This blog is like a journal for me, so I would like to write about a topic that has been a hard one for me to come to a conclusion that I feel good about, and that is Same-Sex Marriage. This is the first time I have found myself desperately trying to stay "mainstream" with the church's views and really struggling and here are the reasons why:
*I completely believe that there are some who are born with an attraction to the same gender, as well as those who, through abuse or other circumstances, find themselves attracted to the same gender. In other words, I don't believe that in most cases it is a choice and I don't believe that they can be "counseled" out of their feelings.
*Because of this premise, I wonder how is it possible for these people to live alone without human affection or companionship their whole lives? Yes, there are some heterosexual people that never marry, but they can still date, and show affection and have relationships throughout their life. The other option for gay people would be to live a lie and marry someone of the opposite gender with a high probability of this ending in divorce.
*I didn't see for a long time, how gays being able to marry had an effect on my marriage. I believe that it is HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE that has fouled up society, with the skyrocketing divorce rate, rampant infidelity, and resulting single parent families. It's not like conventional marriage is highly successful in the present.
*It's hard for me to see one group of people singled out by the church. Now I realize that it is they who have put themselves in the spotlight, but this is a group of people who have had so much history of discrimination that I really feel bad for them.
*We, as LDS people, have a history of polygamy which is also an alternative marriage lifestyle. Yes, I know that it was "commanded" for whatever reason, but from an outsiders view, this seems hypocritical to want to be accepted for our views on marriage, and then not allow others' to have a marriage of their choice. We felt OUTCAST in those early church days, and that is how THEY feel now.
*The 11th Article of Faith states, "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. If marriage is a religious act, then why are we not allowing others to worship "how, where, or what they may?"
*We consider sexual relations outside of marriage a sin, but we won't allow them to marry and thus no longer live in sin.
*I believe that by the church taking this stand, that the result, all though well-intended, will be more discrimination against the gay population. The church has wisely stated that it's the sin, not the person that we oppose, but I don't think that most people can separate the two. There has already been some evidence of this in the news of protests happening downtown and members picketing about how "filthy" the gays are. Yes, I know that they are provoking us, but we should always live a higher law.
*Do I think that gay sex seems unnatural? Yes, I do. But let's be honest people, none of it's pretty when you think about it; gay or heterosexual. And I truly believe that if I was gay, that heterosexual relations would seem just as unnatural to me as gay sex does to me now.
*Even if they are not allowed to marry, it's not like they are going to say, "Okay. Well then I guess I will go find myself someone of the opposite gender, give up all my feelings and raise a traditional family." We won't be changing anything in their behavior. They will still continue to live their lifestyle, just not within a marriage.
*Our church believes that marriage is a religious act, and for me it was the ultimate religious act. However, I don't believe that for most people it is anymore. I think to most people, it is a civil act, and if this is true, than it is indeed discriminatory to not allow gays to marry.
*The biggest reason I DON'T support gay marriage is that I believe in a division of church and state. I worry that if they are allowed to marry, that the government will start forcing different religions to let them marry, even in our temples, all in the name of "fairness." This would be a travesty.
Now, before you judge me, please know that I genuinely with all my heart, want to come to a conclusion that I feel comfortable with and that is in alignment with the church's stance. I have spent HOURS upon HOURS talking about this with Robert and reading different opinions on the issue. I truly wish it was clear cut for me and would love any educated feedback anyone has. I have, through prayer, been able to accept the church's stand with faith and would never do anything to take a stand against the church, but I still have a hard time with this issue.
What I have been able to come to a conclusion about is that traditional marriage IS under attack, but not just by gays. I cannot believe how many people these days are having babies out of wedlock, some by choice! I firmly believe that the IDEAL situation is a loving mother and father committed to raising their children within a stable marriage. There are really so few of these, even within the church though! I really don't know very many happily married, stable, normal people that are married. Do you? I just don't necessarily believe that a teenage out-of-wedlock baby being born is any better than two committed people of the same gender raising a child. Both are not ideal, but is one better than the other?
If gays are indeed expected to live a life alone, with no human affection and never to act on their attractions, than to me, this is the hardest and heaviest burden I can ever imagine anyone having. I have the upmost respect and admiration for those very, very few who are able to do this, and I hope that they can be treated with dignity, understanding, and respect by those around them.
4 comments:
Some very good points, Sandy. I agree with you on a lot of them. One of the main ones is how passionately I feel about the separation of Church and State. Can't stress it enough. I appreciate your opinion and all the thought and research you've gone to.
I commend you for your boldness and honesty. I agree it's a tough issue, and there are many reasons why someone chooses that lifestyle. My personal feeling is that we have allowed gay couples to adopt children; we should allow them to marry. Let them demonstrate that marriage is a commitment of love and an important part of the family unit. There are many different types of relationship lifestyles on this planet. We don't have to agree with or participate in them if we don't want to. A lot of what the argument seems to be around is the legal benefits and the recognition of what it means to be "married". I'm guessing the church and others are fighting so hard against it because of all of the unforeseen consequences that could come from mixing state and church, and the definitions of long held religious beliefs. The idea of forcing religious institutions to perform same-sex marriages in their sacred places is just one possible negative outcome that could come. Sometimes when we don't understand or agree it is best to just love and let it go. Focus on making your marriage the best it can be, send loving positive thoughts and prayers to all those who are involved in this decision, and leave the rest up to God. Some things won't make sense until we get to the other side. :) Glad you are using the intelligent brain God gave you instead of just accepting what is being told you to believe. It's tougher sometimes that way, but that's how we become Godlike. Love you!
I agree with pretty much everything you had to say. I guess I'm supposed to be really up in arms about the whole concept, but I'm having a hard time feeling such. Would it really "destroy" the family unit any more than a volatile and unhealthy husband and wife relationship or struggling single parent relationship, especially considering when there are two loving parents in the relationship? Why can't we all live and let live? If for nothing else, they should let gay couples have the same rights as married couples who are given the right to file jointly on taxes and reap those benefits, but then everyone would randomly start filing jointly on taxes if this were the case and there would be no way to prove a union it if there is not an actual civil marriage. I do think that they should be able to see their loved ones in the hospital without being given any grief. And that's my two pence. Hopefully that wasn't blasphemous what I just said. Admittedly, I have not done any research, nor do I care to, so I'm a bit apathetic on the subject. Ho hum.
This can be such a hard topic. I think that you made some good points and I agree with some of them. Things can get confusing and take the wrong way. Being in CA, I have seen, I think, a different side of all this than some. I can't tell you how many times I have been talking with someone and I am asked where I am from. When they hear UT, they immediately walk away or say something disgusting. Mormons are not well received here anymore after the Prop 8 thing. We had people storm in the chapel on Sunday screaming, swearing etc. Not to mention a list of people's names that donated to prop 8 or helped with it were harassed to no end. Now you could say that about both sides huh? It's just not right. I will always believe that a marriage is only between a man and a woman. Its just so hard, we are all humans, Gods children. I can tell you have put alot of thought and research into this! I think you did a great job!
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