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The other day while at a restaurant, I passed a woman who had a sweet newborn baby. I felt that familiar twinge of sadness that I always feel when I see someone else pregnant or with a new baby and wondered, "When will I not feel sad that I will never have another baby?" Everyone always told me, "You'll know when you're done" and I guess I know that my body has had it with pregnancies--I'm just barely recovering from my thyroid condition caused by my last pregnancy, but my heart doesn't want to believe that I will never feel another baby kick inside me or greet another baby of mine into life! I know it is strange to some, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant. It makes me feel powerful, beautiful (until the last couple months), and happy. Even though my 5 children overwhelm me on a constant basis, somehow there's still a part of me that wishes I could have more children! I know--I'm crazy. But here is what I have loved and cherished about my children:
*They have given me another childhood to experience through them. I love seeing life through new eyes.
*Unconditional love.
*Although it can be intimidating, I love having the power to teach them and mold them.
*They have taught me to find joy in simplicity and innocence.
*They help me keep my priorities straight.
*I love seeing Robert in each of them.
*They keep me humble.
*Being a mother makes me feel important.
*I love creating new traditions with them.
*I love family vacations with them (at least when they are over!)
*I know that God lives because when I look in their eyes, there is no denying His existence.
*They keep me on the right track because they watch my every move.
*I can see my weaknesses much more clearly through their eyes, and so it helps me improve.
*They make me proud.
*They have given me more happiness and satisfaction than I could have ever dreamed.
And so as I watch my baby Ashton grow more each day, learn more, and become more independent, I am a little sad. I will never be one of those who is glad to be done with babies and happy to have my life back because life before them, was not nearly the life it is now. I think perhaps I will always envy those who are still having babies the rest of my life, but as my Mom has so wisely said, "Be thankful you've had such a wonderful experience raising kids that you CAN feel like this."
5 comments:
You are not insane. What a beautiful post. I feel the same way. Pregnancy and motherhood are amazing and wonderful and I'm both excited and sad every day to see my children grow up.
Very beautifully written. I agree with so much of what you said. Seeing our children grow is so bittersweet.
I love this post. You are seriously the best mom to your kids! Hope I have an ounce of any of your feelings somewhere inside my body because I sure don't feel it now!!
I love this post Sandy. Just like Kristen said, you really are an incredible mom. I still remember babysitting your kids for the day about a year ago and being totally and completely impressed with how smart, obedient, well behaved, and independent they were. I LOVED seeing the pictures of your kids as babies...they are all SO beautiful!
I too loved being pregnant even though I was sick most of the time, grouchy, and tired. There is something beautiful about a pregnant woman, there is a motherly glow. When we quit having children I asked my dad what will I do now and he said raise them. I said of course and then immediately went back to school, I forgot the most important thing in life and that was to raise my children and be there for them all the time. They grow up fast so enjoy! Enjoy the journey and then when the children are all grown up - go on a Senior Couples Mission and enjoy your time together again.
To answer your question when do you quit wishing for children - I when the grandchildren come. They are so much fun without all of the responsibilities! Love you all.
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