Women: Guardians of Virtue?

I realize that the Young Women's General session was a couple of weeks ago, but there have been a couple of thoughts specifically on Sister Dalton's talk regarding women/girls being the "guardians of virtue" that I have not been able to put into words until now.  While I appreciate the overall message of what I think she was trying to portray, here are some of my qualms about the way in which it was depicted.

*Elaine Dalton’s talk said, “Being a guardian of virtue means you will never text words or images to young men that may cause them to lose the Spirit, lose their priesthood power, or lose their virtue.” Why should the young woman be responsible for the young men losing the Spirit, their priesthood power, or virtue?   We are severely underestimating our young men, and placing undue responsibility on young women's shoulders.  When you put women ‘in charge’ of men’s sexual desires and behavior it can lead to extreme practices worldwide (like forced virginity tests) because people believe that a good woman is a virtuous woman and that virginity equals something that is does not.  It equates virginity with self worth. Women are NOT the only guardians of virtue. We’re all in charge of our own and saying it in this way reinforces that men lack proper self control.

*There is an implicit assertion that as sexual beings young men and women are not of equivalent vigor and passion. The sexuality of men is affirmed in so many ways in LDS culture. Lust should be controlled and channeled in specific ways, but male sexuality in general is thought to be a productive if pervasive aspect of life. Female sexual desire, on the other hand, is minimized and it's existence is denied. A sexually empowered woman is not an archetype that Mormonism generally allows. For young women, not being given any validation of one’s sexual nature, being placed in the asexual role of guardian of what is possessed only by another, is a denial of full personhood.

*Chastity, modesty and pornography messages by the church often function in a way similar to cognitive behavioral therapy and they are repeatedly layered into the psyche for years and further reinforced by church culture. They can be very effective, often producing desirable results but they can also subconsciously produce undesirable results such as creating inhibitions and attenuating female sexuality-- an issue that can play out for years after marriage by creating unnecessary guilt and shame. I will not go into detail about this, but suffice it to say that it took me a while to "de-program" how I viewed sexuality after I was married.  The key to avoiding this is to simply present the case against sex before marriage, non-judgmentally explaining the consequences without misstating or exaggerating the penalties.  I highly disagree with telling someone in their youth that immorality is second in seriousness to murder which I often heard at church growing up.  Perhaps someone who has committed adultery and has been through the temple could be held to this standard but in my opinion, it is extremely damaging to tell youth this.  In other words, follow Joseph’s example; teach them correct principles and they will govern themselves. (hopefully) This avoids abridgement of agency by subconscious programming. I want my children to CHOOSE morality consciously, not be programmed and/or brainwashed into it.

*Why is it that virtue and sexual purity are used synonymously?  My understanding of virtue is similar to that which is covered in the 13th Article of Faith:  "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men. . ."  which is so much more than just virginity.  I see it as something that can continually be enhanced and increased throughout one's life.

*Being a guardian means to prevent theft or escape.  So in the analogy of being a guardian of virtue, it implies that one possesses a finite amount of it and that they can only lose it; it is a static term meaning it cannot be added to.

I desperately want my daughters to be full of virtue in the complete sense of the word.  As defined in the dictionary, virtue is:  goodness, righteousness, morality, integrity, dignity, rectitude, honor, decency, respectability, nobility, worthiness, purity; principles, ethics. I want my daughters to know that they are each responsible for her actions, and hers alone. Yes, her actions affect those around her, but that still does not make her fully responsible for another's poor choices.  Just as importantly, I want my sons to know that they are guardians of their own virtue and that virtue entails much more than just remaining a virgin.  You may think that I am being overly critical of this talk, but I take issue with it because of the pervasive misconceptions of sexuality both in the church and in the world.  We need to be especially mindful of how something this important is portrayed to our children.