Let's Cut Each Other Some Slack

Our lesson in Relief Society yesterday centered on the eternal family, the forces that were trying to tear the family unit down, and the things we were trying to do in our individual homes to fortify our families against this.  Of course it made me reflect on the things they I do in my family that are contributing to making us stronger, and the ways in which I could improve.  The hard thing about being a mother, is that whatever you are doing right, it never seems like enough--you always feel like you should be doing more and be doing better.  It's also very hard in this day and age to gauge each moral issue and decide where you stand and what you will teach your children because there are so many diverse opinions.  Among LDS society, I tend to fall somewhere in the middle in my views because while I don't agree with the world's perspective of life, I often think LDS people take things to extremes and then impose their stringent views on everyone around them and I don't want to be like that either.  It becomes very difficult though when you hear of other people's views that are stricter than your own, because then you begin second guessing yourself wondering if your kids would be better off if you adopted a more rigorous view on things.  It also doesn't help when people sometimes present their personal opinions as doctrine, when in fact it is not.

For example, I have made it very clear to my girls that they are not allowed (as much as I could enforce this) to get married before they are 21, that they should live away from home for a couple of years before they are married, and that they should seek an education.  As a matter of fact, one of them asked me recently if you had to have a "degree" to be a mom and I said "Yes you do."  There are some that say that marriage as a priority should come first, above education and seeking an identity.  I don't agree, simply because of the growth I gained, living away at college from the ages of 18-21.  Some would think this to be a "worldly" view and one that should be altered to be in alignment with church leaders.  I don't know.  However, if other people around me were to marry younger than 21 and not get a college degree, this would not bother me and would not lessen my view of them.

Here's another example.  Our stake recently made a push for the young women to not wear skirts above the knee with leggings underneath.  I find this to be completely absurd and will not impose this rule on my daughter.  On the other hand, I don't want my girls wearing bikinis, short shorts, or even tank tops, although I don't think that people that do allow their girls to wear these things are in any way less than myself.  I don't see anything wrong with wearing fairly "fitted" clothing and absolutely DO NOT believe the girls to be the "gatekeeper" of a young man's virtue.  In my view, a female should be able to stay mostly contemporary in her dress and not constantly thinking of how a boy may view her apparel.  Am I worldly in my opinion on this?

Politics.  How I wish it wouldn't be intertwined with religion, but it is.  The thing is, I consider myself a very conservative person but because my views don't fall exactly down Republican lines (or Democrat for that matter), I think some may view me as a liberal person.  I like to listen to what everyone has to say, combine it with their background which perhaps contributed to their stance, and then decide for myself what I believe.  If this makes me liberal, then so be it.

Is there room for acceptance in our church if a couple only wants one or two children, or if the mother wants to work full or part time?  Is that bad?  Or worldly?  What about if the husband wants to be a stay at home Dad while the wife works to support the family?  I just can't believe there is a "one size fits all" way of living.  How could there be when every person is so different and their circumstances so diverse?  In my humble opinion, there are MANY ways to live a righteous life and if you are in tune with Heavenly Father and with yourself, you can find what's right for YOU.

Where am I trying to go with this?  Hmmm.  I guess that there definitely exists a Mormon culture which should be independent of the actual religion, but is not.  Especially for mothers, there's a lot of comparing and judging among us because when almost your entire neighborhood is LDS, sometimes you know too much about each other and so comparing is easy to do.  This leads to the temptation to assume everyone should think like you do and have the same guidelines as you do in raising their children.  I certainly hope that people can see that I am trying my DARNDEST to raise my children well, and refrain from judging me, and I hope that I too can be a supporter of those around me--someone who assumes most mothers are trying their best as well.