYONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED MY SON’S MELTDOWNS/INABILITY TO FOCUS AND STRONG PERSONALITY

Dear [Teacher/Family Member/Friend/Stranger/Jackass],
I’m sorry my six-year-old son disrupted your…

a) class
b) trip to the grocery store
c) soccer game
d) spiritual experience at church

As you may/may not know, my son may or may not have ADD, some social difficulties, or maybe just A STRONG PERSONALITY. One, or all of these things may affect:

a) how he communicates
b) his ability to pay attention
c) his frustration tolerance
d) his need for personal space
e) his ability to learn from his mistakes
f) all of the above

I’m sure you noticed one or more of these when he couldn't sit still or focus during:

a) school
b) church
c) any and every conversation
d) soccer practice
e) all of the above


I can tell from your comments and/or the way you look at me that you think I’m…

a) too strict
b) too smothering
c) too permissive
d) not spanking enough


I am sorry (or maybe not) that he is not like your child who is:

a) completely lacking in personality
b) boring
c) perfect
d) "normal" (blahhhhh)
e) utterly passive


In the heat of the moment, when you were telling me of your concerns, it was hard to hear your…

a) self-serving psycho babble
b) succinct analysis of my flaws
c) concerns about the future of my child
d) Un-insightful recommendations for dealing with my son, as if I haven't had 4 other children before him


What you fail to realize is that:

a) Every single one of my children has been deemed "not normal" at one time or another and is juuuuust fiiiine thank you very much
b) You think you are an expert on my child, but you are not
c) What you see as "a problem", I see as a potential strength
d) He's probably smarter than you. Already.
e) all of the above


When he told the substitute that, "You're not the boss of me," I was:

a) Maybe a little bit impressed
b) Slightly amused
b) Wondering if questioning authority is sometimes ok and I shouldn't get him in trouble
c) Wondering if it was slightly mean of you to dock him all of his "stars" for the day for saying this
d) all of the above


I’m sorry he turned down your offer of…

a) a hug
b) speaking in front of the class.
c) sitting in a large group on the floor
d) all of the above

He has strong preferences and a very large personal space that needs to be understood and heeded. At only 6 years old, he has a hard time communicating his needs and occasionally strikes out when he doesn't have the words to express himself.


It's hard for me to believe that in your experience:

a) all 6 year olds pay attention for long periods of time
b) all 6 year olds follow directions perfectly
c) all 6 year olds get along with their peers in perfect harmony
d) all 6 year olds are compliant to everything they are told

This has NEVER been my experience with any of my 5 children. hmmmm One of us must be way off in our observations.


Unlike your analysis of my child, I find him:

a) brilliant
b) interesting
c) unique
d) strong
e) possessing great depth
f) all of the above

And I believe in him. He will be truly great. You just watch.

So forgive me if I seem…

a) bitter at your lack of compassion
b) upset at your blanket statements of what "all" and "every other" child his age does that he doesn't
c) exhausted
d) doubtful of your noble intentions
It’s only because I am indeed, ALL OF THE ABOVE


a) Yours truly,

b) Love,

c) So screw you and your ill-informed advice,

(Answer C is correct)

S. Flynn

Art, A Birthday, and a Sunday Fieldtrip

Hunter and his painting of Messi, his soccer idol

Elisabeth turns 9!

Elisabeth and her favorite present

We have decided to take our older children to explore different churches within our community over the next year so that they can see and appreciate other people's religious views.  First stop was Cathedral of the Madeleine, a Catholic church in Salt Lake.  We also mixed this experience with a service project of handing out care packages to the homeless.  It was a wonderfully uplifting Sunday.

We stopped at Temple Square first

This lady was so so thankful to Christian and Madison for their gesture.  She said, "Praise Be to Jesus!"

Cathedral of the Madeleine

Beautiful.

The Evolution of Marriage

I was interested in learning a little more about the history of marriage and was intrigued to find that what we refer to today as "traditional marriage" today, is not the type of traditional marriage that has existed throughout most of time.  And THANK GOODNESS!!  I believe God has worked through various means in bringing about our current understanding of marriage, which at least in Western civilization, is based on love and equality.  However, this has only be prevalent in force for about 50 years or so.  Here is the rundown.

For millennia, marriage was about property and power rather than mutual attraction. It was a way of forging political alliances, sealing business deals, and expanding the family labor force. For many people, marriage was an unavoidable duty. For others, it was a privilege, not a right. Servants, slaves, and paupers were often forbidden to wed, and even among the rich, families sometimes sent a younger child to a nunnery or monastery rather than allow them to marry and break up the family’s landholding.
The redefinition of traditional marriage began about 250 years ago, when Westerners began to allow young people to choose their partners on the basis of love rather than having their marriages arranged to suit the interests of their parents. Then, just 100 years ago, courts and public opinion began to extend that right even to marriages that parents and society disapproved.  In the 1940s and 1950s, many states repealed laws that prevented particular classes of people—including those with tuberculosis and “the feeble-minded”—from marrying. In 1967 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional for states to prohibit interracial marriage. It has only been since 1967 that interracial couples could marry!

For most of history, the subordination of wives to husbands was enforced by law and custom. As late as the 1960s, American legal codes assigned differing marital rights and obligations by gender. The husband was legally responsible for supporting the family financially, but he also got to decide what constituted an adequate level of support, how to dispose of family property, and where the family would live. The wife was legally responsible for providing services in and around the home, but she had no comparable rights to such services.  That is why a husband could sue for loss of consortium if his spouse was killed or incapacitated, but a wife in the same situation could not. And because sex was one of the services expected of a wife, she could not charge her husband with rape.  Until the 1970s, women could not open credit cards in their own names and had no right to decide on the distribution of community property.  It was only recently, between the 1970s and 1990s that most Americans came to view marriage as a relationship between two individuals who were free to organize their partnership on the basis of personal inclination rather than preassigned gender roles. Legal codes were rewritten to be gender neutral, and men’s and women’s activities both at home and work began to converge.  Today, the majority of American children grow up in homes where their parents share breadwinning, housework, and child care. Some couples even decide to reverse traditional gender roles, with the woman becoming the primary breadwinner or the man becoming a stay-at-home dad.

In the Bible, women are historically treated poorly in marriage arrangements as well.  Here is a chart representing marriage in the Bible.  Just as a summary, in case the chart is too small to see, marriage for a woman included accepting her husband's concubines, marrying her rapist after being raped, of course the practice of polygamy, arranged marriages without consent, if a bride couldn't prove her virginity, she was stoned, and women being taken as spoils of war.

So when I hear things like, "Traditional marriage has been around since Adam and Eve,"  I think to myself, "What are they talking about?!"  Because simply put, it hasn't, at least in a way that is understood in our terms today.  I am thankful for the evolution of marriage through time and hope that the rest of the world will evolve to the same understanding of equality and love in marriage as we have.  It's also probably not accurate to espouse the virtues of "traditional marriage" when defending a stance against gay marriage since our understanding of "traditional marriage" has actually only been around for 50 years, not since Adam and Eve, and much of the history of marriage is steeped in inequality for women and those who were poor.

What I am so thankful for is the peace and joy my own marriage has brought me.  My favorite marriage quote is this:

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

–Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

A Mother There

As I have taught Gospel Doctrine over the past 5 months, I have consciously tried to refer to not just Heavenly Father in my lessons, but Heavenly parents, and also our Heavenly Mother.  Robert and I have always done this in our home, but not as much publicly at church until more recently.  I have always felt a little sadness in the fact that even the mention of Heavenly Mother is at times taboo even though I can't think of why it should be.  Just like our belief that on Earth, families function best with 2 parents, our lives would be more blessed and complete with more understanding of the other parent we have in heaven that we hear so little about.  I believe her virtual non existence in history is because of cultural beliefs based in sexism, and nothing more.  I resent the notion that God is somehow "protecting" her from her children because I believe like me, she is strong.  Simple logic refutes the well-intentioned idea that we protect her by hiding her. Surely it makes no sense that children should be denied knowing anything of their mother, talking about her, loving her and honoring her, during the most crucial period of their eternal journey. Doing so with an earthly mother would be unthinkable; how much more so with our Mother in Heaven? I don't believe this is healthy or the way it was ever meant to be and so changing my language to be more inclusive of Heavenly Mother is one way in which I am trying to change the unfortunate taboo that exists around her existence.  An acquaintance recently put this video together of conference references to our Heavenly parents which I was really touched by and I thought I would share it. Most of the references in the video refer to Heavenly parents, not just Heavenly Mother, but it still made me feel better having it all put together and hearing her inclusion so many times in succession.
(The link may not work on iPads or phones)--And yes, the woman in pink who speaks in the video, bugs.