Cali 2013

Our summer trip this year was to Southern California.  We stayed in a small beach city called Dana Point which was about 5 minutes from Laguna Beach.  Every day we explored a different beach; Crescent Bay, Laguna, La Jolla, Salt Creek, and Crystal Cove Beaches.  The weather was mild and gorgeous.  We also went to Legoland for a day and to Los Angeles for a day where we explored the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Grauman's Chinese Theater, the Wax Museum, and Griffith's Observatory which had great views of the city.  I am happy to say that this was probably the easiest and most pleasant family trip we have ever had because our kids are all getting older.  Robert and I both celebrated our 40th birthdays while we were there also, or as I would rather think of it, our 39 + 1 birthdays!  Now we are all madly getting ready for school to start back up on the 26th.  I think it's safe to say at this point that I made it through summer with my sanity in tact, although there were several VERY close calls.

Me and the kids at Salt Creek Beach

Beautiful Crescent Bay Beach

These two got along well almost the whole time!!

Beautiful Miss M

Exploring the cliffs

My 5 precious people

La Jolla Beach

Lots of sand digging

These two are inseparable.  I love it.

No one was happier to play in the waves than this boy.

Me and my favorite

Legoland 

Ashton's dream come true

Kids in front of the largest Lego model in the world.  Built with over 5 million legos.

Grauman's Chinese Theater where the movie stars leave their handprints and footprints

Wax Museum with Will Smith

Madison and Justin Bieber

Why does ET remind me of my dog?

Hollywood Walk of Fame.  Christian poses with Hugh Jackman's star

Up by the Hollywood sign

Griffith Observatory

View of LA

Summer Woes

Summers are hard for me, and lately life in general has been tough.  It may be that my expectations for my children are too high, or that I don't do well without having my children's time structured.  Sometimes the house looks like everyone has emptied their drawers and toy buckets and chucked the contents all into the family room and then gotten every cup, bowl, and spoon out and left them sprawled all over the kitchen.  It seems like there is so much damage on the walls of our home, that I imagine that one day, they all must have decided to just kick all the walls in just for entertainment.  I'm sure this is not the case, it just feels like it is sometimes.  It also may be the onslaught of everyone's summer fun blasted all over Instagram and Facebook, which makes it seem like all day every day is laughter, fun, and memories for everyone.  Of course we have had a lot of wonderful activities of our own, but I find that overall, summer is HARD work, filled with equal parts fun, messes, sibling fighting, and some intense efforts in parenting skills.  I really feel like summer vacation could all be accomplished in about 4-6 weeks and then kids would do better being back in school learning.  I don't feel at all like family bonding or childhood would be negatively affected by being in school more.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children and enjoy their company, but I just think 3 months of summer vacation is too much of a good thing.  Honestly, I have never been so tapped out when it comes to the individual needs of each child.  I find my mind is always thinking, planning, reasoning, analyzing, and rethinking ways of doing things.  It's made things get really simple: what I care about most is my relationship with each child and their individual happiness.  All of my decisions on how I should proceed are based around these 2 things.  And when I say "happiness", I mean that I try and get out of the way and let them lead a little more in defining what happiness is for them.  It can be incredibly emotionally draining when you have a child that has some extenuating needs and you are therefore thinking through every word out of your mouth and action you take.  Well, the older they get, the more this is the case.  And while I would love to be one of those moms who is just carefree and fancy free, I'm not and I never will be.  There is always the mother that feels the need to broadcast to everyone how she simply cannot get enough time with her children and cherishes every moment of summer, crying when they return to school.  Stop.  Just stop.  You are lying at my expense.  If this were the truth, you would be homeschooling and loving it.  Then there is always the pull I feel to go back to school.  Oh yah, there is a "Me" somewhere in the mix which is easy to forget about.  It's just not enough for me to exist only to love and serve my children and I always knew this about myself, even before I had kids.  Learning is a big part of who I am, and besides reading, it has been on hold for 16 years.  I want to go back to school, but how? And when?  What do children suffer from more?  A mother who gives up everything for them, even her deepest desires in order to serve them, teaching them to do the same in the future?  Or a mother who occasionally chooses herself, and is therefore NOT always there when they may need her?  Or what about a mother who has no interests or goals outside of her children?  A lot of how they respond depends on society's messages around them.  If society is supportive of mothers who work or go to school, then it seems children learn to be more accepting of this.  But if society teaches them that their mother has made a "lesser" choice, choosing worldly things over them, they will have more issues with it.  My mom did an amazing job at going back to school with young children still at home.  Hopefully I can do as well as she did.  Trying to teach your kids to work and to not waste their time doing brainless things like TV and electronic games is a full time job.  I wonder why it's so hard for me?  Do other mothers just let their kids do what they want all day?  Because that would be so much easier!  Or are they just more mild mannered and have passive children who simply do what they are asked?  Hmmmm.  I'm convinced that people aren't as carefree as they seem on social media.  At least that's my hope.

While cleaning out my closet, I came across this poem that Christian wrote me.  It made all my woes fade for a while.

You don't want me to grow old or tall

You wish your Peanut could just stay small

I'm sorry to say that I've gotta plan

I'm going to grow up, and be a man

You taught me to think, love, and pray

I promise I'll work hard every day

You gave me life in more ways than one--

You taught me passion, wisdom, work, and even fun

You taught me to battle dark warriors,  vile villains, and evil powers

But also to dream, create, help, sympathize, be true, and to admire life's pretty flowers

You are uplifting, charitable, pretty, and nice

The chances of getting a Mama like you were so slim, I had to use loaded dice

You gave me the knowledge to seize the day

And even some of your amazing DNA

The wisdom of the sages, kings, and prophets of old

Dwindles in comparison to what I've been told

You deserve kingdoms, honors, and wealth of great sum

I'm so happy that I get to keep you and call you my "Mum."

Awww, so sweet! 

Good Girl, Jazzy!

I admit that most of my life I have loathed animals.  It seemed that if ever I took the time to stare at one for long enough, it would inevitably pooh on itself, lick its genitals, or charge at me.  My only experience with a family animal when I was young was with our bunny whose name was Puffy and who I am certain was a lesbian with glowing pink eyes and a hatred for all of humanity, but especially me.  I would try and pet her occasionally and she would open her mouth like she was yawning and bare her tiny dagger teeth at me.  We freely let her roam our house, poo-ing pellets and pissing all over because we were all afraid of her.  And when I say HER, I must disclose that we didn't find out HE was in fact a SHE until her later years, which is why to this day, I feel she was a lesbian bunny-- Waaayy too much testosterone in that bunny for her to claim any sort of femininity.  That story, memories of disgusting mating possums at Hogle Zoo, and the horse of our back-door neighbors who used to pleasure itself every dinner hour so we had to close the blinds, comprise my miserable history with animals.  And then. . . our family got a dog named Jasmine, or Jazzy for short.  This little puppy girl is really more like a 1 year old child with fur that has remained 1 her whole life, and always will.  She has fulfilled the measure of her creation already in her 5 years with our family, in that she has softened my heart and taught me how to love not just her, but all animals (okay, maybe not all).  She has shown me that animals have spirits, that animals have feelings, that they respect their owners, love those around them, and are sensitive to the suffering of those they love.  She has taught my children responsibility, a love and respect for animals, as well as given them many wonderful memories.  Jazzy is as sweet, patient, and kind as any human I have ever met, if not more-so.  She is as dumb as a door nail and took 5 (yes 5) years to potty train, but she loves me.  And I love her.  I love that I am her favorite.  I love that when she sees one of us coming, it's like the best day of her life as she frantically runs to greet us, often tinkling from excitement.  I love that she cries this pitiful, pitiful sound until I bring her into my room and let her lay at my feet to watch tv with me.  I love that if I just look at her or say her name, her tail wags wildly.  I love that she doesn't talk with words, but communicates love in so many other ways, and that it is unconditional.  I love that she is my automatic vacuum, as she quickly licks up any scraps I drop from the kitchen counter.  I love that if she sees me walking toward her, she turns over to have her tummy scratched.  I'm even a little embarrassed to admit I like when she licks my feet.  I love puppy footprints in the snow, and that she still finds pleasure when she goes potty and I say, "Good girl, Jazzy!  Good girl!"  Yes, it is true.  Pigs must indeed fly, because I, Sandra, previous hater of all animals, love my dog.  And because of her, when I look into the eyes of a horse, or watch a dolphin flip on top of the water, or see a deer out my window, I see that animals have intelligence and spirits like humans.  Because of her, I have developed even more of a testimony of God's love for his children, and for his immense creativity because he gave us animals.  Yes, I love my dog.  Who knew?

Summer time

The last week of school was action packed and then we were hurled into a very quickly moving summer.  Me and the girls went to the Taylor Swift concert, Christian started his training as a CNA (nursing assistant), we took a trip to the Homestead in Heber which was sublime, the kids have slept on the trampoline every night this week, Robert has had a campout with the Young Men, and I've been busy with photo projects, reading, running/exercising, lunch dates, and fun with the kids.  For my friend's birthday this week, a group of us drove to the Bountiful Temple at 5am and ran all the way to Farmington which was about 10 miles.  I love my neighborhood and am so grateful to have such wise, wonderful friends.  I'm proud to say I have one week of summer under my belt and my sanity is in tact!  I have to say it makes a big difference to have older kids that can help with the younger ones.  Also, a schedule or plan each day helps me feel more in control which contributes to my happiness.  Today I dropped off Madison and Ashton for 3 hours at Station Park with $10 and they got ice cream, played in the fountains, ate samples at the grocery store, bought Madison some makeup, and Ashton a small Lego toy.  They had fun and I had peace and quiet.  We also have a chart set up that requires them to do 30 minutes of reading per day, clean their rooms and do one added chore, and trade off taking care of Ashton.  They also have an hour of quiet time which means they can rest, read, do a quiet activity or play outside.  I'm sure this will all run smoothly until about mid July and then it will all be downhill from there like it always is.  I really do enjoy the company of my children, which is saying a lot coming from an introvert like myself that relishes when things are calm and organized, because quite frequently it is not like that.  During the summer, Robert and I also go out twice a week instead of the usual once per week.  It is usually something very simple, even just taking a walk and then getting an ice cream.  I find it really helps my sanity to spend time just with him on a more frequent basis when the kids are all home most of the day.  We are looking forward to multiple camps for the kids with church and with soccer for Hunter.  We are having a mini-reunion in Deer Valley when Robert's sister comes into town in July, and we have a California trip planned for August.  I am trying very hard to breathe deeply and enjoy each moment, knowing how fast my children are growing up.  One more year and Christian will be graduated!  Say it isn't so!!!  This morning I woke up to the sound of the lawnmower.  It was 8am and Madison and Hunter had decided to get a head start on their chores for the day without having to be asked.  Madison had already been up at 7 to put the neighborhood flags out for Flag Day before starting the lawn.  What amazing children I have.  I don't like when other people brag about their kids, so I'll stop now.  :)

Me and my girls before the Taylor Swift concert

We had awesome seats!

Christian hikes to Flag Rock on the last day of school.

Last day of school.  My oldest and youngest at the park.

Christian practicing his stethoscope skills from his CNA course on Ashton for Family Night.

Hunter at 6th grade graduation with his teacher.

E and A getting along at the Homestead.

Cool bridge we stopped to take pictures at.

Puppy love.

Handstand contest.

Cuddles with Mads and Ash.

Climbing trees for fun.

Lots of swimming.

Mugging for the camera

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Jazzy enjoying the car ride.

Cute Ashton

Elisabeth and Calyn sledding down the hill in front of our house.